MMC. Then chemical. Now ectopic...

[StargazyDrifter]

...I feel like a walking (well, hobbling) disaster to have had all of this in very quick succession.

I'm under 'expectant management' for the ectopic until further notice. Doctors saying it's all terrible luck and no obvious causes. Part of me thinks this is just the universe telling me to give up and do something else with my life. The other part is screaming to keep going.

I have all the facts and all the science, but where is it that we go for strength at times like this? I seem to have lost the way a little bit.

Oh that’s awful. I’m so sorry

Thing is, you can read all the logical stuff you like, and you know it’s true, but when you’re going through this so much of it is pure emotion.

So don’t give up, but allow yourself to feel how you feel. MC is an awful experience, and you need time and self care just now. The rationalisation is for later.

I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's difficult not to see cosmic alignment (or misalignment) in this sort of thing isn't it? I found out the baby that I was carrying had died on my birthday; it had been conceived on my wedding anniversary and was due on the first anniversary of my Mum's suicide. I'm trying hard to adopt a 'bad luck' perspective on it all.
It's so hard in the midst of everything, but hopefully one day, surrounded by your children, this will all seem like a distant if very difficult episode in your life.
Lots of hugs xx

I’m sorry OP,

Reading these boards tonight as since Dec I’ve had 7 week mmc, 5 week chem and now a confirmed blighted ovum at 8 weeks! Also waiting for medical management if my body doesn’t do the job itself in the next week.

I feel like it’s just not going to happen for me - is the universe telling me something too?

My sensible head is telling me to give myself a 6 month break, get my body back into a rhythm and a break from heartache. But also I should keep going too - I’ve no time to waste at 35!

I’m not sure if I can keep going. Desperate for a sibling for my DD who is 3 now.....I feel guilt for her too. I’m really unsure about trying again, if it doesn’t work out a 4th time in a row - I know that something is wrong.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on about myself - but I truly know how you feel.....

I’m so sorry op, sounds like you’ve been terribly unlucky. I’ve just had an ectopic and unfortunately my tube ruptured so had surgery 8 days ago to remove it. At least they’ve caught yours early so they can treat it hopefully.
It’s hard both emotionally and physically but all we can do is keep trying.

Sorry you are going through this @StargazyDrifter - it's utterly crap isn't it?
I am sympathise - I've had a (self resolving) ectopic, a chemical and a MMC... and seems I have probably had another MMC now too - awaiting confirmation at scan on Wednesday as last weeks scan we had a heartbeat but bay hadn't grown since the week before.
All except the ectopic were after IVF treatment as we have unexplained secondary infertility.
It could all be just bad luck, and I hope that's the case for you and your luck changes - I expect for me that it's age (I'm 41 now, was 37 when had the ectopic). It's depressing and cruel. I feel now that I wish I hadn't got pregnant at all rather than get my hopes up each time and spend some much valuable time being pregnant with unviable babies....

to you. I hope that you get your baby in the end x

Thanks so much, everyone, for the genuinely warm and helpful words.

@Bowlofbabelfish, you're quite right it's pure emotion and letting myself rage and wail a bit today has been more helpful than I had expected. Let's hope the neighbours weren't in...

@Pampl3m0usse, oh I do know what you mean, I have a few special dates tied into this sorry saga as well, and it would have been so special and cute, whereas now I suspect I'll always have the memory of what didn't happen lurking around on those days. Yes it's completely coincidental but so hard not to make connections, especially where much-missed loved ones are involved. I will confess to having sobbed my eyes out at seeing 'your children' written down in your post. But what a beautiful thought, which hadn't really occurred to me.

@CurlyTwurlyTwos, that's just dreadful luck and commiserations. Isn't it perverse, having gone through a MMC and filed that under 'worst things ever' in our minds that we are now hoping for an MC in place of an operation? One of those context is everything things. Let us know how you are getting on and fingers very much crossed for you. I'm a similar age and have all the same thoughts.

@charlyn, so sorry to hear your news, and fingers very much crossed for your speedy recovery.

@Hobbes39, sorry to hear about the possible MMC too. I remember that wait so well, it was awfully hard: partly because you hope against all odds that it's not the end (after all MMCs are rare in themselves, so why not another rare ocurace in that it all turns out to be ok against the odds?), and partly because you also walk around half-expecting a MC to start any day. I hated the uncertainty, the not knowing what to think. Fingers crossed for you for Wednesday, do let us know how you get on.

A couple of you have mentioned wasted time and feeling guilty for other LOs, I really get this. I don't have other DCs but have a wonderful DH and a fulfilling job where I think I make a smidgen of a difference in the world some of the time. All of that good stuff has been kind of in black and white, and I feel cross with myself for having got so caught up with peeing on sticks that lead to nowhere while the other stuff is left to one side. Next time, if there is a next time, I want to try and not lose myself in early pregnancy. But of course, the more losses, the more difficult that becomes.

💐 all round and, for those who can, 🍸 too!

Just to confirm - heartbeat has stopped and baby is smaller, so it’s all over. I’m booked for Monday to have op if it hasn’t happened naturally by then. X

Ow. So sorry. 💐💐💐 I hope the op goes ok and that you have a super speedy recovery. Dreadful, unfair stuff. But let's keep that saying in mind - it's will all be all right in the end and, if it's not all right, it's not the end.