First miscarriage

[Bentley88]

Hi, I wonder if anyone has any words of wisdom or positive stories following a miscarriage. I’ve suffered with infertility for 5 years, finally got pregnant and miscarried at 8 weeks. I’m struggling to cope as I had a scan two days before I misscaried due to light beating, and I had a perfect little bean measuring 8 weeks and 2 days with a heart beat. There was no indication anything was wrong. I’m desperate to get pregnant again but only miscarried on Saturday. But the loss is still so raw . I’m in a really low place so any positive stories would really help x

Hi Bentley88, I’m afraid I don’t have a positive story of my own but I promise there are plenty out there. I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself and take time to heal xx

I'm so, so sorry Bentley.

As PP said, take care of yourself and be as kind to yourself as possible. I had a miscarriage but it didn't take us quite as long to conceive which must be making it extra hard for you. I remember being desperate to get pregnant again. I went to fertility reflexology, I'm not sure it really helped but it was relaxing and made me feel like I was doing something proactive.

By way of positive stories, I have a DD now and about half of the other women in my antenatal classes had a miscarriage at a similar time too and now have DCs. This doesn't make it any easier for you or any less sad though.

Could you afford to go away for a while? Or if not take a staycation and do something nice?

I've had 2 miscarriages but my I was around 6weeks.i was distraught but I tryed again straight away as we desperately wanted a baby.i got pregnant a week after I miscarried and now I have a beautiful girl who is 8 aswel as 3 others. I know it is heart breaking but keep trying hun, it will happen for you x

Hi Bentley, Your post really resonated with me and I just wanted to say sorry you're going though this.

I too suffered a miscarriage last year (20 weeks) after 5 years of trying. I also had an ectopic at 8 weeks 2 months ago which resulted in emergency surgery and losing a tube so I do know how you feel. It's a shitty situation. I'm sorry to say l don't really have any pearls of wisdom other than whilst the pain doesn't go away it does get easier. I know it will not feel like it now but the rawness will subside. It is still heartbreaking.

I found getting the post mortem results and my baby back so she could be cremated a real turning point in my grief. You could perhaps do something to acknowledge the fact that your baby existed?

Don't be afraid to speak to people. The miscarriage association and Sands have quite helpful forums. I also second the reflexology suggestion. I was really dubious but it really has helped me mentally as it completely de-stresses me.

Have you been to your gp for a referral? Both pregnancies for me were assisted (ovulation induction) and we're now looking to ivf which I am hoping will be more successful.

Good luck. If you want to talk let me know.

Hi all, thank you so much for your kind words, it’s so lovely to hear from people in similar situations and know there’s another side to all this. It’s really hard to talk to my partner or my family, as there all very much of the opinion it’ll happen again, and dismiss how long it’s taken me to get here, or the fact I had a baby, granted only for 8 weeks, but the joy and hope doesn’t change you know. I’ve never heard of pregnancy reflexology, but if two people have suggested it I might give it a go, anything that’ll help at the moment is great.

Thank you Tasha, It’s really nice to hear it worked out for you after your miscarriages. I can’t believe how many people go through miscarriages, 1 in 4 is a huge number, but it’s so rarely talked about, and is not one of those things I suppose I expected (that may be really nieve)

Finding my way: I’m so so sorry to hear about your losses, miscarrying at 8 weeks was horrendous, I can’t even imagine 20 weeks, I can imagine getting your baby back so you can say good bye, definitely aidied process to allow you to grieve. It’s so hard trying for so long, and it’s increadible how quickly your expectations are raised and you start making plans for your future with a baby. I worry 8 weeks isn’t that long and people would just see that I’m not coping with an ‘early miscarriage’ , I saw my GP as I’m reliving physically seeing the loss when I’m trying to get to sleep every night, and my GP was very dismissive, which makes me think I must be being too sensitive or over reacting. I would go back to infertility clinic, however they discharged me once I had my midwifery booking. Would SANDS or miscarriage association be ok for me to contact them if I was only 8 weeks pregnant?

