Zika country stopping my ttc plan after loss

[Sunshineworshipper]

This is more of a rant as not really anything that can solve it.

I had posted on mnet a while back about my experience at the start of the year. Problems with pregnancy at week 7 and had to tfmr. I was devastated. I still can't talk about it all tbh. At week 9 had the surgical and it failed but the baby was still inside but had died (kills me :( ) (how they failed is beyond me, there is an investigation going on due to major failings). But they didn't check or know and I was sent home. 4 weeks later nearly bled to death & had to have second d&c then had an infection for months and was on antibiotics for what seemed like forever. It was all very traumatic and the past 6 months have been so hard for my partner and I.

Anyway, I am 32 soon and I am desperate to have a baby. Periods are now back to normal as heavy as ever. Mentally I feel the only thing that would help is having this baby I am longing for.

My family had booked a big family holiday for a special occasion for September. This is when my baby would have been born. So for me it will be tough. My partner and I spoke and agreed lets get ttc now that my cycle is back and infection gone etc. Then we realised this holiday is in a flaming Zika country with moderate risk.

I can't find much info but a lot of it says that if you're pregnant they advise to postpone travel to a risky area. I never get bitten by mosquitoes. I'm one of these people where everyone is covered in bites and I have none.
The recommendation is also waiting 8 weeks to ttc after being in a Zika zone. So we are talking December before I will be able to TTC.

It's breaking my heart, all my friends etc are all pregnant or on to their second babies and I just feel desperate. It's making me more and more miserable. :(

I can't cancel this holiday as a lot of money has been spent on it which I'd never get back and cancelling would also upset elderly relatives who are so excited for us all to be together.

Feel so fed up and impatient.

Also, anyone out there who had first babies after loss at 32+?

I'm sorry for your loss. Its was recommended 6 months if the male is infected. This was Nov last year so may have changed. I found out I was pregnant in a zika infected country I did a lot of research. I also paid for private tests on our return to ensure we were both in the clear and baby would be ok. The consult said that where tourist go are generally not high risk however it can happen. Is paying for tests an option on your return to ensure no infection then can start trying again? The nhs will only test if you have symptoms such as bites etc

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss OP. It's just gut wrenching that so many of us are going through this - I'm miscarring at the moment and heart broken.

Specifically about Zika, we booked a holiday in a zika country before getting our BFP - because of the zika risk though the holiday company have allowed us for a small amendment charge to change our destination to a non zika area which we have done. Despite miscarrying I'm glad we did just in case I'm mentally ready to TTC again before/during/straight after the holiday.

Last year we visited a zika country and the nurse at my GP surgery said that because both of us were travelling we should avoid getting pregnant for 6 months after returning.

If your family are understanding they won't make you feel bad about changing your plans. It's worth asking the company you booked your holiday through if changing is an option.

@mrs2468 thank you, I will definitely pay for private tests upon return.

@indreamland sorry you're going through a mc. It's so so hard. 😭 changing plans isn't an option. It would be too much upheaval as it's a large group and some don't know about my issues. Everyone has their annual leaves booked, flights booked from different cities etc.

It's just hard knowing it will be another 4 and a half months before even TTC :( makes me so sad and desperate

I lost my first and am now 34 weeks pregnant! I didn't have to wait as long as you but it did take that long to fall again anyway. I know how you feel waiting but you are a lot younger than me and have more time on your side (I'm 37) So do not despair! Sending love x

Also to add with the Zika thing, my doc told me two months wait so I would get a second opinion on that

Nhs guidelines don't appear to have changed www.nhs.uk/conditions/zika/#advice-for-women-trying-to-get-pregnant

For the tests you need to go x amount of days on return due to incubation so I'd advise to check details before you go. I think in total it ended up being around £500 which for me was worth it to stop me worrying.

Good luck and wish you all the best on your journey x

Sunshineworshipper I'm so so sorry for your loss and what you have been through This can't have been an easy time for you. A holiday is probably just what you need to escape every day life and to let your hair down :-) It must be so frustrating that the holiday in question will affect your TTC journey.

Re. the Zika - I went to a Zika Country earlier this year and am currently on the 6 month wait. My Dr told me I couldn't start trying with my husband for at least 6 months and we are finally having our antibody blood tests next week (neither of our Dr's would book us in for them until we had been back for 3 months). We agreed to start TTC in December last year but realised we couldn't risk being pregnant on the holiday. So 8 months on and I'm still not TTC and still have nearly 3 months to go. It's been a long wait! And it's so hard being around lots of pregnant friends and family.

