My first pregnancy I was 18 my fiance and I we're super excited it was all I ever wanted, my son was super active strong heart and a stronger kick at 8 months I started getting Braxton Hicks a lot my blood pressure was increasing and I was consistently dehydrated from getting sick A LOT @39-40 weeks I started to feel like something was up and I constantly told my Dr I should be induced but I wasn't and at 41 weeks I went to the hospital in labor and my son had passed away it was an umbilical cord accident. I felt guilty about my stress and anxiety that I had when I was pregnant but I was able to overcome. I went on to have 2 miscarriages afterwards and then I had a healthy baby girl we went on birth control waited our time and decided to have a second. I was high risk for a few reasons, multiple pregnancy losses, history of high blood pressure in pregnancy, fetal weight constriction with my daughter, and so I got a high risk ultrasound and a 3D ultrasound and I was having a perfectly healthy baby girl even my blood pressure was in perfect shape, I missed a few drs appts due to moving and having to switch insurance and find a new ob/gyn and getting my records switch etc I did catch a cough but I was given allergy meds for it, I did smoke, and we we're in a tough financial situation but otherwise I tried my best to take care of things. But at 31 weeks my second daughter was still born. The cause of death was placenta abruption caused by preeclampsia, it was unreal. In a sort of way I never thought lightning would strike the same family twice. It's been 9 months, the holidays past and I felt my loss as it came and went but I still feel like reality hit everything but my emotions I have such guilt and anxiety that I can't overcome partially in avoidance but more in the fact that I survived and she didn't. I feel guilty about everything-smoking, missing appts, even all the little stresses in my life. I feel guilty that I wasn't focused on the pregnancy even though I understand I had a busy body toddler, and other responsibilities, the fact that I had a cough even though I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with allergies and took my meds, smoking cigarettes is bad and selfish when pregnant and probably was not the cause of death but I still can't overcome, my anxiety is getting worse and I just don't know how.