Hi Em,
Firstly I just want to say I am so sorry for your loss. I know you think no one out there can feel your pain as I felt and am still feeling so alone, but I really feel like I can.
I suffered a miscarriage at 8+3 2 weeks ago today.
Mine started with very light, light brown blood on the Saturday which as soon as I had it I felt a lump in my throat and fear in my stomach, both my Mum and MIL reassured me that I shouldn't worry and some women bleed all the way through their pregnancy. I called Maternity and I was again reassured that this is normal, even bleeding is normal and the fact I was having no pain wasn't ringing any alarm bells for them. I decided to keep an eye on it very closely before taking action and heading to A&E.
The next morning it was heavier so I went to A&E and was reassured again that this is totally normal, they took my blood pressure and wasn't concerned, they said if the blood went red and pain began to come back. Throughout the day I was needing pads, but again, the blood was still brown "old blood".
That evening the blood was going pink so it was back up to A&E I went, after finding out that my partner (who had been away for the weekend) flight had been cancelled adding to the stress of what was going on.
I was faced with a potential 9 hour wait in A&E which was turned around when the lovely staff couldn't do enough for me.
They took blood and carried out another pregnancy test which, at the time was still positive. The bleeding was getting heavier at this point and pain was starting but only very dull.
I was examined and told my cervix was closed and the bleed wasn't active, it could have been an old bleed or could be where the placenta has formed etc. At this point I was told I was having a threatened miscarriage and that I would need to come back in 48 hours to be scanned and to check my HCG levels were increasing.
I also have Polycystic Ovaries and suffer quite badly from cysts so after my examination when excruciating pain started I recognized this straight away and was thinking maybe it's just a cyst passing and my baby is okay. Due to this pain, they decided to keep me in for examination and scan first thing the following morning.
The bleeding continued and I had very small clotting but no more pain. It was then a waiting game as they forgot to book my scan in so the unknown was killing me.
When I was finally scanned, the thing that hurt the most was there was a screen right in front of me, so nothing was hidden to ease some of the pain.
I was scanned externally and internally and told the pregnancy couldn't be located and I literally felt and still feel like the bottom of my world has fallen out.
It was even harder having to tell my partner when he returned that evening.
My bleeding stopped a week after and throughout that week I was getting a dull ache and every so often sharp shooting pains.
My stomach is still very swollen and I look more pregnant now than I did then! But midwives, maternity and EPU are always on hand to give you any advice.
There hasn't gone a day that I haven't cried but the weekend I miscarried my partner and I went away for some time just us, we have also booked a spa weekend.
I have felt sad, angry, bitter, every single emotion possible but we have to remember it is a grieving process.
Nothing anyone can say is going to take away your pain, but you are not alone, none of us are! We will get our little rainbows one day...
Sorry for the huge message but it's still so raw for me and sometimes I feel talking to a stranger and someone who can feel your pain takes some of that pain away.
Take care of yourself lovely, so so sorry again xxxxxxxxxx