Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Flip

Original poster

Feeling very lost, just miscarried.

16 replies

July15 · 16/07/2018 19:05

I just had a miscarriage at 6 weeks and i am feeling very lost at the moment, everyone is telling me that it's better that happened this early in pregnancy but obviously that's really not helping. My husband wants to try again in 2 months (that is when the nurse told us that we could start trying again) but i don't feel like it, and he understands me. It was our first pregnancy we were so happy and now it's like the world is falling apart.. and i am very afraid of having another miscarriage if i get pregnant again. I really don't know what to do i am feeling very empty inside. 😔😔

OP posts:

ronniemipperton · 16/07/2018 19:17

So sorry for your loss @July15. It’s completely understandable that you feel this way and it’s so hard when people keep saying things that they think will make you feel better and it just makes it worse. I’ve found talking to people who’ve been through it really helpful. Did the nurse talk to you about counselling at all? There’s also the Miscarriage Association helpline from Monday to Friday 9am to 4pm (01924 20200799).

My miscarriage is also very recent and the prospect of getting pregnant and having another miscarriage is terrifying. I would try not to think about it too much at the moment - focus on looking after yourself and dealing with how you’re feeling now.

Mouse14 · 16/07/2018 19:29

I'm so sorry for you loss. I miscarried on Friday and it's such a dark, lonely place to be. So much family and friends support but I feel quite alone. Also feel I can't really take time out as I've got a 1 yr old.

Don't focus on what may or may not happen in the future, as hard as I know this is. Just take time for the here and now- to look after you. Again, I know this is difficult too.

How are your symptoms? Mine seemed to quieten down a bit today but I've just started with horrendous back ache and don't know if this is to be expected.

Take care of you.

InDreamland · 16/07/2018 19:37

So sorry you have to post on here OP. Noone should have to go through this. I'm currently miscarrying and the physical side is challenging enough let alone trying to cope emotionally too.

It is very unhelpful the comments being made to you and really it would be more helpful for you to talk to people who really understand what it's like or to professional counsellors. Pregnancy loss at any stage is heart breaking because that is your baby.

Try not to think too soon about being pregnant again. Focus on healing physically and emotionally first - at least that's what I'll be trying to do once this mc has finished. When you're ready then you can think about another pregnancy but yes i think it will be scary.

Original poster

July15 · 16/07/2018 19:56

I am very very sorry for you loss ronniemipperton and Mouse14 😔, thank you for sharing your experience. I miscarried last thursday night i was at work at the moment , it was a shock to see the blood, after a few minitues then i passed the gestational sec i then knew it was all over i literally broke down ☹. My bleeding seems that is going to stop soon i didn't need any d&c. My acne is breaking out at the moment all over my body 😕(during the few weeks in my pregnancy i had a clear face) and my breast is hurting a little apart from that the only symtomps i have are more emotional rather then physical.

OP posts:

jpclarke · 16/07/2018 20:02

I miscarried nearly 8 weeks ago now and the loss is still very raw but I am not getting as upset as I was. It is a very lonely place but please ignore all unhelpful comments, it was your baby and you are entitled to grieve for them. To me it doesn't matter when the loss comes, a loss is a loss you had hopes and dreams for that baby. Take your time and look after yourself and don't rush into any decisions.

Original poster

July15 · 16/07/2018 20:05

I am very sorry your passing through this as well InDreamland, it's a total nightmare i think that the only people that can understand us are the once that passed through this, that's why i signed up in this forum, my mother's first pregnancy ended like this as well so at least i have her understanding but i am finding it very difficult to talk to other people face to face without breaking in to tears apart from my husband and my mother.

OP posts:

Babdoc · 16/07/2018 20:15

Sending a hug, OP. It can be v upsetting when well meaning people tell you that you can try again for another baby. You don’t want a random other one, you wanted THIS one, and you need time and space to grieve for it.
When you do feel ready, try not to live in fear of the same thing happening again. Miscarriage is very common, but repeated miscarriage less so. I lost my first pregnancy, when all three of my SILs were pregnant, and I was really upset having to see all their healthy babies. But I now have two kids of my own, and the grief and pain have long gone.
You will recover - the distress will get slowly less with each week that passes, and you will find happiness again, however unlikely that feels just now. Be kind to yourself, and take the time you need.
God bless, and my prayers for a future successful pregnancy when the time is right for you.

