Current miscarriage... how to cope?

[littleemma1]

Hi all

On Sunday we found out we were expecting baby number 1 then yesterday morning I started bleeding 😢 started about 8am as spotting then by 9am was full flow blood so I rang the midwife and she said to keep an eye on it with the cramping too and call back in a couple of hours. By midday it became like a heavy period with pains so I called back and she’s confirmed it’s most likely an early miscarriage however they cannot do any scans as I was only 5 weeks yesterday. I have to wait 10 days and POAS which will more than likely be a big fat negative which I’m already fucking dreading 😭😭😭

We are trying to take a silver lining away from this that at least we can get pregnant as just in February we were told by a gynaecologist it was unlikely we would conceive naturally due to me having PCOS. Yet somehow, the first time I naturally ovulated we fell pregnant! Kind of knew it was to good to be true 😔😭
It’s seems silly as we only found out on Sunday so have barely had time to get our heads around it but we are (understandably I think) devastated.
Those 2 little lines though were the life we long for, the promise of things to come, and then it’s just ripped away 😭

Work were amazing when I rang to explain and they said take as much time off as I need, don’t rush back. I’m due back tomorrow as (thankfully) yesterday and today are my two days off this week. I think I might get up and go, then if I can’t cope I can always come home.

Waking up this morning was horrendous and remembering what’s happening. I’ve lay and broke my heart. My fiancé has been amazing and has cried with me but I think his recovery will be quicker than mine. Every time I go to pee or every cramp I get it’s a reminder of what’s happening.

Then I get angry. So angry at how shit the world is. Angry that (in my opinion) people who don’t deserve children get plenty of them. People who don’t take care of themselves, continue to smoke and drink throughout pregnancy just breeze right through it all. HOW IS THAT FAIR?!

How do I know if I’m dealing with this in the right way? How do I know if I’m healing?
Please someone, just tell me I’m not alone, you’ve been through it too and that I will come out the other side.

I should probably add that we get married in 6 weeks on 7th July, so should be really happy and excited about that, but in all honesty, I can’t think that far ahead right now.

I'm so sorry I didn't want to read and run I'm sure a lot of ladies will be along long soon who can advise you.Please try and look forward to your wedding

Thank you @QueenOfMyWorld. It’s early days but I think we will eventually start looking forward to it again. It will be a hard day though as we were wondering how to get through the whole thing without me drinking but we won’t need to now 😔

So sorry you are going through this it is really hard. I went through the same thing in April the uncertainty of not knowing it is definitely a mc is the hardest part. I was 6 weeks and was told too early for scan to confirm too. It took just over a week for the bleeding to stop and 3 weeks from start of bleeding I still had a faint positive then 4 days later had first af after and my god it was heavy and painful but think it was my body expelling everything left as after I stopped (though over a week rather than 5 days as normal af) I finally got my negative test.
Take care and look after yourself and if you are worried about anything call your epu/gp/mw for advice they were all really helpful with me. Fingers crossed you get confirmation soon.

Im very sorry to hear your news- I can totally sympathise. I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks (no embryo just a sac measuring 5-6 weeks) had surgery for retained tissue and four weeks on I feel much better.

Our pregnancy was a complete miracle (my husband has an existing fertility issue) so to miscarry was an incredible blow. We were heartbroken. All of our friends fell pregnant immediately and now have their perfect family. We are happy for them but it makes us feel- why is it so hard for us? It's absolutely completely normal how you are feeling and I can tell you now that it will get easier, I promise. I still feel sad but I'm full of hope for next time. You will get there. Give yourself time xx

So sorry to hear this, your story is heart breaking and myself (along with the others who have replied) all totally get it.

One thing I will say is, for me anyway, the bleeding is the worst thing, and when that stopped I felt some sort of closure. Going to the toilet and seeing the “evidence” is just a constant reminder, so soldier on through that and then things will get better I promise!

And about th POAS thing, I don’t know about anyone else but I felt so angry when the nurses told me this. Like you said, all this these prayers for two lines yet we are instructed to take a test to make sure we definitely AREN’T pregnant. How messed up is that?!

And I’m angry too. It’s bad to judge, but I’m angry at all the people you see in the news with 12 children living off the tax payer or women who have smoked and drank and taken drugs all throughout their pregnancies and still had their babies...why are we the unlucky ones? Just try and put these bad thoughts aside, easier said than done I know but I have ended up getting myself do worked up, and for what? No matter how angry I get, I still have no baby.

Sorry to hijack your post, but I want you to know I feel you and I’m with you!

Oh @Blondcat I hope it doesn’t take that long 😢😢😢
How are you now?
@Mistymeow it’s hard isn’t it?! A couple of my friends had already baby bombed us before this so I think it’s going to be quite hard to face them. I don’t want to be the jealous kind but sometimes it’s so overwhelming 😭 xx

@Ells0204 you’ve hit so many nails on the head with that!!!
You’re right, the bleeding is a constant reminder of what’s going on and I think I may be the same as you, once it’s stops I might get a little “closure”
Honestly I feel you so much, thank you for posting, I feel slightly more normal xxx

@littleemma1 I am good now thanks. Was a horrible time and really just wanted to crack on with trying again and waiting for that negative was horrible then when af came I was gutted as just wanted it over but it the other side feeling much better and now in first tww (I think) so we will see when af comes again to see if I am back to the same length cycles as before bfp.
Fingers crossed it is much quicker for you and you have a healthy pregnancy very soon x

Thank you @Blondcat. Sending baby dust your way! Xxx