When to go back to work?

[YassQueen]

I've just had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. I didn't really know how I felt about being pregnant so there was stress from the start, and I had cramps/spotting as soon as I found out so I had a day off sick at 4 weeks, then I was on annual leave. At the end of the annual leave the miscarriage started, this was 8 days ago so I called in sick. On Wednesday I saw the GP who has signed me off for 2 weeks.

I feel a bit of a fraud for taking this time off but I feel like it's really hitting me now, I'm trying to just do things as normal but I'm bursting into tears randomly, some days I feel ok until the evening and some I feel so depressed I can barely move let alone brush my hair and get dressed. I'm anxious too and a lot of this is work guilt, I feel really bad for being off but I work in a very high stress environment and may come into contact with women who are pregnant/having a miscarriage and I'm scared if I go back too soon it'll set me off.

My absence record isn't great, mostly due to a shitty year - lost my voice twice and I can't do my job without my voice so I've taken a couple of days off for that, once for a cyst and once for stress caused by a shitty situation out of anyone's control, police had to be involved etc - that's over the last 12 months so on paper it looks terrible, in reality it's a run of really bad luck. I hate being away from work but I know it's not the right place for me right now.

Should I be pushing myself to go back quickly or should I use the 2 weeks to recover and then re-assess the situation? I feel like everyone at work will be judging me for being off.

I’m sorry to hear about what you’re currently going through OP and your last year. I was in a v similar situation couple years ago with my first pregnancy that ended in mmc at 12 weeks - I had four weeks off work, I couldn’t get through a day without breaking down ( my job also would involve talking to people that are pregnant or on maternity leave ) and I knew I mentally wouldn’t be able to hold it together. Whether you had mixed feelings or not about the pregnancy that doesn’t change the fact that your mind went straight to ‘I’m going to be a mum - this is my future now’ and to have it taken away from you leaves you in shock. You are not only grieving for your baby but for all the things you thought would happen to you that right now seem so so far away. Take the two weeks and tell work how you’re really feeling, don’t sugar coat it. What I will say is that I thought the same as you ‘people will be judging me and wondering why I’ve been away so long’ but in actual fact going back to work was my saving grace eventually, we have to return to normality and life, because it carries on without us and once you’ve done the crying and the anger and confusion you will feel like going back and you won’t care what they think, you’ll know you’re in a better head space to cope. Once again I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself, go onto every forum there is for losses if you want to sound off about it and Ben kind to yourself - you have done nothing wrong and you need time to heal.

I've just been signed off for 2 weeks already had a week self cert, my boss knows what's happened and has encouraged me to make sure I'm feeling up to coming back when my sick note runs out as I work in a stressful job and I'm quite hot headed so he doesn't want me back before I'm ready. Work should be fully supporting you, mine have also offered to pass me for counseling if I feel I need it.

Time off for miscarriage is pregnancy related so is not counted as normal sickness and can’t used as part of redundancy procedures.

Not sure if this is helpful or not. Sorry if not. I have miscarried twice. Didn’t take any time off the first time (happened at the weekend) and two days the second time.

But I didn’t struggle anything like how you are. Work helped me to feel normal. My experience is not yours. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you are too ill (whether that is physical or mental health) then don’t work.