Did you do something on what would have been your due date?

[Naughtykitty]

Hi everyone,

I had a miscarriage in December. It's been a very long process to me feeling back to my old self. I'm not sure that I ever will for ways both good and bad. It was our first pregnancy and a baby that we waited a long time for. We haven't started trying again as we're moving house and it's taken me a long time to feel emotionally ready.

It's coming up to what would have been my due date so naturally it's on my mind a lot lately. DP asked if I wanted to do something for it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to allow myself to feel vulnerable again (I'm very much a stiff upper lip girl but since December I've found myself being more emotional than ever, it bursts out when I least expect it). Or if I want to do something. Something small nothing major.

I guess my question is...did you do something? Did you keep yourself busy? We are due to move house very soon and originally I wanted to tie this in with the date to just keep my mind busy but now I'm not sure.

Thanks

Anyone?

I'm so sorry for you and your partner's loss. I think since it's on both of your minds, it could be helpful for you to mark it in some way. Maybe light a candle together and talk a little bit about the love you felt for what would have been your first child. Or you could read a poem or plant a flower/tree somewhere. Whatever ritual strikes a chord with you. If you don't want to mark it just take extra care to look after each other in the run up and on the day. Moving house is a stressful time on top of this so mind yourselves.

Hi there

I have a date that is a big loss, it's been a few years now and I've gone with a few different things to get through it.

I agree with the ritual idea, year to year it gets easier. My parents still take a moment every year for a child they lost at birth nearly forty years ago.

PP ideas sound really good.

I have an upsetting date that comes around for me every year, I've gone with trying to not notice but it but it gets me anyway. So instead I try to do something really positive, something kind for other people, to see kindness and positive things in life instead of pain. That helps me feel more at peace with things.

I was uncertain what to do for mine or even if I wanted to do anything. I toyed with the idea of planting a flower or doing something special or doing nothing at all. I didn't know how I'd feel. It was hard because my relationship broke down so I didn't have anyone other than close family to share it with. I did take that day and the day after off work as I knew I wouldn't want to be in the office pretending life was fine.

In the end I had two job interviews that day and just had a nice semi-normal day without worrying about it, which sounds odd but was liberating somehow.

I still plan to buy a May flowering plant for my garden but now the due date has passed I feel a lot less pressure.

My advice would be to make no plans but do what feels right and not to worry if you decide not to do anything to mark it. It doesn't mean you'll ever forget.

We do something to mark the anniversary of my stillborn. Nothing huge, we spend the day together and do something nice, take flowers to the crematorium, go for a walk on the beach etc and just think of him and talk about him. We planted a flamingo tree in our garden on last years anniversary - it attracts butterflies and is just beautiful. This year we will spend sitting in the garden by the tree raising a toast to the one we lost. It helps me, I spend some of the day feeling sad, I have a good cry but doing something beautiful makes it peaceful and restful and it really helps me. We don't do much on what should have been his due date (he was premature) just light a candle. Do whatever feels right for you

I’m sorry for your loss

I planned a trip away to mark the due date, my husband and I needed some quality time together away from it all. We went to
Cornwall in November, it was beautiful. We went for a walk and saw a rainbow which felt very poignant (I found out a week later that I was pg again). We lit candles and spent time thinking about our little boy. We have since scattered his ashes in a baby remembrance garden and go there on birthdays/anniversaries etc to think about him. The anticipation of the day was harder than the day itself in the end.

There are no right or wrong answers, you have to do whatever feels right for you both