I lost my beautiful little girl to Preeclampsia at 23 weeks . . . Heartbroken

[LeeshiaCH]

I don’t even know where to start or why I’m here I just need to help other women if possible with my story as no woman should ever have to experience the pain I’m going through.

January 2017 was my first miscarriage - blighted ovum. It was difficult but me and my husband made it through. January 2018 a year later I find out I’m expecting again. Anxiety hit me but we had an early scan and everything was progressing perfectly. I found out I’m having a little girl and me and my husbands hearts were overwhelmed with love. I could finally enjoy my pregnancy. I started to feel her move and kick and I had never felt love like it.

By 22 weeks I had a very active little girl and felt her move quite often. At 23 weeks 2 days I woke up and her movement had decreased dramatically I didn’t worry as I was told her pattern wouldn’t be distinguished just yet but something was telling me to get it checked. I went to maternity triage and the nightmare began. I was told I had a high blood pressure and protein in my urine of +4. I had developed preeclampsia and the only way I knew was my little girl telling me something was wrong by less movement. She had a heartbeat that day, the next morning it was gone and I didn’t believe them. She was so healthy and scans were perfect. How???

I had to deliver her and she was beautiful. She looked just like me and her daddy. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but made the decision to hold her and see her. She was perfect and looked as though she was sleeping peacefully.

Ladies if you feel like something is wrong don’t let any doctor or person tell you it’s too early or it can’t happen. I’m proof it can happen with no warning and I was terribly sick. She saved my life. I was told they had never seen such high levels of protein in preeclampsia as mine.

Looking back I didn’t notice my nose slightly swollen and my ankles would swell up but I put it down to the heat and pregnancy. The signs they tell you to look out for I didn’t have. I felt fine just pregnant.

Have any other ladies experienced this? For now I’m grieving for my princess I will never get to bring home but I hope I’m the future when we are ready to try again we will have our happy ending.

So so sorry for your loss xx

@LeeshiaCH I am so so sorry. We lost our little girl through some form of placental insufficiency at 27 wks. Like you I only realised something was up as I felt her movements were sluggish. They kept telling me that at 27 wks her movements would still be erratic and hard to feel all the time.
Which is total bs. I firmly believe that mom's have a sense with these things. It's so so hard though.
We lost our dd in the end of September. The first few months are a blur, I don't really remember them at all. Don't feel alone, we are here, the baby loss community is full of the most supportive and kind people I have ever encountered. And no one else gets the enormity of this loss like another loss parent. PM me any time. Even if it's just to rage.
All the best to you and your family. I hope you got to spend time with her. What is her name? I will light the candle beside my little ones for your baby girl tonight. Xx

@purpleshimmer
Sorry for your loss as well. It's just so awful.

I'm so so bloody sorry. It's just the worst thing to have to go through and I'm so sorry you've had to go through it. I wish you and all the posters all the very best.

I am so sorry for your loss op, I have been through similar and it is honestly the worst thing I have ever had to go through in my life. I lost my baby boy at 24 weeks due to pre eclampsia. This was almost 8 years ago now and things do get a lot easier. I was also fobbed off by the midwife on the phone triage, I took myself to the walk in centre in the end and they checked my bp and urine, I was also very ill at the time more than I realised. I am happy to talk if you want to either on here or via pm. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time and take any help you can get

@Flowersonthewall - Thank you so much for your kind words. It means so much xx

@purpleshimmer - I’m so sorry for your loss and your right delivering your baby in those circumstances is so difficult. You are very brave also to still share your story after all this time. I hope it’s true that time does heal, for now I’m going through a pain I have never experienced. I will lay my princess to rest next Tuesday and I hope that brings me and my husband some peace.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. It really does bring me comfort to know I’m not alone.

Xx

@Miami81 - thank you for your kind words and I’m so sorry that you have also suffered a loss. It is heartbreaking.

We as Mom’s do have a sense and with my little girl, like your’s she told me something isn’t right. I just didn’t think it would escalate so quickly into something so wrong.

I did spend time with her which was so precious and we decided to keep her in the room with us in a cold cot overnight. That night me and my husband managed to sleep for the first time in days. It was a hard decision to make but I feel as her mommy I made the right one. Did you see your precious little girl?

