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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

I’ve just found out i’ve had a missed miscarriage

6 replies

GreenthoughtInAGreenShade · 03/08/2018 17:40

Went to the Fetal Medicine Centre for the harmony test this morning - 11+1 weeks. Saw immediately on the screen that the baby had no heartbeat and when i asked the doctor confirmed. Said the size showed it had ceased growing at approx 9 weeks. I’d had a reasurrance scan there at 7 weeks and had stupidly believed the whole “once you see a heartbeat, miscarriage is very unlikely” speech.

Tried contacting the EPU to book a D&C all day but just get “we only have 1 doctor and 1 nurse on, someone will get back to you when they can”. I know they require a scan of their own and they don’t do them at weekends. Don’t know what to do now. Investigating whether bupa will cover this, but that will take a GP referral which of course i can’t get until earliest Monday. I just want this over so much.

I don’t know why i’m posting this. I just feel so broken and guilty. My one job as his mum was to keep him safe and i couldn’t even do that. I’m so sorry.

OP posts:
Yorkshirelass27 · 03/08/2018 19:06

So sorry you are going through this. 24hrs ago, I was in a similar situation- went for 12week scan and they found no heartbeat and believe it stopped at 8.3 weeks. I now have to wait until Monday to have the op as they had no spaces before then.
I hope you are able to sort something soon.
Totally understand what you are going through and here if you want to chat/vent etc. x

xJune88 · 03/08/2018 19:09

So so sorry I was in your exact position 6 weeks ago. I should of been nearly 14 weeks and baby had died at 9 my whole heart was ripped out. It was my second miscarriage and id just lost my dad. I'm now ready to try again. Please take care of yourself life can be so bloody cruel xxxx

InDreamland · 03/08/2018 23:45

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, this is such a terrible thing to go through. I really hope you can get an appointment quickly, are you able to travel to London? I believe the EPUs at St Thomas, St George's or UCLH open weekends/Saturdays. I don't know what part of the country you're in but if you're in the south east it could be worth trying. I really feel for you, I know how the waiting feels and it's just such a dark time. I understand those emotions of blaming yourself or guilt, I'm still going through them. I hope you have support around you to help with this awful time Flowers

GreenthoughtInAGreenShade · 09/08/2018 05:03

I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your kind replies, especially when some of you had been through the same thing so recently and it must be so raw. It meant a lot to me and i really am grateful.

I didn’t reply earlier as i wasn’t really up to it, but i thought i would update in case it helps anyone later. I was not called back by the EPU until 7.30pm, so obv no chance to be seen before the weekend.

Appointment made for Monday morning, and a confirmation scan agreed withe private scan. After a long wait afterwards, they talked me through the three options - expectant management, medical, or D&C (surgical). As i’d already had the weekend to read up (including the incredibly helpful threads here on what to expect in natural and medical options) i was able to choose straight away and chose the D&C. I have had a general anaesthetic before and had no problems - in fact, i rather liked the total abnegation of responsibility when i’m feeling overwhelmed and emotional. Booked in for wednesday morning. Arrived at 7ish, went in for op at 10ish, woke up about 10.30, in recovery until about 1pm when called my partner to collect me. Went home and stagnated on sofa all day with bad cramps, but those eased up about 7pm-ish and i’ve been fine since. A bit battered and tender feeling but no actual pain. Bleeding much lighter than i was expecting too, although i’m aware it might fluctuate.

Overall, i just wanted to say how much this was the right decision for me - it was painless and trauma-free. You have options over what happens to the remains and i chose cremation - i personally could not have coped emotionally with flushing down a toilet and the scariest part for me was the delay between discovery and surgery, and desperately hoping i wouldn’t spontaneously start to miscarry in the interim. The staff were all universally lovely to me (except the brief meeting with the surgeons who had zero social skills, but i’ve had several surgeries before and know this is fairly standard - as my DP said, normal people can’t cut other people up for a living: would you rather have good surgeons or empathy given what they’re about to do?) the anaesthetist was lovely and reassuring, as were all the nurses. One insisted on walking me to the toilet after and waiting for me just in case i was shaky or lightheaded and needed reassurance. It was also the right decision for me because (possible complications aside) it hopefully draws a line under the experience and allows me to start moving on emotionally. I’m no longer the snotty wreck i was on Friday when i found out, although i think it will take a long time to stop randomly being overcome with sadness at odd times and for odd triggers.

I just wanted to write this as i’ve seen several people scared of the surgical option on here and i wanted to reasure everyone that for some (including me) it was a low-stress, low-pain choice.

OP posts:
Downeyhouse · 09/08/2018 05:13

So sorry for your loss

Thatgirl123 · 26/08/2018 19:30

Your last bit about keeping him safe is the same thing I sit and tell myself every day and it kills me so much! But we tried our hardest to look after them and it is so hard having a miscarriage but believe me it’s not your fault. I’m really sorry for your loss x

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