How should I support friend through difficult time (early miscarriage)

[DailyMailcanfuckthefuckoff]

My friend told me tonight that she has suffered an early miscarriage. She and her husband have been trying to conceive for a long time, and this pregnancy was very much wanted. She was very, very upset, and I'm devastated for her.

I deliberately avoided making any "stay optimistic" comments as I know from previous posters here that often this isn't helpful and can make the situation worse. I did tell her not to apologise for telling me (she kept saying "sorry"), and that she can talk to me whenever she wants, and tell me whatever she wants. I also said that she shouldn't bottle it up, and she should allow herself to feel what she's feeling (she said she has been trying to avoid thinking about it) and process it - I hope these were the right things to say.

This is a new situation for me and I want to be as supportive as I can. What can I do to help her, or what should I avoid doing? Thanks in advance.

You sound like a lovely friend :)

Everything you're doing so far sounds great. I didn't tell many people after my miscarriages but I did sometimes want to talk about it and knowing I had a friend who would listen (to the graphic stuff sometimes as well as the emotional stuff) really helped. She may not want to mention it ever again or might just want a totally unrelated night out with you talking about other things but if she knows you're genuinely caring (and not afraid to listen if she wants you to) it will be really helpful

Thank you always

I was thinking about texting her to say that I won't ask her about it, but she can talk to me whenever she wants. I don't want her to think that 'me not asking = I don't care', if you see what I mean?

also for you

You sound like a great friend, I am glad you are empathetic to your friend’s feelings..

After 8 weeks, I told friends but when I told them about miscarriage, I got varied reactions.. some looked at me with pity and wanted to talk to me when I wasn’t ready- that I didn’t appreciate.. but the really kind ones sensed when I wanted to talk and gave me a listening ear, and if I was acting like everything was normal, they did too as well... just responding to how your friend feels would mean the world to her because sometimes she may want to reflect, other times she may want to forget

That's some very good advice roro, thank you

Lovely friend.

Only advise is take your lead from her. Don’t bring it up, but do let her know you are fine to talk about anything she wants to.

Some very good advice Science, thank you.

This happened to me, and lots of people knew i was pregnant. I think you are doing/ saying the right things. Just be there for her, hug her, send her some flowers and let her cry. Everyone was really supportive when it happened to me which helped. No one made any stupid comments like you can try again etc. I think its hard for someone who hasnt been pregnant to understand (not sure if you have) its like losing something you never had to begin with, if you see what i mean.
Definitely saying you wont bring it up but if she wants to talk she can is a great thing to say. You are a great friend

A bit late to this thread, but... The nicest thing a friend said to me after my baby was stillborn (2wks ago today) was this:

"consider me family and friend and don’t feel shy to ask for anything. I want to be there for you."

There was something really genuine about that message and I have taken her up and leaned on her quite a bit.

@FeedingFrenzy5 i'm so sorry for your loss