Dealing with life after a miscarriage
Mamma2019 · 28/04/2018 11:22
Hello everyone!! Long post alert!!
I'm 32 years old and have been married for more than six years. Me and my DH have been ttc for more than three years now with no success. We were advised to try iui and at the fourth attempt, we got a positive result. Unfortunately I miscarried at approximately 6 weeks and both me and DH are devastated. It's been almost two weeks now.
I feel pulled in different directions. I want to move on and try and get back to routine as quickly as possible. One part of me wishes that I could take a break and then slowly just make my way back. I feel so angry, annoyed and frustrated at this situation. I also oscillate between blaming myself/ someone else/ time/ God etc. I know that I can't go back in time. Sometimes I just wish I knew why this had to happen. What frustrates me more is that I have absolutely no control over when we can start trying again. I know I have to heal before we can think about it, but I simply can't help it. Since we hadn't told many people about the positive result, I can't really speak with anyone about this. Trying to appear normal when I have fatigue and lightheadedness and just plain irritability is stretching my nerves. We did everything that we were told to. Took the medicines, shots, did the scans, etc etc..and then..poof!! It all came to nothing..
I have been trying to read a lot of blogs and watching videos about how to move forward. But honestly, nothing is helping. Even when my husband is trying to be supportive, I just end up snapping at him over something trivial and that makes me feel even more guilty.
Does anyone have any advice about how to go about with the healing process? Any suggestions will be welcome.
Bitsandbobsalot · 28/04/2018 11:37
I’m so so sorry for your loss.
Be very kind to yourself and give your heart time to heal. There is no time limit for these things you just have to go though all the emotions your allowed to be angry, sad and cry. A lady once told me that for 9 months after my loss ”my soul was still pregnant” it might seem silly to some but it made perfect sense to me.
When I had my last mc I planted a beautiful blossom tree in my garden for my angel baby. Watching it grow has gave me comfort, could you do something like that ?
There was nothing your or anyone could of done to change the outcome please remember that. Also your hormones are still all over the place atm.
Ttc is bloody hard work so have a little rest before you put yourself though it again. You will find the strength to try again. Massive unmumsnetty (((((hugs)))))
Melamine · 28/04/2018 12:22
So sorry for your loss. If you can afford it, I recommend counselling/therapy. I had some a couple of years ago to help me out of depression. I didn’t actually need it after my recent miscarriage as it helped me so much with my brain & thought processes. Whatever you do, good luck x
Mamma2019 · 28/04/2018 12:45
Thank you so much. Lots of prayers and hugs your way too...
NoCupcakesOrCocktails · 28/04/2018 22:42
@Mamma2019 I'm so sorry for your loss. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I had a miscarriage after ivf. I felt similar to how you say you've been feeling. I found it so hard going through a miscarriage after having such difficulty conceiving. It seems extra cruel doesn't it? I remember feeling very anxious afterwards about whether I would even be able to get pregnant again. It took me a while to get past it to be honest. I coped by keeping myself busy and focusing on getting healthy for my next round of treatment. I also had counselling through my fertility clinic which really helped. I bought a tree that I planted in memory of my baby and also released a balloon with my DH. I did go on to have a successful pregnancy a year later. Be kind to yourself and your DH, you will get there in the end
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