Due date only a few weeks away - what to do?

[Zoo33]

My due date is rapidly approaching (it's the end of this month). I'm also now single with no prospect of getting pregnant in the near future unless I go it alone via fertility treatment (which I'm investigating slowly).

How did you cope with your due dates? I've provisionally booked it off work as I have no idea how I'll feel (probably be a complete mess unless my counsellor can work miracles), but I don't know whether to try to ignore it completely or to do something quietly to mark it. What did you do?

Aww I'm sorry your due date it imminent. Tbh I don't really know what advice to give but didn't want to just read and leave. My due date will be coming in September I do not know how I'm going to feel. I think it will be really hard.
Surround yourself with people who's company you enjoy, or someone know who's what you've been through.

Don't completely write it off meeting someone. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I know someone who went it alone with a donor and she is loving life with her baby. Know it's not everyone's cup of tea though but stuff them . Sending you a hug.

My first dd was stillborn at 32 weeks. On her due date, dh and I went for a winter walk to a beautiful beach about an hours drive away. We picked shell's to take to her grave and toasted her with chocolate. We returned on her first and second birthdays and would like to continue to do so. My advice would be to do something so you feel you have marked the occasion and to plan in advance so you don't have to do thinking on the day.

Thanks @Itwillallbegood @Sunshineworshipper and I'm so sorry to hear about your losses.

My counsellor reckons ignoring it is a very bad idea - even if I choose not to mark it, pretending it's not happening apparently isn't sensible. I'm buying a house and am very much hoping to have completed by then, in which case I think I'd like to plant something. I guess I'm supposed to be relieved I'm not having a baby with an emotionally abusive man but at the moment the loss is still too painful.

@Sunshineworshipper I'm 34. I haven't written off meeting someone but knowing I have the option of going it alone is taking a lot of the pressure off. My family are all hugely supportive of the idea so that helps.

@Itwillallbegood I love the idea of collecting shells for her grave. I hope it provides some comfort.

I went out for dinner with friends who don't want children and have an amazing lifestyle - travel, volunteering, foodie stuff, sport. I needed it for balance and as a reminder that life would be worth living even if I was never able to have a baby. They knew the significance of the date but we didn't dwell on it.

I thought I would be fine. I wasn't. I took the day to be kind to myself. Me and my husband had the day off together and had a nice dinner. Do something nice for yourself.

Oh op this is so hard. I didn't do anything on the actual due date as I was too much of a wreck. On what would have been my DC's first birthday I went out to the site where we buried their little remains and I had a good long cry. I'll probably go back next year too. Hugs to you

@HerculesMulligan @Alwayscommuting @TheMotherOfBears Thank you so much for sharing. It sounds like we do what we can to cope and that whatever that is, it's okay.

I've lost 3. Your therapist is right in saying not to try and ignore it - it'll likely bite you on the arse if you tried that. My first mc nobody even knew I was pregnant and I went into work and tried to carry on as normal only to break down dealing with a customer with a baby.

With the 2nd mc (twins) it was a very different scenario. Husband and family knew I was pregnant and because medically it was complex I was off work and in hospital for around 3 weeks and off sick at home for another 5 which meant work colleagues knew too. (I don't lie to people).

I took a few days off around the due date and honestly hibernated. Husband was supportive and understood. Was difficult for him too of course.

I didn't do anything at the time but each year since I light candles and do a blessing for them. Not everyone's taste but for this in particular I think each to their own.

Planting something if you can is a lovely idea.

Be prepared (and I'm sure your therapist has said as much) to not only feel sadness, but also anger, frustration and injustice. Even thoroughly undeserved guilt.

Everyone handles it differently.

Are you likely to hear from the father at this time?

@Graphista I'm so sorry to hear you've lost 3. I can't imagine the pain.

It's 5 months since I left him and he's still not really accepting it so I imagine he'll try to get in touch. I've blocked him on all social media and emails (although one address seems to be unblockable), changed my number and moved, but he knows where I work so he'll find me if he wants to. I hope he doesn't - it'll be hard enough coping without him making it worse.

My boss and colleagues know what's happened as I was very honest (we're a very small team). I'm glad I was because I had loads of post-miscarriage problems and have had 5 weeks sick leave so far this year. I might try to work from home the few days before the due date as I don't think I want to be in the office having to pretend life is fine.

Thank you. It's a long time ago now. Eldest would be 27 this year, the twins would be 18.

Dd my rainbow is now 17.

So nowhere near raw now but I remember when it was. I don't think you ever get over it. Both my grans deteriorated neurologically at the end. They both still very much remembered their own losses.

But - we do get better at coping, the pain becomes less raw.

But in the meantime the milestones and dates have to be faced in whatever way helps.

I've been pondering this too. I plan to book the day (or possibly the whole week) off work as although I have no clue how I want to spend the day I'm pretty sure "at work, pretending everything is fine" is not it.

If I had the annual leave I'd book the week off (although Monday is a bank holiday and I've booked the Thursday and Friday off already). At least if I can work from my parents' home the other 2 days I can cry into my laptop without the threat of meetings being scheduled and will be left in peace unless I want to talk / rant / have a hug / whatever.

My twins would be 16 this month. I still take time out on the day and think about them. The first year I planted two plants in the garden. No longer at the house but I hope they are still there.

I didn't think about it at all around the due dates, I was probably just upset every day back then, but on the anniversary of the loss (it was actually 2 years afterwards) I got into a complete state, and spoke to a counsellor and she told me that your body remembers.

Do whatever feels right for you at the time. She did advise me not to plant anything though in case I moved house or something happened the tree in as storm and I got upset all over again, so I didn't do that I just marked it another way. But it suits some people to plant something and I do think its a lovely idea.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope you get through this ok x x

Thanks @pieceofpurplesky @3luckystars

I take the point about planting something risking pain if it dies or you move house, but perhaps the gesture is not so much that particular plant / flower but the type? So you could always plant that flower wherever you are? I don't know. It's hard to know how it'll feel beforehand. It sort of feels like the calm before the storm.

Thank you all for your helpful comments and suggestions, and sorry that you've all been through this.

This is the week I'd have gone on maternity leave. I'm finding it very hard to stay motivated at work. Looks like I won't get the keys to my new house until the 31st (my due date) - although I suppose that in itself marks the occasion?