Her name is Chloe and thank you so much for the kind gesture. It really is overwhelming that you would do something like this for me and brings me so much comfort xxxx

I lost my son Jack at 26 weeks. I'm not sure if it was pre eclampsia or not. I did wonder though as I had pre eclampsia with ds2 and had to deliver him 2 weeks early. I had no pe symptoms with either boy.
Sending you a huge hug.

@Owletterocks - You are right about it being the worst thing we as Moms ever have to go through. I’m so sorry for your loss of your baby boy.

The fact that you went through something similar is terrible as they tell you it’s rare so early on, yet it seems it has happened to lots of moms quite early.

The fact that I was so ill and didn’t even realise still doesn’t seem real. I’m on so much medication currently and have had so many tests yet whilst I was pregnant with her I didn’t feel as ill as they are saying I’am so it’s hard to come to terms with. I do genuinely believe she saved my life I’m just so heartbroken she lost hers in the process.

I trust it will get easier in time. It hurts that because she was only 23 + 4 they don’t class her as viable yet she had the most perfect features and so beautiful.

How long did it take you to recover after? Did you have to take meds etc afterwards? Xxxx

@84CharingCrossRoad - I’m so sorry for your loss. The no symptoms appearing really does throw you for a loop and you don’t actually realise you are so ill with Pre-eclampsia. There should be more information out there for this x

With ds2 I felt really well.
With ds1 I started bleeding went in and labour started a few days later. That was nearly 24 years ago now...

To be honest op, the whole aftermath was a bit of a blur. I was on labetalol for a while after but a low dose and then it was stopped. I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid as well so I would recommend you get bloods tested for that as they felt that may have contributed.

I get what you are saying about the 24 week mark, I was hospitalised for 2 weeks before I lost him and I was praying he would at least make it to 24 weeks. He was 24 weeks exactly when I gave birth to him. He was perfect and I imagine your beautiful Chloe was too.

I really feel for you op, I couldn’t imagine feeling that pain again, I just want you to know that I know how bad it is but I promise it will get easier. Do you have a bereavement support midwife? I found them helpful when I was at my lowest. SANDS was also a great support both online and face to face.

@LeeshiaCH took a small pic of the candles for you. I hope you can see them.
Chloe is a lovely name. Our lovely midwife who helped me deliver our dd was called Chloe, I still get totally emotional whenever I hear anyone called that. Just want to give them all a hug.
We had our baby in the room with us as well in her cold cot. It was lovely, it just felt like our wee space to be with her and parent her. I am so glad that the cold cot was available and that we got that time.
Take it easy over the next while. All the best, and like I say anytime you need to chat just drop me a line.

I'm so heartbroken for you. I can't even imagine how you and your DH feel. Wishing you quick recovery with the pre eclampsia.
Don't really know what to say but my hearts aching and crying for you. Xx

@Miami81 - Words can’t explain how much it means to me that you have done something like this for my beautiful Chloe. What was your little girls name?

The cold cot was the best decision we made. I didn’t think I would have the strength to do it but it felt so right and it allowed me to create memories with my little girl.

Thank you for all your support xx

@Owletterocks - what was your little boys name?

They had me on those meds you took but it wasn’t working so put me on Nifedipine. They are currently completing tests and I will have the results when I go to see a consultant in 6 weeks for some answers.

I don’t have a bereavement midwife yet she was on annual leave but I will have a follow up with her soon and I have been given a pack from SANDS. Haven’t gone through yet but once I lay my little girl to rest on Tuesday I will look at how I can start to heal.

Thank you again for sharing your story. I can’t imagine it was easy for you to relive but you have helped me in knowing I’m not alone xx

Update - I have recently been discharged from hospital again after a seizure which they thought was eclampsia. Turns out it was Venous Sinus Thrombosis a blood clot on the brain which was provoked by pregnancy and the way my blood clots. Have been put on blood thinners to dissolve the clot and I hope that I can start to recover from this. The past few weeks have been a nightmare but I’m grateful to have made it through. I just wish my little girl made it with me xx