Didn’t think I could get pregnant and I did - just had a missed miscarriage

[Laurajane80]

We are so incredibly lucky that our first round of IVF worked and we have a beautiful DD. We have 2 frozen embryos which we were going to use but before we got a chance we found out I was pregnant naturally. This was the most amazing news in the world but at our first scan there was no heartbeat. This was just over a week ago and on Monday I had Surgical management to remove the baby. Think this is the worst time i have been through, I just feel so sad but also really panicky. In my head this was just so perfect in terms of the timing and being natural. I’m 37 so feel like I don’t have a lot of time left. Maybe I was being a bit under cautious because it happened naturally and I was so lucky with IVF I didn’t even think to be nervous. With IVF I did everything by the book. Took all my supplements, ate healthy food, even ate pineapple core as I read this helped. This time round I didn’t do anything and look what happened.

I’ve been told that I have to wait 3 months to try for our frozen embryo and this just seems a lifetime away. I would try again naturally but my husband wants to go down the IVF route as he feel that as this worked with our DD that it is more likely to work out again. That maybe it didn’t work because it was natural and we were never meant to get pregnant naturally.

I just feel like I’m in such a rush to get pregnant again and I feel so anxious about it. I know that the timing isn’t what’s important and that it’s about having a healthy baby but I just can’t shake this feeling of needing to get pregnant again ASAP. Has anyone had a similar experience? Do you think the IVF route would give us more chance of a baby than IVF? Is anyone else feeling like this?

Hi Laura,
I’m so sorry to read this, you must be completely devastated. I don’t really have any advice in terms of the right route to take but I can tell you that a miscarriage is not anything you’ve done wrong and I very much understand that waiting feels like a lifetime.
Take care of yourself, it’s really hard, but time does help

@Laurajane80 I'm so sorry for your loss. Would your hubby be ok with trying / not preventing between now and your IVF date?

Hi both, thanks for your kind messages. I'm guessing the fact that you're on this chat room means that you've been going through something similar so I hope you are both doing ok?

It's just a horrible, horrible time isn't it. Think he just associates IVF with success now but I think we were just so incredibly lucky with our little girl. This has made me realise how lucky.

I've just spent a fortune on every supplement possible to get up prepared. xx

I haven't been through IVF though my best friend has (successful - she's 26wks). I found out I had a MC at 12wks after some light spotting at 11wks. Unfortunately I think it's made my friend more nervous for her pregnancy but I'm trying not to put too much on her.

How are you feeling today @Laurajane80?

Hi @HidCat I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope time is making things a bit better for you. IVF is such a nervous time anyway that I'm sure your friend has felt a bit unsure the whole way through. What this experience has shown me is how common it is. I really never realised so many women had been through a miscarriage as it seems to be one of those things people don't talk about until you've experience it yourself. Similar with IVF actually. It's always one of those things that happen to someone else and not you.

I just seem to find I'm really panicking about needing to get pregnant again as soon as possible, I'm literally obsessing over it.

I'm the same @Laurajane80. Obsessing over getting a negative pregnancy test so I can move on to trying again. Had a negative last night but then a positive with fmu so think my urine was diluted. I've never been a POAS addict but I'm constantly testing atm!

@HidCat how long have you been waiting for a -ve result. I've read on some sites people are getting -ve tests after 2 weeks and others are still waiting over 6 weeks or more.

That's why going down the IVF route is panicking me so much as I've got to get a -ve result and then have 3 periods...it seems like a long round. And then of course...you need to wait for a positive test...oh and then worry like hell when you eventually do. 😏

You didn't miscarry because you did anything wrong OP. Miscarriages happen in around 1/5 pregnancies and are just nature's way of not continuing when things are perfect. Please don't blame yourself. You are not at fault.

Wanting to try again immediately is completely natural when you've had a miscarriage. I think most women feel exactly like this. Similarly, your DH's reticence and nervousness is entirely normal, but no, an IVF attempt is not more likely to work than a natural one. It's still your eggs and his sperm, and actually I would less intervention is generally better (if only for your health - you don't have to take drugs, go through the stress of artificial insemination, etc).

If it were me I'd just keep having unprotected sex whenever you want to. If you get pregnant again naturally - great! Actually, AFAIK you've got a better chance of getting pregnant naturally and quickly after having an ERPC (that's what I was told after having one anyway). Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

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