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Anybody just want to talk and support each other?
6

xJune88 · 06/07/2018 12:23

Hi all just finding life in general extremely difficult at the moment. I had a loss in January at 6/7weeks but managed to get past this and look to the future. In March I found out I was pregnant was over the moon, anxious but sure this pregnancy would be different. In June I was 8 weeks and my Dad died after a short battle with cancer which ripped my world in 2 but we had the baby to think of and had something positive to carry on for. Went for my 12 week scan 3 weeks ago at 13 weeks and was told the baby had died a few weeks before. Life since then has been very difficult, emotional and nearly tearing my marriage apart. I just feel so depressed and confused. Management of my mmc was extremely traumatic which hasn't helped and I had my choice taken away from me. I've also been told I'm rhesus negative which concerns me alot. To add to this I am bloody sick of seeing pregnant women and hearing them moan about problems I would do ANYTHING to be pregnant. Just want people to talk to and help each other through this until hopefully we can have healthy pregnancies. Xx

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Martini123 · 07/07/2018 05:20

Hi xJune88,

I would say that I am so sorry for you but actually, I bet you get that said to you all the time and what good is a sorry with nothing to follow through?

It sounds like you have had a horrific year. Two miscarriages, your Dad's death and the impact it is having on your marriage must be so difficult to cope with. I can't imagine how you feel and how this is impacting on you. I am not surprised you feel so depressed and confused - it's really a struggle to make sense of such senselessness. There is nothing that I can say that will help you feel any different except that you are an incredibly strong warrior who now has the love and support of two rainbow babies and her father watching over her and you will get through this. You may be a different person when you come out the other side but you will find a way and every day there will be a moment when you are able to let go of the shackles of grief and allow yourself to be - hopefully those moments will become longer and you will learn to live with the complexities of our human existence.

Take time, Rainbow Mama. Take time out and allow yourself to grieve three very special people in your life. If your husband can't hack it, possibly encourage him to find his own way to find his peace. But, do what you have to do - go hug and tree and cry it out (this works for me), write it out, scream it out, beat a pillow up and get the anger out - whatever, as long as you are not hurting another - you need to find a way to process.

Also, it may also be worth looking into counselling and/or getting some bereavement work. Speaking to the Miscarriage Association, CRUSE or another service might be worthwhile. Or maybe RELATE if your husband will go with you. I have been told that marriage issues are completely common in the wake of miscarriage and grief.

I am also rhesus negative and think it will be okay as long as you get your injections - my gran, mama, sister and myself are all rhesus negative. They all had healthy babies (my gran had 6 and my mum had 4!) so I wouldn't worry so much.

I completely understand about seeing pregnant women - yesterday I finally passed my rainbow baby. I sit here very early in the morning feeling very empty. My sister in law gave birth just over a week ago whilst I was waiting for my natural miscarriage to take place. It is such a difficult dynamic for them and us. Up until my own miscarriage, I had no idea how a pregnancy announcement or even being pregnant could hurt another but now I am especially aware and if I am ever blessed with a healthy pregnancy next time, I will make sure I am sensitive to others. People don't understand if they have never been through it and it can be really hard to see others so happy in the face of new life. The way I cope is if it were my healthy pregnancy I would be overjoyed and I know I would find it difficult to repress in front of others.

It's just a very sad and difficult time. I wrote about my loss here: graciebridges.blogspot.com/2018/06/loss-blog-post_22.html - I am not sure if it's helpful to you. In a very longwinded way, I just want to say - you are not alone. I feel you.

I am now engaging with Chinese Medicine to get myself stronger for TTC again. The Doctor has been amazing and I am hoping this will help as I am 40 and don't have a major amount of time on my side. We'll see.

Take care of yourself, sorry for so much writing! xxx

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xJune88 · 07/07/2018 10:24

Thsnkyou so much @Martini123 that helped massively. So so sorry on the loss of your baby too the pain is unimaginable. I think I'm definitely going to reach out for some councilling as I think I'm going to reach breaking point if I don't it's just the silliest things that hurt me the most. That's good to hear about the rhesus negative people just make it sound so bloody scary and rare but surely it isn't so rare? I never thought I'd be ready to try again. Ever. But all I want is to be pregnant again it's so surreal. I will read your blog later as what you've written to me has really helped and means alot. I really hope we both get our miracles and keep our sanity in the mean time! I'm defo going to keep my next pregnancy to myself until atleast 12 weeks but think I'll possibly wait longer if I can. What medicine are you taking/trying? I just cannot wait for my next period so I can try again we've been advised to wait atleast one cycle to ensure any retained product is passed. Thanks again xx

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Sice · 09/07/2018 14:14

So sorry to hear about your losses. I too feel heartbroken and despondent as if my body has let me down. After 5 years of trying finally got pregant last year with twins but lost the pregnancy due 4th of blighted ovum in June 2017.had to have an mva which itself was painful and traumatic.cycle returned and I gat pregnant in September 2017 to my surprise .6 week scan showed twins to my surprise was so happy passed the 12 week scan and was now excited. In december discovered was having twin boys ohh my I was happy. Then in February 2018 started bleeding went to my doc only to discover had already dilated and was going through pre term labour at 23 weeks had to have an emergency c section and babies only survived for 7hours.it was so heart wrenching to go through the second loss my dh was supportive but life has never been the same. My DH now wants to try again but I am so scared dear

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bmak · 10/07/2018 10:57

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage.
Im currently passing my baby, went for an emergency scan yesterday at 10 weeks to find out baby stopped growing at 7 weeks and 2 days.
Was devastated and I really do not know what to do with myself now!
All i hear is that at least its happened early but, i didnt want it to happen at all and i still have lost a baby and its heart breaking
I am supposed to be going back on thursday for treatment but, i think i have just passed the pregnancy. Its so hard!!

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Sice · 10/07/2018 11:56

Bmak so very sorry on your loss. Pregnancy loss at whatever stage Is traumatic be it earlier or later. You would wish it never happened all in all. Hugs take it easy

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Martini123 · 10/12/2018 21:42

@xJune88 - how are you getting on now? X

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