I was told on Friday that I was having a chemical pregnancy from my HCG blood levels.
Had this pregnancy stuck, it would have been a first DC for my DH and a 5th DC for me. It was a surprise to find out I was pregnant 10 days ago but deep down I was over the moon. DH initially didn't want it, he was scared but quickly came around.
I went to the toilet five minutes ago and the bleeding has begun. I've miscarried once before, when I was about 9 weeks gone so I know what to expect.
I wasn't expecting to feel so sad. Since I found out this was a chemical pregnancy, I've acted like it's nothing. It's so early, it's not a 'baby', it wasn't meant to be etc.
It's the thought of what could have been I guess. Watching DH see his baby on scans, DH feeling his baby kick, meeting his baby for the first time. I know how amazing all of that is, and I was so excited for DH.
I was scared too, money, stress, space. But I knew that we would manage.
Anyways, I'm not sure why I'm posting. I suppose I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, as they will likely think I'm just being over dramatic, that I have 4 DC already and it wasn't a baby yet anyways. I know all of that is logically true. Emotionally, it still hurts.