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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Helping my parents with MC

4 replies

julygirl · 22/09/2018 11:28

Hi, I lost my first baby at 8+4 earlier this week and working through the emotional turmoil now.

My parents live in a different country to me - and this was their first, long awaited grandchild and they were as excited as we were (and the reason we got the early reassurance scan so they could tell all their friends).

They are struggling with the loss of the LO as much as I am - but in a different way and all I want to do is get on a plane and give them a good long hug and let them take care of me and let me take care of them.

They have been surprised how little support they are getting from their close friends - I tried to explain that its hard to relate to the pain if they haven't had a mc loss. Mum had already started knitting and I said she should finish the jumper, i could tell she wanted to but thought it might hurt me. I insisted that there was enough unfinished-ness in this situation and that she should because its a beautiful jumper.

Has anyone got an suggestions on how I can help them get some closure from so far away or a sweet way to remember the LO. Seeing their pain hurts me and I know we are grieving together.

OP posts:
NicolaG12 · 22/09/2018 17:27

Hi July girl, I thought I would reply to your post seeing as you were so kind to me yesterday.

First of all, I can totally relate. My parents were also as excited as we were, first grandchild too and they had already started thinking about decorating a room at their house for baby. I know they are heartbroken too.

I can only imagine how hard it must be for you all to not see each other at this time. I’m lucky in that my parents are only 2 miles away so I’ve seen my mum every day.

I’m not sure if I can offer any helpful advice on how to support them? I’m sorry I’m so rubbish. Last week or so I have been up and down and what my parents keep saying as that on my good days, they feel a lot better and take their strength from me being a bit brighter, so I think keep talking to them about how you are feeling will help.

Your parents sound lovely and I hope your mum finishes the jumper and I hope that one day in the near future that you have a little one whi can wear it xxx

Original poster
julygirl · 24/09/2018 20:02

Hi Nicola - thanks for the message, my parents are wonderful to me and it sucks I'm so far away from them. I've decided to order them a Forget-me-not plant - thats the plant for miscarriage I think. We are going to get one too - it'll flower in April time which was my due date. Maybe something like that will hep you and your parents too? And Mum said she will pick up the jumper again in a few days. thanks so much, I hope you are doing ok. xx

OP posts:
Original poster
julygirl · 24/09/2018 20:02

Hi Nicola - thanks for the message, my parents are wonderful to me and it sucks I'm so far away from them. I've decided to order them a Forget-me-not plant - thats the plant for miscarriage I think. We are going to get one too - it'll flower in April time which was my due date. Maybe something like that will hep you and your parents too? And Mum said she will pick up the jumper again in a few days. thanks so much, I hope you are doing ok. xx

OP posts:
NicolaG12 · 25/09/2018 21:47

That sounds lovely. I’m doing ok. Had a follow on scan this morning to confirm everything was gone. Was a relief as I was worried there was more to come, not sure why I thought that! Hope you are doing ok. X

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