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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

I'm going to miscarry, aren't I?

11 replies

BirthdayKake · 30/09/2018 09:05

After 27 years of shit, I thought life was turning around. I was on my own with my four DC and then I met an amazing man. Almost two years later it has (almost) been like a fairy tale... He proposed underneath the Eiffel Tower on our one year anniversary, we had a gorgeous wedding ceremony exactly 9 months later, I got pregnant on our wedding night and found out just before we jetted off on our honeymoon. You couldn't ask for more, could you?!

Then on honeymoon last week I started spotting; light brown blood. I also didn't feel morning sickness as strongly as I was expecting so my gut feeling was that something was wrong.

We got home from our honeymoon and went straight to a private scan clinic, who were lovely, but they spent so long looking on the monitor I knew something wasn't right.

Apparently I should have been 7+3 but the baby measured around 5 weeks. The gestational sac was a long, thin shape rather than round and "appeared to be collapsing". The sonographer couldn't find a heartbeat.

I've been booked into the local EPU and have an appointment on Friday (I assume rescan?). I know I need to prepare for the worst but I just don't understand why I'm not bleeding. No cramps, no clots, no bright red blood. Am I having a missed miscarriage? Is it definitely gone?

Also, I know this will make my post even longer (and thanks to anyone who's still reading!), but this isn't the first baby I've conceived with my husband. When we'd been together 4-5 months, I got pregnant, and I had an abortion. I couldn't take the sickness any more, with four kids to look after. But I can't help thinking that the miscarriage is my punishment for this, or even worse, that I've been damaged somehow, and will never have a child with my DH... It's torturing me :(

OP posts:
flumpybear · 30/09/2018 09:10

I doesn't t sound great so prepare yourself in case it's a mc - no, this isn't punishment, one in four pregnancies miscarry, empty sac, genetic problems etc ... this is simply nature. Your termination was so you could care for your four children as a single mummy, don't let affect you that much - if it doesn't work out this time it'll be fine in the future - good luck Thanks

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 30/09/2018 09:21

Thank you *flumpybear". I've been reading other people's stories on here and now I'm very scared about the potential bleeding and pain x

OP posts:
fessmess · 30/09/2018 09:30

Hi, sorry you're going through this. It sounds similar to what I experienced many years ago. My baby was small
for dates etc. It ended in the worst possible way and at the EPU I chose to have a d and c rather than go through it naturally. You're not me and it may end differently but I wanted to share that I felt I had a choice at the end.

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 30/09/2018 09:38

Hi fessmess. Was your baby bigger than mine? For some reason I thought D & C was only an option for babies 10 weeks and over. What made you choose that option? I'm worried it'll affect my fertility even more :(

OP posts:
flumpybear · 30/09/2018 09:49

It's uncomfortable but I wouldn't say painful - I don't recall taking pills for pain albeit mine were all well over 8 years ago now - some were just like a heavy period, others were crappy I think where the sac detached and exited - get to your doctor or phone early pregnancy assessment unit tomorrow and whilst you're there get a sick note for two weeks - they can be discrete on the sick note
Good luck

flumpybear · 30/09/2018 09:50

Crampy ... but crappy too so iPhone wasn't entirely wrong!

pattimayonnaise · 30/09/2018 10:02

It sounds exactly the same as what happened to me, same number of weeks. I'm sorry but I did go on to miscarry, so I would try to prepare for that. I really hope it doesn't though.
In terms of fertility, I have gone on to have another baby so don't stress too much about that. Thanks

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 30/09/2018 10:04

Thanks. I think your phone must understand what you were trying to say!!

I've got an appointment at the EPU on Friday so I don't think they'd see me any sooner than that... Luckily don't need a sick note as I'm at home anyway. Thank god because I don't want to go anywhere alone anyway. Don't know how I can face the school run this week. I just don't feel like me anymore. Having babies was the only thing that has ever gone right for me - I've got no family and my past is full of people who mentally and physically abused me. But now I've failed doing that.

God, it's so ironic. For months DH has been desperate for a child (he has none) and I've made him wait until we were married and had bought a house big enough for all of us etc etc and now everything is in place I've lost our baby...

OP posts:
Original poster
BirthdayKake · 30/09/2018 10:50

Thanks patti. I'm only worried about fertility because of the termination, even though I was absolutely fine afterwards - no pain, barely any blood, in fact we flew out to Spain the day after (long story). No signs of infection etc. But I'm still anxious.

I know deep down I'm going to miscarry. I'm gutted but at the same time, I want it to hurry up, I want to get it over with so I can see if I ever feel like TTC again...

OP posts:
pattimayonnaise · 30/09/2018 11:06

It's totally understandable to be anxious. I had a termination before my two children were born so I really do understand how you feel. It is unfortunately just a horrible thing that happens sometimes with no real explanation given to us. Hope you feel better and that everything works out for you.

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 30/09/2018 11:42

Thank you patti. Sorry to hear that but relieved to know someone conceived after two terminations

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