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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Early Miscarriage.

25 replies

Athers666 · 15/02/2018 20:42

Hi. I'm 36 and DH and I had been trying for just over a year. Had lots of sypmtoms and just knew I was pregnant. Did 3 tests and all were BFPs. We were delighted and overjoyed after the heartache of trying for quite a long time. Anyway, one day, the sickness, strong sense of smell etc just vanished. I knew straight away that something wasn't right. Sure enough, I had a very early miscarriage at just gone five weeks. I don't have anyone to talk to irl as we hadn't told anyone! I feel totally bereft even though it was early days. I am traumatised by my symptoms just disappearing and just 'knowing' that that was it. I can't stop crying and I've had to take time off work. I'll be 37 this year and I know we might never get our happy ending, yet I can't grieve openly as I don't think people would really understand as it wasn't a 'real' baby yet...but it was to me. I'd love to be hear from others who have experienced similar. I'm not sure how to move on.

OP posts:

Coffee3 · 15/02/2018 21:37

Hi OP,
I’m so sorry to read this; I don’t really have any good advice other than to be kind to yourself; you do need to grieve because you have suffered a loss and as cliched as it sounds, time really does help. And if you can bear it a doctor told me once that you are most fertile following a miscarriage (as cruel as that seems)
Take care xx

Snowydaysarehere · 15/02/2018 21:41

Chemical pregnancies (before 6 weeks and when nothing would really show on a scan)are so so common, imo /e need to be moved on from ASAP to keep your mh to keep ttc. It's a tough business and you can't fall in the early days. Sorry you feel shitty but you need it take it on the chin and move on.

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 15/02/2018 21:44

I'm so sorry

I miscarried at 7 weeks went on to find I was having my dd 3 months later, wanted so very much but was still grieving. She's 18 yo now.

Original poster

Athers666 · 15/02/2018 22:10

Thank you for the replies. We will try again and I guess it's true that time is a healer. Snowydays I do get what you're saying about dusting off and moving on, I know you're right deep down. It's just a shock how much this has floored me.

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Billi77 · 15/02/2018 22:18

I miscarried at 8 and was pregnant with DD 3 months later. I was 38. It's a horrible part of the process and you need to be sad now and grieve this loss. It will get easier and you can get pregnant again as soon as you're ready

Original poster

Athers666 · 15/02/2018 22:30

I'm glad that there is still hope maybe. Just need to get my head right and then we will try again. I do find it comforting to post on here where others have been through similar. X

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BunBunMum · 16/02/2018 05:21

I really know how you feel. It’s as much the hope and plans etc you’ve lost. It took us 20 months to conceive the first time and I miscarried at 6 weeks. 3 months later I was pregnant with my son who is now 2. Recently I miscarried at 8+4 after ttc for a year. It really hurts but don’t give up hope x

Kocerhan3 · 16/02/2018 11:42

I completely relate to this right now, after believing I was about 8 weeks, I had an early scan which showed us at less than 6 which could mean it stopped developing then... devastated and having blood tests to deny or confirm today but looks likely.... lots of people on here saying they conceived quickly after wards though - same story for my mum who lost one at 11 weeks and caught with me only 3 months after. I'm trying to stay hopeful about everything - this one and a possible next, and can only hold your hand in spirit as we go through this xx I completely feel the same when people say "it's not yet a baby" but it's our first BFP after nearly 2 years of trying and it was such a relief and a connection to it already, it is a loss you need to give yourself time for... I've had to take time off work too - here to talk xx

Original poster

Athers666 · 16/02/2018 11:58

Oh that is so true about the instant connection when you get that much longed for BFP. I had no idea it was ok to start ttc straight away, but have now read quite a few success stories which is very comforting. Although I am aware that it won't necessarily go that way for us of course. It's just such an emotional roller coaster. I feel more ready now to begin the healing process and begin to get back to reality, I have confided in a close friend who has been great and just feel a little less hopeless today I think. So sorry to those who have suffered losses. Thank you for your replies, it's helping me so much.

