First baby, first miscarriage

[CharrMWelham]

I posted on here a while ago when I had early onset bleeding at 10 weeks, sadly I lost the baby. The first 7/10 days I felt fine about it, very matter of fact just waiting for my cycle to get back to shape so we could start trying again. 2 weeks later I am a mess, I’ve been signed off work, I don’t sleep, I cry all the time and I’m just miserable. I am bitter, I hate pregnant people or people with babies, I don’t want to eat, or do anything. I am usually the most upbeat positive person, who doesn’t dwell on things, am very black and white and usually have a strop then move on. We want to start trying again, and I am mentally prepared for that, but everyday life is a bitch. I understand it’s different for everyone, but is there light at the end of the tunnel? And am I going to go through this if I have another miscarriage?

Hello, I’m so sorry for your loss. I was about to start my own thread though everting in your post is summing up how I feel right now. I lost my baby on Thursday night. I had bleeding for a couple of days before hand so had a scan, and no heart beat. I’m so devastated.

I totllay get what you are saying about pregnant people and babies. I’ve not left the house yet and I’ve had to delete all my social media apps as I can’t bear to see baby pics and pregnancy posts.

I’m rubbish with advice on this as I’m in this position to and I’m utterly clueless just now. I’m trying to plan some nice things for myself. My husband is suggesting that next week we go away for a spa break (luckily we have a bit of extra money from some overtime). I’m wondering if you should plan something nice like that with your partner? Sorry if it sounds rubbish advice but that’s all I can offer (I wish I had the answers) but I wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel. It’s also my first pregnancy. X

So sorry for your loss. I was in this position at the end of July and I can say it does get easier. For the first 2 weeks I only left the house to go to the hospital but eventually I needed to get out even just for a little bit. I completely agree with planning something nice for you and your partner to do. My husband and I went away at the end of August and it was just what we both needed.

If I’m honest I still have down days and can get caught off guard when I suddenly burst into tears but this is less frequent now. I also feel better now I’ve had my first period since the miscarriage as the waiting for that was becoming unbearable.

Take as much time as you need, talk about it, cry, laugh, eat crap and drink wine. Whatever helps. It will get better xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is hard and your reaction and feelinga are natural and normal, especially given it's still so raw.

I had my first mc 9 weeks ago, was mt firat pregnancy after 5 years TTC. I didn't leave the house for the first 3 weeks apart from to go to the hospital and doctors. I stay away from facebook and the sight of pregnant women and prams just makes me feel like rubbish. It does get easier as time goes on to start getting on with regular routine but like PP have said I too still burst into tears, it's less than in the first three weeks but still every couple of days. Definitely book things in to do to look forward to. DH and I went on a sofa break at the end of August which was much needed - although there is no escaping pregnant women and at one point felt they were just following me everywhere but it was good to have some time away. If you feel ready maybe look into counselling. I hope you have support around you. Most of all just take all the time you need to heal, it's a horrific thing you've been through

I can completely relate to this thread, I’m so sorry your having a rough time CharM, I had a miscarrige mid september, and have been away with my husband to try and clear my head (I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to go straight back to work), only to struggle seeing endless buggies and prams, it honestly feels like there everywhere. That coupled with my husbands best friend announcing he and his wife are now 12 weeks pregnant, is horrific. It is amazing for them, but it feels like my chest has been hollowed out . I think for me I need plans, (I’m not sure it’ll help But it’s the only thing I can think of) my next plan is to come off Facebook for a while, start training at the gym again and just hope it gets easier from there like the other ladies have said.

Hope your managing and the pain eases soon x

Thankyou all for such nice comments and experiences, it sounds awful but it makes me feel so much better knowing I’m not alone. I totally understand Bentley my sister in law announced she was due the same week as me and now I cannot stand the sight of her which sounds terrible but it’s true, I’m so bitter and against anyone pregnant or with babies at the moment, it’s so unnatural to people who don’t understand. I spoke to a volunteer miscarriage councillor today and that has helped massively too, speaking to someone who doesn’t know you, listens and says you are allowed to feel this way has put parts of my head back in place, so I recommend doing that to people. I’m still fragile, I can only describe it as being a bucket that is over flowing every now and again. I just want my period now, me and my husband have been DTD unprotected but I’m not getting my hopes up, I’m going to give it a few weeks, see how I feel and if no period I will test but only if I can deal with it emotionally and if my period comes then great I’m back on track well kinds. Thanks again ladies xxx

Hello,
I am sorry for your loss.
I had a late miscarriage not even a week ago.
We went for 20 week scan a week ago on Thursday and we were told there was no heartbeat 💗. Even typing this brings the tears in my eyes.
I had to be induced to delivered the baby due to being almost 21 weeks.

It was absolutely horrible to go through knowing we couldn’t take the baby home.

I still cry and can’t believe it has happened.
The baby was born on Sunday early morning just like me and my husband.
No idea what has happened as we are awaiting test results.

I keep seeing all babies and pregnant women around wherever I go and it makes me so sad.
I know it’s no ones fault but my heart brakes thinking I could have had that baby cuddling me.
It was my first pregnancy and didn’t expect to end so quickly and the way it did.

I know time heals but at the moment it annoys me that some family members are expecting us to go back to work as if nothing has happened.
It’s not even been a week and we get asked to go back to work on Monday.
Life is so sh*t.

Netka, there’s nothing to say. That is total shit. You are totally allowed to feel like that, feel sad cry, wallow, feel sorry for yourself. Anyone telling you to get over it get back to work need to hush. Unless you’ve been through it you have no idea. It’s dark now but you will get through this. This experience has made me stronger and stronger for next time. Lots of love and vibes to you xxx

Thank you.
It’s crap because on top all of this when we left the labour ward on Sunday no one told us that in a few days my boobs will start leaking even after the tablets they gave me.
Local midwife came on Monday but she had no clue what has happened and if it was even me she suppose to be seeing.
She checked my belly said she was sorry and left.
Bit confused to if I suppose to contact the bereavement midwife or if she suppose to contact me.

I do know it will get better one day but at the moment it feels like it’s taking forever.
The thoughts of funeral are overwhelming once all tests are done.
We haven’t seen the baby and think I regret that now but I am not sure if that’s because I’m so sad.
Nice midwife took pictures so can always see them when we back to see consultant in 6 weeks.

Once again thank you x

It’s the appointments and tests all after that make it even worse, for me it was. I had to go to the maternity unit to have my final bloods done to check the hormone level, wasn’t allowed to have it at my GP surgery even though I work there! Pace yourself and don’t try to rush back into normality, life is going to feel on hold for a while and that’s okay.
My own question a bit off topic, but anyone have pulling or sharp pains in their abdomen and ovary area when they stretch or sneeze? Had it the past few days, just awaiting on my first period since, to at least try to get my cycle back to normal.

Yes I had lower abdominal pains for about 4 days after my erpc and then had them again about 4 weeks later for about 7 days! I went and got checked out by the doctor but they said it was probably just body returning back to normal after erpc and miscarriage. It’s been 11 weeks since and I am back to normal and starting to try again :)
Send you well wishes with your recovery xxx