You could always have a chat with your Dr about all the options :-) If you are both going to a zika country the guidelines say to wait 6 months. If it is just you going it will be 2 months.

Wishing you all the best and if you do go on holiday I hope you have a wonderful time xx

@dovegreylove I'm sorry you're still going through it. It's a horrible place to be in. I'm miserable. It's just me going thankfully. So I will try 8 weeks after I'm back.

Aww thanks @Sunshineworshipper, yeah I really do know how you feel. I have been very, very miserable. It's kind of taken over my life this year. I've felt really down about it. I had to go away as it was my friends wedding and I was a bridesmaid so it was pretty hard to swallow. Thankfully we are slowly getting there and can start trying in Oct but now there is a hell of a lot of pressure on it as I would have been gearing up to it for nearly a year.

If it's just you going on holiday thats really good news - just two months to wait. You can do this. Try and find something to occupy yourself to help the time go. I've been trying to keep busy this summer - have booked a few Europe holidays and also I'm also telling myself to make the most of my time before I start giving up alcohol etc! xx

I’m so sorry for your loss - that sounds so traumatic

It’s a six month wait recommendation to ttc after visiting a zika area. The mosquitoes that carry it bite in the day so they are hard to avoid - not everyone reacts the same to mozzie bites and it’s not easy to tell if youve been bitten and just not reacted to it (lots of people think they don’t get bitten but they’re actually just not reacting as strongly and you don’t feel the bite itself.)

FWIW, I’m a scientist and I would follow the six month wait advice. You can be bitten and not notice and you can contract zika and be symptom free as well, so you can never say categorically you’ve not had it. On top of that, the blood tests are not 100% accurate.

There’s still a lot about zika we don’t understand including how long it can lurk in various tissues.

Once again I’m so sorry for your loss - I really would wait six months though after your return. The chances are low but the severity of outcome if you do contract it would be high.

@dovegreylove aww I totally relate it's so hard. Friends who have kids don't understand etc they all say aww your time will come etc and don't know that you're ripped apart inside. I constantly grieve for my baby and think I'd be 7 months at this point. So hard.
I totally know what you mean, I've thrown myself into volunteering and recreational college courses. They do help distract. But whenever I meet with friends who are pregnant and already have kids I can't cope. It brings me down and ends up leaving me feeling deflated. I even had to endure a kids party where all the mums were constantly talking about kids etc and I was just sitting there silent wishing I could be included in the convo.
So so hard. Im glad I came on here for support as theres always someone who understands.

@bowlofbabelfish thank you, I understand. I am taking every form of deet going on holiday, hoping that will help. I know, this Zika stuff is so scary. Part of me wants ti cancel but a big part of me needs this holiday as this year has been hell and home is often sad.

@Sunshineworshipper Yeah everyone says the same thing to me- "your time will come", "don't worry you won't have problems" (as they didn't). It's hard when you feel so isolated and you can't join in the baby conversations or even feel welcome at social events. I choose to miss things now as I just can't be the only one there who isn't pregnant or doesn't already have a child. It's so lonely.

I'm so sorry you are grieving, it can't be easy at all. It must be hard when each milestone approaches too. It's good you have thrown yourself into a few things, that's a really good idea! Your holiday will be so good for you. Embrace the trip and enjoy very minute of it. xx

@dovegreylove wow you have hit the nail on the head entirely. I totally agree love. Can I message you privately?

Sunshineworshipper Of course!!

I would definitely go on the holiday - our honeymoon was a zika area and we had a great time. We did wait six months on our return though (and I’m several years older than you!)

Go, enjoy yourself (you deserve a break, youve had an awful time) and wait a few months to TTC. That would be my plan.

@bowlofbabelfish thank you so much. Xxx

@sunshineworshipper I'm in the same boat as you, went to a Zika risk country in May so cannot realistically start TTC until the end of the year. Frustrating but better to be patient now than not. Your patience will pay off!

@hereforthelaughs aww really? Were u with your other half? As the nhs seems to recommend wait 2 months if you're the female and did not get bitten or have a response from a bite?

@sunshineworshipper Yes was with DH and knew we were going into a moderate risk Zika zone, but didn't think we would want to TTC at time of booking (last year!) Trying to be as relaxed as possible and make the most of the next few months doing all the things I'll stop doing once we are officially past 6 months post trip. Hang in there!

@hereforthelaughs aww bless you, that is good you are in the positive frame of mind :) it helps a lot I think. I've been so negative for months now. Sending u best wishes for ttc