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Original poster

Athers666 · 16/02/2018 12:01

Kocerhan, I hope you get some good news. All the best to you. What a horrible thing to be right in the middle of. Sending love x

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Kocerhan3 · 16/02/2018 12:05

@Athers666 thank you, and to you too. Reading through this feed has made me breathe a sigh of relief and offered some re assurance. I never thought I'd go through this, but it's nice to see I'm not alone x another question that's confusing me - I'm still having fatigue and sore boobs even though there's a possibility I could've miscarried... anyone else experience this (having symptoms past mc date?) is it normal? Or is it solace?

HidCat · 16/02/2018 22:23

@Athers666 don't give up hope. Also, I planned not to talk openly about it but did tell a few people and was shocked at how many people I knew irl who have been through it too. It may help to talk about it in time. xxx

Original poster

Athers666 · 18/02/2018 18:05

Kocerhan I hope you get good news. Still thinking of you x

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PinkAvocado · 18/02/2018 18:11

I have miscarried in the first trimester. When ttc, you don’t look at that bfp and think, ‘oh the cells are dividing’, you start imagining and bonding with a longed for baby. Absolutely allow yourself to be upset. Not everyone can move on quickly emotionally-I know I couldn’t.

Isadora2007 · 18/02/2018 18:18

snowydaysarehere
How insensitive can you get? OP (and all other people who have experienced losses at any stage) have every right to feel upset and grieve for their loss. It’s the loss of not only that pregnancy but the child that you do imagine from that moment you see that second line. Each pregnancy is special regardless of how it turns out.

Snowydaysarehere · 18/02/2018 18:38

I didn't suggest they didn't but for your mh you need to move on. I have had losses too and looking forward is healthier that's all. Obviously no lack of empathy intended to anyone.

Original poster

Athers666 · 18/02/2018 19:14

Agreed PinkAvacado. It's just an instant bond when you've been longing for a baby for what seems like an eternity. We're trying so hard to move on, but both DH and I have really been knocked for six. We had no idea that we would struggle so much, but, we just are x

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PinkAvocado · 18/02/2018 20:13

I think it’s important to not force yourself to move on until ready to.

Kocerhan3 · 18/02/2018 20:16

Thanks @Athers666, blood tests back tomorrow so can hopefully get some answers.

@Snowydaysarehere I understand what you're saying. But the journey to get to that point is more important - if people simply "get over it" it could mean burying a painful situation that will come back in a worse way. If people (mothers and fathers) need to grieve or even just come to terms with everything in however much time, they must. Their mh will only benefit if allowed to do so properly.

SingaVera · 19/02/2018 16:21

Hi, we had an early scan on Sat which showed the embryo being 2 weeks behind schedule with no heart beat. The EPU was pretty certain it's a missed miscarriage and I am waiting for another scan in a week to confirm the inevitable.
It was our first pregnancy and we were so happy that it finally worked and now devastated that it all ended like this. I'm trying to stay positive and remind myself it's better now than a few more months down the road...

I am over 40 and very worried about that playing a big role.

all the best to you xx

Original poster

Athers666 · 19/02/2018 18:18

SingaVera I'm just so sorry. How cruel life can be. So sorry you have to wait another week for your scan in a horrible sort of limbo mode. Am here if it helps you to talk about it on here. Take care x

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Kocerhan3 · 20/02/2018 11:42

Just confirmed I've lost our pregnancy at 5ish weeks. I feel numb.... I've cried myself dry the past week and because it looked probable I'm in a state of "well, yeah, that's what we expected" and I can't cry or think about it any more. I just want the bleeding to stop so we can try again...

Original poster

Athers666 · 20/02/2018 12:37

Kocerhan3 Oh I'm so sorry. There are no words really. We hope to try again too, but I'm so scared that the same thing will happen again. I've gone back to work now and it is helping me to heal just by getting back to my normal routine and keeping busy. I do still feel a horrible bleakness though underneath it all. We just want a baby so so much and we never really expected it to be so difficult for us. Be kind to yourself and I wish you all the best for trying again. X

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Kocerhan3 · 20/02/2018 13:49

@Athers666 agreed - I feel like I'm not going to be able to be as excited when it happens again, I'll just be dreading every day until 12 weeks and the thought of it stresses me out already!! What am I meant to tell myself to get past this??

Original poster

Athers666 · 20/02/2018 13:53

That is exactly how I feel. I'm scared that the same thing will happen again.

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