Eva30 · 16/07/2018 20:18

I am so sorry for your loss july15 . i had a mmc last June, found out at scan and went for d+c. It is heartbreaking. I took two weeks off work and barely moved off the sofa. Cried a lot, ate a lot and watched rubbish TV and allowed myself feel sad. Do whatever you feel like doing, if you don't want to talk to anyone then don't, take it one step at a time and focus on yourself & slow healing.
I didn't think about TTC again until January. I got my bfp last week but now the second time around I am full of fear rather than excitement.
Take care

reeldoop · 16/07/2018 20:21

i vividly remember feeling exactly how you describe 15 years ago. It was Christmas Eve to top it all. Its a hideous feeling. The only comfort I have to offer sounds like a hideous cliche but it is true. Time is all yiu need. Don't ruch, be kind to toyrswlf for a few weeks and see how you feel. I mc at 8 weeks, after 18m of trying and felt so bleak. I was pregnant again in the March and now have 3 healthy, loud children, the eldest if which is a stroppy teen. I remember vividly feeling luke it was hopeless and would never happen, but the very strong chances are that it will. Take you time xxx

reeldoop · 16/07/2018 20:22

sorry about the phone spelling, meant to type 4 children. Seemed impossible then!

loveisland · 17/07/2018 21:20

I can only say I'm so sorry I'm going through the same, found out Friday at a heartbeat scan at epu, my little bean is ectopic, miscarried naturally over the weekend.
I'm knackered and it feels like my dreams are shattered look after yourself, it's just a bump in the road and hopefully in a years time things will be so different

badgeronabicycle · 17/07/2018 21:40

I'm so sorry you're going through this @July15. 6 weeks is no time at all, you are still grieving and that's absolutely normal. I've had 2 mcs and the first was definitely the worst. The shock, emptiness, guilt and sadness consumed me for weeks. We didn't try again for a year as I didn't feel ready.

Be kind to yourself and take the time you need to grieve. I found the miscarriage association very supportive and my local EPAU offered counselling. I chose not to have it but in retrospect I probably should have after my first loss. Xx

Yarnswift · 17/07/2018 21:44

So sorry you are going through this - take the time you need to recover physically and mentally. I found I dealt with the physical side fairly well then had a big crash a few weeks later. Take the time you need to process your feelings, recover physically and be kind to yourself. I only took two days off work and I regret that - I should have taken more time to deal with it.

MynameisJune · 17/07/2018 21:47

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had a MC at 6 weeks last October. Got the bfp on my birthday. We’d been TTC for 6 months, nearly a year later and we are still trying. We have DD which makes us extremely lucky. But everyone I know has had a second baby in the time we have been trying.

I went back to work the day after the bleeding started, in hindsight that was far too soon and I haven’t really been right since. So take as much time as you need, you’re not just grieving the loss of a baby but if the whole life you’d imagined with them. Sending love, it really is the shittiest place to be. But it will get easier.

GreenMeerkat · 17/07/2018 21:51

I'm so sorry OP.

I miscarried my first pregnancy at about the same time and felt much the same way you do. Everybody deals with loss differently so you just have to process it in your own way. The nurse has suggested waiting 2 months to try again so I would reassess the situation then rather than make any decision now.

Hope you feel better soon

orangedahlia31 · 17/07/2018 22:23

I completely agree with everyone here - a loss at any time is devastating - and particularly when it's your first. It's so much sadder than you ever thought it might be, right? Look after yourself, and your partner.
And definitely give yourself a little bit of time. It's bound to be a bit up and down. But it'll get better. Just let yourself grieve - and remember you have every right to grieve for it.
I came on this thread tonight because I've just miscarried and feel so incredibly sad and lonely. So I'm with you tonight! Take care xx

Flip