Missed miscarriage, first pregnancy and frightened.

[Maps17]

Hi there,
This is my first time ever posting here or anywhere really. DH and I conceived pretty quickly and we were so excited to become parents - we told our families and quite a few of our friends. A few nights ago I noticed a reduction in pg symptoms and then I started having brown discharge/brown blood. Yesterday at an early scan they said that baby had no heartbeat and was measuring 5.5weeks. S/he should have been 11 weeks. Now we’re in this limbo of having to wait for the scan next week to confirm and I’m terrified of what’s to come. The most torturous thing is that we did have sex 5.5 weeks ago but I’d had two positive pg tests 2 weeks prior to that and my last period was end of Jan. I just feel lost and so sad. To add insult to injury I still feel occasionally nauseous with headaches and sore nipples. I have so many friends who are pregnant or have had newborns and I’m not sure when I’m going to feel able to leave the house again. Yesterday every pregnant woman made me cry. Even though we conceived quickly, I’ve longed for a baby for as long as I can remember and now I’m afraid it won’t happen for us. Seeing my DH upset is heartbreaking. I don’t really know why I’m posting this - I suppose I want to know how bad it’s going to be physically on my body. I have a phobia of blood which I was hoping to get treated before the birth but I’m guessing I’m going to have to deal with a lot of it now? and probably on my own as I don’t know how long it will take. Feeling pretty horrible and sad - also a bit guilty for posting as experiences like these terrified me, before I realised that we would be the statistic that everyone hopes they’re not. Good luck to all the pregnant ladies reading this and take care of yourself. X

So sorry to hear this. I’m coming out the other side of a very similar story. It will be ok. You will be ok. You will conceive again. (Reassuring myself just as much!). I think you’ll surprise yourself how well you’ll cope and maybe it’ll even help with the phobia?! Though you might want to push for an ERPC as that will probably help with the volume of blood to deal with. Good luck xx

Hi Melamine. I’m sorry that you’ve gone through it but I’m glad that you seem to be doing better now. You might be right about the phobia. I hope it works out for us both. I’ve so many friends but now who have gone through this - that I know of anyway. You’ve made me feel less lonely. Thank you. x

Hi Maps17

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're going through this nightmare.

At your next scan they will confirm if you've had a missed miscarriage and will probably give you three options if this is the case. You can choose to let nature take its course and wait for the miscarriage to happen on its own, or you can have medical management where they give you pessaries or a tablet to bring on the miscarriage quicker, or you can have surgical management (or ERPC).

The nurses on your EPU should be able to talk to you about each of the options and help you come to a decision if you need some help thinking things through.

If you have a phobia of blood the surgical management is probably the best option for you.

May I ask what your strategy for coping with period blood is normally? Most women only get period-type bleeding after the surgery which is why I think it might be better for you than the other two options in which you would bleed a lot more, but you can still bleed after the surgery and it's normal to pass clots, so be prepared for that in case.

Be kind to yourself.

You poor thing. I'm so sorry for your loss also. I can empathise as I've been through similar recently. I understand the feelings of not wanting to be around pregnant women, seeing babies everywhere and feeling sad, all your friends being pregnant and you feeling like a bad friend for feeling envious. I totally get it. I feel like a different person these days.

Wishing you the best of luck with what is to follow. You should hopefully be in good hands. If you need to grieve then grieve for as long as you need to. You will get your rainbow x

Hi Knit kitty, thank you for messaging me. My mum gave me similar advice today about letting it happen naturally. I can just about manage period blood by not looking at it but I can’t manage clots without getting very panicked and upset. It makes me hope that it happens naturally as medicine will make it worse, from what I’ve read. Xx

Hi Sunshineworshipper, I’m sorry that you’ve gone through this but it’s really reassuring to hear that you’re doing well. You made me cry a bit (but in a good way!) with the rainbow comment. I really hope so and I hope the same for you. Xx