Miscarriage at 37 years old.

[Ledbury81]

I found out my pregnancy had ended in miscarriage at the start of July. Unfortunately nature was cruel and although I thought I was 13 weeks, baby hadn’t made it past 6. My experience at my local hospital when I presented with bleeding was despicable and I was triaged in the same room as a male patient and then told to go home and get on with it as there was nothing anyone could do. No scan offered, no referral to the EPU. I paid for a private scan the same day and my worst fears were confirmed. I was under the impression that the miscarriage would pass like a heavy period. No one warned me there was a slight possibility that it might be worse so we carried on, broken but thinking it would pass.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. When it finally happened 2 days later I haemorrhaged. Lost over a litre of blood and was rushed to A&E, where I lost even more blood. I ended up unresponsive and had to have emergency surgery. As if the miscarriage wasn’t hard enough.

I was advised that due to my age (37), BMI (40), PCOS and several surgeries to my pelvis, that I shouldn’t have tried to get pregnant at all and that I was being ridiculous to think it would end well. Up until I got pregnant I had been told the PCOS had left me infertile.

I’ve decided to have a hysterectomy as a way of dealing with what’s happened despite my deep yearning for another child (my son is almost 19). My partner, who has no children, is happy to go along with this as he’s too scared to try again plus the fact we’ve been told it’s a pointless endeavour.

I was wondering if anyone else went down the same path and been told the same.

Will a hysterectomy cure me of my want for a child I know I shouldn’t try to have? I feel so guilty for my partner as I feel I’m robbing him of the chance to be a dad but he’s adamant he’d rather have me in one piece.

I’m sorry, I don’t have any advice that I can offer but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss and I’m appalled at how badly you were treated. Hope you are ok, take care of yourself xx

Thank you. Xx

I'm so sorry for your loss OP and the way you were treated, it's terrible that you had to experience that. Unfortunately I can't really give any advice but please take all the time you need to heal emotionally from this and don't make any decisions that are so life changing when it's still so raw. If you haven't already done so have you considered counselling to support you at this terrible time and may help you to decide with a clearer head what you want to do. Take care of yourself

@InDreamland I’m definitely set on the hysterectomy. I can’t use hormone based contraception as it really doesn’t suit me so I need to do something radical to prevent this ever happening again. Unfortunately due to my line of work I’ve seen tubal ligation and ablations go horribly wrong so they are out of the equation. It leaves me with only the hysterectomy as an option. I had planned on having one during my marriage but never got round to it. I never expected to want another baby and I really wish I’d never tried. People just keep telling me to try again but the medical advice is that at 37 I would be insane to even consider it.

I wouldn't say that 37 is too old, I'm in my mid 40s and in the past couple of years 2 of my old school friends have had their first children.

Totally understand your feelings regarding the hysterectomy, having been through a traumatic mc myself at 13 weeks I wouldn't want to go through it again. I don't know whether it would stop you yearning for another child but, my friend who suffered from fertility problems and eventually had to have one for medical reasons, says it didn't eradicate her sadness about being childless, but stopped the highs and lows of hope and disappointment that she'd had every month.

I'm so sorry

@HoobleDooble I should count my blessings that I have had a child even if he’s an adult now. Unfortunately the medical advice I’ve received is that 37 is too old given the other gynae issues I’ve had and the fact my BMI is at least 40 if not more. I left it too long and in the end that’s my fault. I don’t think I would have given having another child a thought if my marriage had survived as my ex husband was adamant about us having one and one only. Damn my stupid biological clock, I despise it.

I would certainly want a second opinion before having a hysterectomy. We don't know about your other surgeries etc but your age is certainly not a big factor - I've had two children after 37. Did they really describe it as a pointless endeavour? Hope you find peace whatever the outcome.

Your bmi isn't set in stone.

@Iggii It was stated that it was pointless to expect a healthy pregnancy given all of the factors. I’ve had 1 diagnostic lap and a laparotomy which was a diagnostic lap that went wrong.
My partner has decided to seek counselling for his grief but I feel I need to be more practical and do something physical. Talking things over isn’t going to change my prognosis so I just want to get it over and done with.

Like other pp i dont know about other surgeries, but your age isnt that high.
I have pcos and went on metformin to lower the miscarriage risk. As it can be much higher with pcos.
Have you had your thyroid tested?
Even just to have a hysterectomy i woukd think they would advise weight loss. As any operation is going to be more dangerous.

Hi op, my case history is slightly different but some similarities. I had abdominal surgery in my early 30's and one doctor told me my body wouldn't support pregnancy. I was diagnosed with fibroids a few years later.

I had an mc at 12 weeks aged 37. But fell pg on the following cycle and again 16 months later.

I'm now 40 with 2 toddlers. Very difficult pregnancies and complicated births . Hysterectomy sounds a bit radical to me. I would get another opinion.

My bmi was about 35.

You’ve had a rough time of it Ledbury.

I’m absolutely set on the hysterectomy. I can’t even bring myself to make love with my partner, even taking precautions. I just need this to be over so I’m not frightened anymore.

If you hadn't been told what you've been told (right or wrong), would you still want the hysterectomy? Would you still be 100% sure you didn't want another child.

37 is not too old.
BMI can be reduced.
PCOS issues do not prevent you from trying again.

I can't speak to the other abdominal issues, but please don't be influenced by other people's opinions.

Listen to your heart on this, but make sure you're giving yourself enough time to get to a place where you can think clearly about such a life changing decision.

It's likely you're in post traumatic shock after such an ordeal.

@Botanica initially I wanted to try again and in fact we didn’t take precautions between my 1st and 2nd period after the MMC. My second period was absolutely awful and clearly had not gotten pregnant during that time. As time went on we both became terrified of what might happen if I did get pregnant again. We know that getting medical support to try again would be dismissed due to already being told I would be crazy to try again. I would love a child with my partner but my head has to rule my heart. I can’t afford to risk my health for what is a stupid idea. I’m better off regretting not having another child than I am ending up permanently disabled or dead. My partner is sorting out counselling for himself but I don’t feel the need, as I’ve already got plans in place for how I want to deal with it.