Loss of one twin at 29 weeks

[birdy1978]

I’m just after a bit of reassurance - I had a scan two days ago and there was only one heart beat. This was not unexpected as his growth had stopped several weeks earlier. I’ve been told that the remaining twin is healthy and there’s no reason that I should get to term with her. It’s going to be a hard 10 weeks, and I’m not sure what to expect from my birth other than it will be a day of mixed emotions.

I don't have experience of this but didn't want to read and run. My heart goes out to you love and I'm sorry for your loss

I'm so very sorry @birdy1978 you poor thing. I can't imagine the emotions of facing the next 10 weeks. Are TAMBA able to offer guidance and advice? If anyone knows the practical aspects I am sure they will.
I hope doctors are being supportive and have offered all the help they can.
Different circumstances for us but we lost our baby at 27 weeks and the wee mementoes that we have mean the world to us, so discussing anything you can have/do once they are both delivered with someone may be good.
We did things like we slept with a blanket for the few days and then when she arrived they wrapped her in the blanket that smelled like us. We had a SIMBA box (do look them up if they don't serve your area, if you get in touch with Sara and explain your situation I am sure she will send you a box) and the box has a small hand knitted teddy in it, and another small bear. We kept one and put one in with our dd.
Also because yours are twins you might want to get doubles of things like blankets/teddy's anyway so that as your dd grows up you can let her know that they are extra special as they are the ones that are also with her twin.
My heart breaks for you. I know my circumstances are different but if you need to speak to someone over the next few weeks please do PM me.

Just to update in case anyone finds themselves in a similar position - I had my healthy baby girl last week at 36+2. I went into labour spontaneously and as it progressed very quickly I didn’t have the elective section I’d planned for, but a natural delivery was actually an unexpected bonus. The whole team at the hospital were amazing - so thoughtful and sensitive throughout. I was placed in the bereavement suite and given plenty of time to prepare myself to meet my little boy. He had been presented beautifully by the midwives and they’d taken some photos and handprints for me to keep. It was so hard seeing him but I’m so glad I did. He was incredibly tiny but perfectly formed. I decided not to have a post mortem and I’m seeing the bereavement midwife today to discuss what happens next regarding a funeral. When everyone is congratulating me on the safe arrival of my daughter it’s tough that no one seems to acknowledge that she has a brother, but I guess people are uncomfortable with mentioning him. Hopefully I’ll find a way to remember him that is meaningful for us as a family.

So sorry about your little boy. My DD was stillborn 2 years ago, we have an older DC and a younger one now, I bought a book that's like a bed time story almost, designed to help her siblings understand, they do a twin loss one aswell. We do a lot to make sure we remember her in a positive way, and although our friends are still wary about mentioning her we make the effort to always say her name to them (saying her name isn't an effort, I just mean not being nervous about people's reactions). Sands groups are also a life saver for me and have 'rainbow baby' groups that we go to aswell. Congratulations on your new baby aswell, enjoy the lovely newborn snuggles and take care of yourself

www.personalisedchildlossbook.com/one-of-a-twin-in-utero/

I cannot begin to imagine the maelstrom of emotions you are experiencing but I found your post so very moving and wanted to wish you both my heartfelt condolences and congratulations xx