Thank you so much for all your kind words, I can’t say how much it means x

I've been there it's awful isn't it. Follow your heart if you feel ready to try again then go for it. I fell pregnant again following a miscarriage after 2 weeks which I was told was impossible. That baby turned out to be ectopic. But still I couldn't give up. I fell pregnant whilst I was pregnant with my ectopic. Again impossible right. That's what the doctors told us. But my gorgeous baby Dolly-Grace is snoring next to me xxx Fingers.crossed for you

I'm so sorry. Absolutely contact the miscarriage association. I had a miscarriage at 15 weeks. I got pregnant again 6 months later and now my baby is nearly one. It often happens but people don't talk about it.
I found acupuncture helpful for getting pregnant and it might have been helpful for dealing with the miscarriage but I didn't try it.

It was the worst time of my life

And don't feel like you were "only" 8 weeks pregnant, you were pregnant and had a little baby growing inside you and had all the excitement and hopes and dreams that go with that.

Whatever your gp led you to believe, you're not overreacting, you have a right to feel how you feel

@Bentley88 I'm so so sorry you find yourself here and for your loss. It's so difficult isn't it to get your head around this. Your story almost mirrors mine. Just like you it took me 5 years to get pregnant, I'd pretty much given up hope it'd ever happen then suddenly in May I get a BFP which took me and DH by surprise. Only at 11 weeks I mc'd out little bean. Absolutely heartbroken and 8 weeks on I'm still devastated and can't properly function. You need to take all the time you need to heal emotionally and physically from this. If you feel ready also get some counselling. I'm just so so sorry you're going through this too - nothing I can say will help but you just need time to get your head around this and learn to cope with the pain.

I totally understand not wanting to hear things like well at least you know you can get pregnant etc etc. It's not that simple - I too say they don't know I will again and seem to forget how long it took to get pregnant. People will say all the wrong things - we just have to learn to ignore them.

Sending you lots of hugs

I am so sorry to hear this. I can give you positive stories. I had a miscarriage after years of trying. I conceived quickly afterwards, despite feeling despondent and thinking it would never happen for me, and I carried my baby to term. I had a second baby a couple of years later with no fertility issues and no problems at all. It all seems like a distant memory now. But my god it was the most painful horrible devastating thing at the time. I couldn't be around anyone who had a baby and ALL of my friends were having babies, effortlessly. I found it hard to be positive about anything and I was always trying to justify the way I felt because, you know, worse things happen. But at that time in my life and in those years it was the worst thing, the very worst thing that had happened and I just felt wretched all the time. I was grieving for a baby that I hadn't had, and I was struggling to believe I would ever have.
You too are grieving, it's a terrible heart wrenching loss and it's just awful of your GP to be dismissive of your grief and trauma. If something is stopping you sleeping then it is trauma. And just because its a statistic and a 'common'occurrence doesn't make it any less devastating to you, and you shouldn't feel like you have to justify it to your GP or try and diminish your feelings. Do look after yourself and do go and find help if you can, perhaps some kind of therapy for the trauma? Lots of luck with it all. I really hope you get there.

Tasha32
Hi you say you got pregnant a week after miscarriage do you release eggs that early? I thought you had to wait for a period. I only ask as I would love to get pregnant again quite quickly after miscarriaging and having d and c yesterday. Thanks

I was pregnant Feb lost may. Pregnant end may lost June. Pregnant end June and had a beautiful baby girl xx no periods in that time

Hi everyone.
I have literally just got out of hospital after the most traumatic experience of miscarrying whilst in my towns yrain station. Omg I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy!!
Then to have to go through it continuing on at the hospital.
This is my first pregnancy also and luckily I guess for us we dropped on after 3 months of trying.
I just feel so lost. And sad about it all.
My other half is been. Absolute rock!
The worst part is... well maybe not the worst... but I hadn't even got round to telling family and friends :(
I've been discharged after take 800mg of What ever it is to remove the rest of my baby, but I'm so low.
I just don't know what to do.
Tia for any ideas x

Rest lots of rest and just remember you know you can get pregnant. It will get easier

Thank you. I'm off work obviously
In bed, I just feel exhausted and so low x

You will it's normal for a while.... Think I cried for 2 days straight but it does ease