First pregnancy missed miscarriage , unsure what route to take

[Willow146]

Hey, after many days of watching other people bravely post their stories I need to reach out and ask for any advice from anyone that’s been in a similar situation...

I found out on 6th January that I was pregnant, first baby and first cycle ttc. Gradually as the weeks have gone on my pregnancy side effects started to dwindle , I couldn’t get in at the midwife any early so me and my husband paid privately for an early scan. I was expecting to be exactly 8 weeks, instead the Fetus was measuring at less than 6 weeks And it’s near certain it’s a non viable pregnancy.

I hadn’t had any symptoms, but since yesturday I have had cramping pain, and last night I woke up in excruciating pain, so much so it made me sick, today I have abdominal pain again but I haven’t had any spotting or bleeding. The early pregnancy unit have me booked in for Friday and saynthey can help intervene with the miscarriage on Friday. I am not sure what to do, I have been reading lots online (although some American) that it’s better to wait for your body to miscarry naturally, but waiting to bleed is so hard!! I just want it to be over, but I also want to do the best thing for my body so I have the best chance of getting pregnant again. I read that if you take the pill (the route I was going towards) you have to wait 3 months before ttc again because of the ingredients of the pills, has anyone else heard this? Like many women experiencing this i feel totally in limbo, at least with the pill I am in some kind of control again... but maybe if I have abdominal pain it won’t be long until it starts? Does anyone have any advise?
Also you are all so brave! I’d love any positive stories you can share of pregnancy after miscarriage. I feel a bit down in the dumps.

Thanks girls xx

If you are getting cramping and severe abdominal pain I suspect it probably won't be long before you miscarry naturally. That's what happened with me anyway. If it gets unbearable try contacting the EPU again or your GP to see if they can offer you some decent pain relief.

I can't answer your other questions around the pill etc but please be reassured that it is so so so common to miscarry, particularly with your first (no one really knows why) and go on to have successful pregnancies.

Hi Willow - so sorry to hear you are going through this.

I had a missed miscarriage about 15 months ago- I noticed a tiny bit of spotting at 10 weeks, went for a scan and things had stopped about 8 weeks. I had no other signs of miscarriage, and as I am someone who likes to be in control of things, I went for surgical management. I was told this wouldn’t affect future pregnancies, and I have a good friend who took this route twice, but has since had two lovely healthy DCs.

I’ve only just felt ready to start TTC again for various reasons, not really to do with the miscarriage, but I feel sure I could have tried again much much sooner and not expected any particular issues.

I didn’t go for the pill because I didn’t like the idea of all the bleeding there was likely to be, but at least with that option you know when it’s going to happen roughly (rather than waiting for things to happen on their own).

I would talk through all your options at your appointment on Friday- slightly surprised you have to wait quite as long as that; doesn’t make it any easier for you. I don’t believe any of the options should affect your TTC again in the future- it’s more a case of what you would find easier to cope with now.

If things start to happen before then, and you don’t feel able to cope alone, don’t be worried about seeking help from the hospital. Is your partner being supportive? It’s really hard for them too of course but you need them to help you get through this bit.

Thinking of you.

Thank you for your message, I can completely understand what you mean about feeling ready. It’s hit me very hard emotionally, and my husband, he’s my absolute rock, and has made this whole process a tiny bit more bareable with his support. We’ve both been excited about trying for a baby for a while.

I was advised by the early pregnancy unit on Wednesday that they wouldn’t intervene until they rescanned me in 9 days time. They agree that the pregnancy is non viable but because it’s measuring at only 3mm they have to wait to confirm no growth, (guidelines or something..) It’s a long wait. It’s really positive to hear that about your friend, and that you feel ready to try again. No doubt it will be emotional because of the pain you’ve experienced. I have found reading everyone’s stories encouraging. It’s so hard because no one ever talks about miscarriage, so when it happens you don’t really know where to turn to..

I see what you mean about the growth - I guess I was slightly further along than you so that may have been different. Hopefully you’ll know already from your scan that the staff at the EPU will be kind and supportive and look after you.

I think people are talking about miscarriage a little more than they used to - it’s just that you don’t necessarily hear it until it happens to you. I mentioned it to one or two people and was surprised by how many people had experienced losses. Talking about it (when/ if you feel able to do so) definitely helps one feel less alone. I think for me, knowing how common it is, and knowing how many people who’ve miscarried now have lovely families, makes it seem less scary and overwhelming, and more a very sad but normal part of life.

I also had a missed miscarriage a few weeks ago. This was my first pregnancy. I went to the hospital for reassurance, as I had loss of symptoms, but no bleeding or pain. I naively didn't really think anything was wrong and was still very hopeful. When they scanned me, they said that my baby stopped growing at 8 weeks 5 days and there was no heart beat, I thought I was about 9.5 weeks pregnant. I went for medical management, as I thought I couldn't handle waiting for the miscarriage to happen naturally. I was booked in for a week later, the waiting was really difficult for me and I couldn't manage any longer. I went in for the treatment and I had to stay in hospital two days. I had to have the treatment three times, as I didn't pass the pregnancy, just a lot of very big blood clots. The doctor said that my baby could be within one of these clots, but couldn't say for certain. The pain was extremely intense, I had to have morphine, gas and air and codeine. I was also vomiting. I don't know how the pain compares to a natural miscarriage, but I was very glad to be in the hospital with the pain relief that was available. For me, doing this at home with just my husband would have been very distressing. The nurses took very good care of me. This is definitely the most upsetting thing that has ever happened to me and I am still trying to come to terms with it. The doctors said I didn't have to wait to start trying for another baby. Where did you hear the advice about waiting for three months?

Hi. I’m sorry for your loss. I experienced a MMC in 2016. It was a complete shock. I opted for medical management as I didn’t want to wait - it was fine. I experienced some pain but passed everything within a couple of hours and then just had what was like a normal period. The hospital advised me to wait one cycle before TTC again. We did try again after that (it took a while to get a normal period) and I am now sat here cuddling my 4month old baby girl.

Miscarriage is awful but very common. Do what feels right for you and remember it is ok to grieve x

Oh @granola it sounds like you’ve had a terrible time of it. My heart goes out to you and I hope you heal soon. With regards to waiting 3 months, I read it on another forum, although I’ve been looking at some many I can’t remember which one. X

Vik - thank you for your post, this has made me feel slightly more positive. I was more drawn towards taking the pills because I just want it to be over with without surgery (I usually react badly to anesthetic) it’s enlightening to know it didn’t have any affect on your fertility. X