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'Worrying won't help'
3

Jellybaby2 · 30/05/2018 23:49

I've recently went through the physical and emotional rollercoaster of a miscarriage. Bleeding so heavily that I was nearly admitted. After long hours in the emergency room and two examinations, the doctor confirmed our fears and said it's looking likely that it is the start of a miscarriage(as my cervix had opened, having severe cramps, heavy clotted bleed (which lasted days) and diarrhoea). At my scan 3 days later, the baby was still on the scan but too early to see at heartbeat ( 5weeks approx). I'm in the middle of 2week wait for my scan and do not know how to feel. My husband, friends and family will not engage in a conversation with me for fear of upsetting/distressing me I think. The conversation ends abruptly with something along the lines of 'there's no point in worrying about it ' or 'wait and see. There's a difference between worrying and wondering. I'm obviously going to think about it. 2 weeks has felt like 2 months.
Bahhgg.

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LoveOfAnAngel · 31/05/2018 01:26

Hi Jellybaby2, it's amazing how people manage to project back onto you how in the wrong YOU are for expressing your thoughts/feelings/concerns. In reality it's because they feel uncomfortable with the conversation because they don't know what to say but rather than owning that it has to be your fault for overthinking things.

Why can't people just allow people to think/feel however they need and just 'be there' even if that's just with an understanding hug because they don't have the right words rather than making you feel alone and unjustified for having your feelings.

Someone once said to me 'feelings just are it's what we do with them that causes the problems'. You can't control how you feel, don't allow anyone to make you feel bad/wrong for having those feeling and needing to express them you are entitled to your feelings and to feel supported. Sometimes people don't realise how they come across maybe you could try (particularly with your husband) to let them know that you need them to be supportive right now and not dismissive. Easier said that done I know it's not always easy to ask for the support you need particularly when it's already been made clear that the other person doesn't want to talk/deal with something but ultimately it's your body going through this and your husband should be more supportive.

Hope everything works out for you x

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JellybabyRo · 04/06/2018 09:27

Thankyou for your words of support.
Everyone in my life has been much more supportive this week and has initiated the conversations. Hubby admitted he was trying to minimise my stress as he was worried about the baby.
It's been good to vent and have an understanding response at a difficult time though, thank you.
Have you been through a similar scenario?
Xx

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LoveOfAnAngel · 04/06/2018 18:35

I'm glad that everyone is being more supportive now, maybe they just needed to get their own heads around it before they felt in a position to not say the wrong thing.

People are funny creatures and sometimes they can be thinking about you and hoping you're okay but keep those thoughts in their head rather than reaching out and letting you know that they're thinking about you which leaves you feeling alone.

I haven't been through a similar situation in terms of potentially losing a baby both my girls were born early (22 and 28 weeks) and both gained their angel wings. However, I do know what it's like to have people around you who don't want to acknowledge a situation because they don't want to have to deal with it which leaves you dealing with it on your own.

You must be due your scan in the next few days.

Fingers crossed for you x

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