Erratic Emotions after Miscarriage

[babybear23]

Hello there,

I'm just hoping others might be able to share so I feel a little more normal whilst going through this.

I'm currently at the tail end of a missed miscarriage. Had a scan about three weeks ago where I should have been at 9 weeks. There was no heartbeat (we had seen a heartbeat at 6.5 weeks) and the baby measured 7.5 weeks. Naturally my fiancé and I were both crushed immediately after the scan and for about 48 hours I was a pile of tears.

The week following was spent trying to get the referral through for a D&C as I felt a little confronted by waiting for it to happen naturally. Over that week I felt surprisingly okay at at peace with what was going on - I was functioning okay, working and feeling positive about the year ahead.

Finally had a appointment confirmed for the D&C on a following Wednesday, however by the Sunday night I had started bleeding & cramping intensely and passed most of the tissue over this time. Bleeding continued for a few days, but when on Tuesday night the pain became debilitating and the bleeding severe, I was admitted to hospital. They did a scan and found there was a small bit of tissue remaining and I was given Misoprostal to speed the process up.

Even though the hospital visit was pretty grim (nil by mouth for 18 hours while they weighed up doing surgery etc, IV painkillers and dehydration) I felt somewhat okay and just wanted to get home and start healing. That was five days ago and I still have a little bleeding, but mostly coming right physically.

Emotionally however, I feel totally wrecked. It's not even a conscious feeling, I just go from feeling functional and okay to out of nowhere totally sobbing my eyes out and feeling like I can't get it together at all. I'm a really together, emotionally stoic person - so this is very out of character for me and is making me feel exceptionally vulnerable and all over the show. I just want to feel like myself again and find some reasoning in all of this.

To compound things, I am getting married in three weeks - a very big wedding, a remote location and many guests... We've been planning it for 18 months. To begin with I thought this was a great and positive distraction to have after our miscarriage, but now I feel overwhelmed by it and all that needs to be done. I feel like I can't make decisions and a lot of stuff is falling on to my fiancé, which stresses me out further.

Have other women here felt these erratic up and down emotions after their miscarriage and if so, how long did it take for them to plateau? Did anyone find anything specifically helped during this time?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

BB

It's completely normal for your hormones to be all over the place and affect your emotions in this way.
Even though your conscious part of your brain may be in quite stable terms with what's going on, your emotions are a different part of you.
The key is to observe them and allow them.
Know they will pass. Allow them to come in all there raging torrents and let them pass. Any other things like jobs and tasks etc can wait, if that's what you need.
Your body and hormones need to heal and settle. Don't think too far ahead, like not even a week ahead, focus on your current moments and current day. Breathe. Cry. Eat and nourish yourself.

You will find your emotions will, eventually, clear, and you will be able to move forward with your life etc with your mind clear and normal. Know that day will come but don't worry about when, a deadline, out it out of your mind and give yourself the care and nourishment you need right now for your body's healing.

Bless you xx

Thank you for your reply Lilymossflower.

I agree with you totally. I find it's one of those sort of 'vicious cycles' where because I am usually a pretty busy and active person, when I take a day, or a weekend, to just do nothing and try to allow all the emotions to flow through, I tend to feel a little more stressed by the end of it as I know there's stuff that needs attention - if that makes sense. I guess it's about finding an equilibrium of giving myself a break and keeping a little distracted at times too.

I suppose if I didn't have our wedding looming in a few weeks, I might be able to take more time to just BE... but I can't ignore the wedding or the organisation of it, and I really want to find a way to get back to being excited about the future so that I'm present and involved in the wedding emotionally - rather than just trying to survive the weekend!

I guess I was curious as to when other people started to feel their hormones balance out a little and the crazy ups and downs start to plateau?

Thanks,
BB

I'm sorry to hear your news @babybear23.

It took me about 4-5 weeks to level out. Still have bad days / moment but nowhere near as often or as strong. Others may take longer / less as everyone is different. I know it's hard when planning a wedding to be able to let go a bit but try to remember that the only thing that really matters is that you and your husband actually get married. Everything else is a bonus. Trust your fiancée when something falls to him and remember it is ok to have bad days whilst you let yourself heal. I hope you have a lovely wedding and you find your peace soon. xx

@HidCat - That's so very true, the important thing being that we get married and everything else being a bonus. That's a really good way to look at it, thank you!