My husband is really struggling since we learned our baby didn’t make it. He is particularly sensitive/emotional for a guy, and so I kind of expected it... but I just wondered if other people’s husbands/male partners struggle too, and how this manifests itself?
For me, it’s like this: Basically, whenever I have an extended (ie, more than a couple of days) period of feeling super ill or super exhausted (or in this particular instance, dealing with a miscarriage), he tolerates it ok for a while, is nice to me and tries to stay strong and positive... but if it goes on too long for him, and if he feels like he isn’t getting anything back from me, I start getting all this flack from him because he’s suddenly had enough of me ‘not trying hard enough’ with him, or using a ‘mean tone of voice’, or ‘talking down’ to him..... he doesn’t seem to be able to grasp the concept that sometimes, I am just too utterly exhausted to do anything but mutter the vaguest of responses. I don’t mean to be unkind or unloving, I’ve just got too much shit going on right now and can barely lift my head, let alone hold a proper conversation. He always seems to take it as me ‘being horrible’ to him. I’m just too exhausted to reassure him properly, and so I end up saying the wrong thing in the wrong tone (again!) and that seems to wind him up even more. It’s just so incredibly draining...
I’m not say a man has any less right, when bad things happen, to feel distraught... or that we shouldn’t try to support our husbands when they need help (although society does kind of seem set up to have those expectations)
...it’s just that sometimes, well, i have to admit I find myself wondering if I’m the only one whose husband doesn’t deal with things very well! He’s always been very sensitive, perhaps even more so than me... and in my experience of relationships, that’s pretty unusual...? Anyone else?!