So many questions

[NicolaG12]

I had a miscarriage last Friday. I had spotting a few days before so early scan revealed that no heartbeat and baby stopped growing at 8 + 5. I then had to wait 2 days for the miscarriage to happen which felt so cruel.

I’m trying to stay positive and hope that we can try again. It was our first pregnancy after 2 months of trying.

I’m still very up and down emotionally, but what I’m really struggling with is going out of the house and seeing pregnant woman and people with babies. It breaks my heart and I can’t hekp but think why have they got their babies but I had to loose mine? I know it’s not nice to think that and I hate that I do. How can I get rid of this feeling? The first time I saw a stranger with a pram I sat in the coffee shop and cried.

On a different note, the bleeding stopped yesterday which was a relief. We were told to wait to have sex until the bleeding stopped so we decided to have this afternoon. It may have been too soon but we both wanted to as a way of feeling close again. Anyway, there was a bit of blood afterwards. Is this normal or did we have sex too soon?

Hi Nicola - I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my first baby at 8+4 too and had the op this week - I'm still in the throws of the emotional shock of it. I'm still bleeding and cramping. I'm feeling very tender emotionally as well - go easy on yourself, it will take some time to have more up time than down time, at least that what i'm telling myself over and over.

Grief is a funny process and we'll have a rollercoaster ride from hell and back but we'll get through this. There are some incredibly strong, helpful women on this forum and we are all here for each other. Remember - you aren't alone in this.

I'm struggling with the jealously factor too, i have a few friends who are pregnant or recent new mums, its tough - and I'm trying to find out why I'm so unlucky and those mothers are, I still can't understand why my baby left me but I have to believe it was for a reason I can't understand and hope it knew I loved it immensely.

Not sure about the sex thing sorry - but I can understand the need to be close to each other again. If you have any concerns, give your EPU a call. (I'm sure one of the lovely ladies on here will be able to help too). x

Thank you July girl. I’m so sorry you are going through this too. It’s so tough. Your message has made me feel better, particularly the bit about hoping that your baby knew it was loved, that brought a tear to my eye and I’m sure your baby did know that.

I have a scan on Tuesday at the EPU, I just want to know that everything is the way it should be.

Another thing I’m not sure of is when to return to work. I’ve been off since last Wednesday and the GP gave me a sick line for 2 weeks, so another week to go but I can’t see in a weeks time that I will be able to go to work full time. My emotions are so unpredictable. Sitting crying at anything and nothing.

Thanks again for your message and I hope you are holding up ok xx

The whole situation is pants, I wouldn't wish this on anyone ever and I hope (really really hope) we never go through this again. My Dad said that the baby was just too special for this world and got to take a shortcut to heaven - I really like that thought, I hope it helps you too.

I'm back to work on Monday - I have a really understanding manager thankfully and a desk job - so physically I'll be OK I think. I think I want the distraction but I don't know really. Speak to your partner, manager, and GP so you can talk out what options are right for you - and if you think you need more time, then you need more time - listen to your heart and your head.

Thanks Nicola, I'm doing ok, most of the time I think - lean on your networks, read the messages here and eat lots of cr*p food and watch cheesy tv for a while and get some fresh air once a day (just open the back door if you can) - you deserve a break and some comfort. xx