People's reactions to miscarriage

[Irene1986]

Hi everyone,
Sadly I have just miscarried at 11 weeks and wanted to see what people thought about the below..my husband and I didn't announce the pregnancy to anyone else so I don't need to let many people know about my MC. However I absolutely love group exercise at the gym,and when I was 5 weeks pregnant I told my favourite instructor to see what she thought and if there were any moves I should avoid etc (also in the small chance that something happened during class and she had to call an ambulance or something!). It was the first time I'd met her properly and she seemed really supportive in our first conversation and gave good advice.. Although in classes after that, she seemed to ignore me or avoid saying hi when she previously always said hi before I became pregnant (I totally could have been me overreacting)..but personally I felt a little hurt, especially because she was the only other person who knew about my pregnancy about from my husband (I did also mention to her that I wasnt telling others yet until after the first trimester as I didn't want her to ask me about it in front of friends there). I'm not sure why she was avoiding me - she seemed so supportive and encouraged me to continue and just listen to my body...however maybe after thinking about it she would really prefer me to stop going to classes after all and that's why she distanced herself..I have no idea. Anyway now I have taken a few weeks off exercise and really want to return to her class...considering for the last 6 weeks after I told her, she never asked me how I was, or even spoke to me, I feel so awkward going up to her and explaining I had a miscarriage..but then again I think its even weirder for me to not to address it and she realises a few months later that I still don't have a belly.. Does anyone have any advice? I don't want to bother her if she isn't interested or doesn't care to associate with me.. And its going to really upset me if she just ignores me after finding out this (as I have read often happens after miscarriage as people dont know what to say) or am I completely overreacting with my crazy hormones and being oversensitive/overthinking it and should just let it run it's course - if the opportunity arises I can bring it up with her? Any advice would be great.. I love this instructor's classes so much and don't want to stop going to them...thank you!

Firstly, I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. Secondly, I can see why this is a tricky one for you. I wonder whether you could leave a note addressed to her at the gym reception, just briefly explaining, before you go back to the class? I'm sure she would understand why you had left a note rather than telling her in person. Don't stop going to the classes if you love them! Best of luck.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage :(

As for the gym thing, just remember that if you tell her she may still avoid you/ not bring it up due to not knowing what to say, or thinking that you maybe don't want reminded of what has happened. If you go for @BadBadBean's option of writing a note, this will most likely be the case, but in some ways I do think this is the best plan of action (Other than maybe not saying anything), and in the long term you might be glad of it, as having her acting all sorry for you each time she sees you might mean that every time you go to the gym, you are constantly reminded of what has happened.

Hope you have a good support network around to help you get through this loss.

Thank you so much both for your replies, I really appreciate it. I agree that its probably best to tell her and would be weird on my part to not mention anything, especially if I want to continue going to class - its probably just best to tell her and whatever reaction she has, so be it but after a while I would have moved on. I like the idea of leaving a note but also nervous if she just continued to ignore me I'd wonder if she actually recieved it.. When I'm feeling brave I might try to have a quiet word with her after class...as I would have been still quite early in the pregnancy it isn't uncommon for women not to show yet so I probably have a few weeks to do it. The hardest part has been her reaction, after a few months of saying hi, I would have thought she would have been more friendly after I confided in her..and I would have thought as a fitness professional it wouldn't have hurt to check in every couple of weeks! But each to their own and, maybe a personal issue or maybe I have unintentionally offended her in some way.. Anyway thanks for taking the time to help!