Spending time with a pregnant friend

[ADayInTheSun]

I had a late miscarriage last year and an early miscarriage this year, no joy getting or staying pregnant and now we have been referred back to the hospital for tests. I'm feeling pretty low about it all.

Shortly after the early miscarriage some very good friends (who supported us a lot last year but didn't know about our most recent loss) sensitively and discreetly told us they were expecting.

I want to be overjoyed for them but in truth I'm gutted that she is pregnant and I'm not. Spending time with her brings up very traumatic memories about my first pregnancy ending. (It was sudden and unexpected and obviously very scary and a huge shock.) It also really confronts my intense disappointment and sadness that we have not successfully conceived since.

I feel panicky and on the verge of tears when I'm around her and it's got to the point where I feel the need to avoid seeing her.
I'll be seeing them this weekend and I've just been sobbing my heart out at the thought of having to spend the day together pretending I'm fine when really I'm anything but. I can't avoid her forever and I don't want to, she's lovely, but I'm really struggling and I just don't know what to do.

Has anyone had to cope with something similar? What did you do?

I haven't coped with similar but I didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry to hear about what you have been through and how you feel is understandable. If she is a good friend, don't pretend to be OK. Be honest that you don't want to avoid her but that it is also hard for you. I normally feel a weight is lifted as soon as I stop pretending and accept how I am feeling. I am sure you will have good days and bad days and I think it is OK to not force yourself on bad days.

Be honest with her and if she's a good friend she will understand. You have been through some real trauma and it will take time to recover- go easy on yourself

You are so brave to admit how you feel.
Text her and explain and say you adore her, are over the moon for them and hurting that you are not pregnant at this moment in time. She will support you
Xx

You guys are so lovely you've got me crying again.
We'll have a good chat over the weekend but I feel bad putting my stress onto her at a time when she should be relaxing and taking it easy.

Just accept the crying
This year I dealt with
One, two, three, four (a miscarriage), five pregnancy announcements so far

I wept and wept and wept

Its horrendous

Be with your partner and love yourself

Xxxx

I am so sorry for your losses OP. You have been through so much pain and it's going to be hard. Like PPs have said, if she's a good friend just explain to her how you're thrilled for her but that you're really sad for your own situation and still grieving for your losses - she should understand and hopefully support you