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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Dreading oing back to work

21 replies

Sice · 23/03/2018 17:46

Had premature labour lost twins at 23 weeks.at work it was quiet hectic gossip and all took seven weeks off but now I really don't want to go back to work

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bluebird3 · 24/03/2018 23:02

I'm so sorry for your loss. Are you worried about lots of questions? Could you have a word with your manager and make sure he/she lets everyone know you would rather people not mention it? Maybe that would be worse...I don't know. Any chance you could go for a new job? Might be nice to have a fresh start. I considered that after failed ivf treatment/mc as everyone at work knows about it. I'm still there and found that after the first day or two it becomes old news and everyone goes back to being concerned about themselves. ThanksThanks

OrangeHorses · 24/03/2018 23:15

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

Twistofanxiety · 24/03/2018 23:17

So sorry for your loss Flowers
I remember my MC and going back to work feeling like I was being judged but of course that's not true.
Your situation sounds especially traumatic so it might be easier to go back part time to begin with and gradually ease yourself back in. Would your GP/workplace go for that do you think?

Schlimbesserung · 24/03/2018 23:23

I remember the feeling of wanting to avoid places and people that I knew because everybody would know and be thinking about it even if they don't say anything. I agree it would be a good idea to speak to management and ask them to make it known that you don't want to talk about it. People can say some awful things when they are trying to be kind and work isn't a great place to have to deal with that.

Snowjoker · 24/03/2018 23:26

Seven weeks is nothing for such a late loss. Can't you be signed off for longer, or does that not sound like what you want?
Flowers

Isittimeforbed · 24/03/2018 23:32

Do you feel able to go back to work or would you rather have more time off? If either of your twins were born alive then you have the right to full maternity leave, even though they were born before 24 weeks so that may be an option if you'd rather be off for longer. I'm so sorry this has happened to you x

Original poster
Sice · 25/03/2018 06:35

Seems I can't get any more time off coz I will not be paid

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Original poster
Sice · 25/03/2018 06:44

By the way I teach so it's not only staff and the learners at well at high school. It was a long awaited pregnancy and my second miscarriage. First lost another set of twins last year blighted ovum in June 2017.had a d and c then went back to work after 5 days then got pregnant in September 2017 was already showing and all now I am telling my Dh that want to quit work after the loss but would still have to serve three months notice if I am to get my benefits. The grief was too much and I feel tired and drained about having to go in tommorow 26 march

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Isittimeforbed · 25/03/2018 08:37

Why wouldn't you get paid? If neither of your twins lived after they were born then what's the sick pay arrangements at your work?

I'm not sure if it's just that you're understandably anxious about a first day back and not looking forward to it or if you feel you're just not ready. If you think you're really not ready then it's not a good idea to be going back into that environment yet. Is your boss supportive?

Original poster
Sice · 25/03/2018 09:06

My bosses were really not supportive it was a hard pregnancy and had confided in them but they were such bullies not really listening to me

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Original poster
Sice · 25/03/2018 09:10

Maybe changing to a new school would be better my dh had supportive workmates than I did with me it was all about gossip and I wasn't in the right space to talk about it all since gat into premature labour had to have a c section

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Ylvamoon · 25/03/2018 09:17

I'm sorry for your loss.
I think you have answered your own questions: changing to a new school would be better ...

Can you live with the financial loss or try and go back p/t with doctors note?

preggersteach · 25/03/2018 09:20

There is some info in the burgundy book about this so may be worth checking it out. If you don't feel ready get your doctor to sign you off. I'm very sorry for your loss x

Isittimeforbed · 25/03/2018 09:23

Sorry to ask again, but if either of your babies lived at all then you are entitled to full maternity leave with the pay and rights that go with it. People don't always realise that as often sick pay is preferred, but it may be a better option in your situation. If you had a caesarean it sounds like they might have been alive? Did you need to register their births?

Miami81 · 25/03/2018 10:53

I am so sorry. I lost my baby at 27 weeks in September. Were your twins boys or girls? Did you get to spend time with them?
In my experience of going back to work, I know that everyone was talking about me, but nobody (or very few) actually spoke to me as they just don't have the guts. It's very uncomfortable but I have decided that for me it's just about getting through the days and if everyone is a bit of a twat I don't really mind.
Having said that it does sound like you could maybe be in a situation where you could do with changing to a more supportive environment.
I am so very sorry that you are going through this. Do you have a union? Could they offer some support in your return?

Snowjoker · 25/03/2018 12:30

I teach in Scotland not England but here we would be entitled to 6 months off on full pay if a doctor said we needed to be off (that's not to do with miscarriage just any sickness). Is it that you are on a temporary contract? 7 week's can't be the maximum sick pay for a public sector worker, surely! Here is the loss was at 24 week's you would be entitled to full maternity leave, which is no help at all Sad unless there's any way your dates are close enough for a doctor to say it was 24.

Original poster
Sice · 25/03/2018 17:30

No doctor had already filled for 23 weeks. I never got to see the twins they were boys. As you have said thank you for your support its been touching to get such comments I will go back for a few hours and ask the doc to write some more days again

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Original poster
Sice · 25/03/2018 17:36

I teach in Africa so you don't get maternity leave without a baby Sadpretty hectic hey never got to see the boys they were taken to ICU and one passed away 4 hrs later the other 10 hours was sedated in pain so dh and sister organised burial was wrung about everything since all had happened quickly from doc to intense labour to Caesarean to loss grief and depression were hard hitting after everything was said and done

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claret3189 · 25/03/2018 19:38

I'm sorry to hear of your loss I am going through a miscarriage today and although my story doesn't compare I understand your feelings of going back to work xx

Original poster
Sice · 25/03/2018 20:15

Sorry about that it's a painful experience

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Original poster
Sice · 25/03/2018 20:15

How far long were u if you don't mind me asking

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