Stillborn

[devuskums]

Hi, is there anybody on here who has gone through a stillbirth? My son was still born at 23 weeks in November and I am finding life very hard.

Didn't want to read and run. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I have no words of advice but hopefully this will bump it for someone who does.

Same as pp, I don't have any personal experience of stillbirth but have worked in maternity services. I'm so sorry for your los, I think it is very normal to still feel very sad, it really isn't long since it happened.
Have you used Sands for supper? They have a helpline and might have a local group near you. Also some hospitals have bereavement midwives who can offer support.

support not supper. Bloody autocorrect fail

My daughter was stillborn on her due date, she would have been coming up to 9 now. You are fully justified to be finding it hard. I thought it was like waves of grief, the waves get further apart in time but it does take time. Be gentle with yourself.

So sorry for your loss. My daughter died neonatally and I am still struggling.

Do you have a bereavement midwife counsellor that you can talk to or else I also recommend SANDS.

It’s just a horrible, horrible time.

It's incredibly difficult- that's an obvious understatement. I am terribly sorry for your loss and your struggles.
I highly recommend joining the SANDS online community. You need to find a safe space among a tribe of fellow travellers.

One of my best friends lost one of her twins a few years ago. I met her a few months afterwards and it was very raw. Her surviving twin is 8 now, we've been close all that time so I've in a small way been alongside her in her journey. Over time she has found it much easier to talk about the baby who died, calls her by her name, remembers her in lots of ways. The other twin and younger sibling are very much aware that she is part of the family.
SANDS as mentioned above have been a great support for her. In time you will find a way through this, and find ways for you and your family to remember your child too.

@devuskums
I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. My beautiful baby girl was stillborn at 27 weeks in September. We are coming up on six months and I feel sick all the time thinking about it. I just want my baby, I physically ache sometimes just thinking about her. SANDS online forum is helpful, people who get it and understand that this is a grief like no other. I sometimes find the grief terrifying but hearing from others who are 5,6 or 20 years into this hell and who are surviving and living and remembering does really help me. I have slowly started to build up a support network locally by attending groups and talking about what has happened.
Have you had any answers yet as to what/why? Our PM found clots in the placenta but it's not clear what caused them. Please DM me if you want. Happy to be here to listen and hold your hand.

I lost my little boy in August to stillbirth. I was 4 days away from my due date. I wish I could be of more help to you but to be honest im exactly the same! some days are bearable and other days Im a mess! so I can be of no other help other than to say your not the only one! Im on a group on facebooks full of mums who have been through the same, some have experienced this years ago. It gives me some hope that if they can keep going so can I. xxx

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my baby girl 7 days ago. I just wish i wasnt here anynore and just want to be with her.

@Namechangefailagain @dandelion102017
I am so so sorry for both your losses. It is devastating, I hope you have support in real life. We are 6 months into this awful journey and whilst the grief will never go it changes. I can't even really remember the first 3 months after our daughter died. It was just survival, but I think we are starting to manage to live in our new normal now.
Share their names here if you want, tell your stories of what happened. DM me or anything at all any time. You are not alone, this is the shittest of shit things. Please take care.

Thank you Miami81

I feel so guilty at the moment, I feel guilty as I saw her for the last time yesterday and feel guilty I can't face seeing her again. I feel guilty that I failed my precious daughter by not keeping her safe.

My waters started to leak good Friday and continued until the Monday. I rang triage daily and was told it was nothing to worry about. I wish I'd just ignored the advice and gone in as then my daughter may still be here. This thought is destroying me.

They finally agreed for me to go in Monday evening and said it was my waters leaking. They were going to scan me but said there machine was not very good so we're going to wait til morning for a proper machine. They said if enough waters they could give me a stitch and try and prolong things. They left me 15 hours waiting for the scan and in that time my waters popped (7 hours after they first said about a scan) . Why didn't I push harder for the scan sooner?

I hate myself right now and feel it's all my fault

In was 20+2, I didn't even know it was possible for waters to go so soon. But feel I must have done something that caused it.

namechange please believe me when I say it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. It was a tragic occurrence which you had no control over. Please don’t blame yourself for a minute longer.
Sending lots of love and hugs to you and all the other ladies on the thread coping with such devastating losses xx

@Namechangefailagain
It is absolutely not your fault. It's so hard, I still believe if I had made more of a fuss then she might be here with us now, but i have come to realise that there is nothing to be gained from that thinking other then pain. It's the worst kind of mom guilt. My husband makes me try and imagine if it was one of our friends and she was blaming herself the things that I would say to her, it kind of helps to drag yourself out of it a little bit.