Miscarriage - can't get over it

[NoelGallaghersPlectrum]

Hi all. First post on here, had hoped to join in happier circumstances but...

Not sure what I'm expecting from this post, maybe I just need to write down how I'm feeling..

Had a miscarriage last Thursday. Was 6 weeks 5 days. Due to moving to a new area and registering with GP I have had no support from anyone in the medical profession, apart from someone in a call centre when I rang NHS 24. Think I passed "everything" naturally, definitely looked that way. Bleeding has now slowed to what looks like the last day of a period. What's really affecting me is how hard I'm finding it to get over. I can feel ok for a day or so and then it just hits me. Last night I went a drive as I find it good thinking time without too much thinking IYSWIM, popped into Tesco for milk and it just hit me like a tonne of bricks. Cried my eyes out in the car for twenty mins.

I was off work last week and my boss has been amazing, but I don't feel at all ready to go back to work. Anytime someone is nice to me i break down. I have quite a demanding job with demanding clients, and if I'm not 100% it affects my whole team. Im going to make sure i get seen tomorrow by the doctor and speak to them about how I'm feeling. Im so low. I feel like a failure, like its my fault. I see women with kids and think why her and not me?

We weren't "trying" to get pregnant but we weren't not, stopped using contraception and decided to see what happened for a bit. This was my first pregnancy. I feel like a fraud, I've read about women on here who have lost babies much later and who have had multiple losses and who have been TTC for ages, and who seem so strong and I'm just falling apart, cant even go for milk without breaking down. Im normally the strong one who keeps everyone else going in bad times.

Im not expecting any replies to this, as its just a bit of spillage of what's in my head; but i just wanted to say I have found great comfort reading through these forums. Thanks for letting me ramble x

I’m so sorry to read that this has happened to you. I have felt the same in the past, I do believe my mental health was completely fucked by miscarriage and the lack of support from medical professionals. I’ve buried most of my feelings as I didn’t want to succumb to a full flown mental health problem, I kept picking myself back up and concentrated on getting well again so I could try to conceive again.
I too found comfort in forms, and now I look back and realise that my hormones were still all over the place. Give yourself time to grieve and heal, there is no time limit.

Wishing you all the best for the future

I feel the exact same emotions you’ve described in your post. On Thursday we found out our baby was severely deformed, if I gave birth she would be extremely disabled and have no quality of life and most likely die- we opted to end the pregnancy. Slightly different to miscarriage, but my feelings of failing are the same. Not feeling like a real woman- like all the other mums. Like I’m not good enough to be a mother. Like you, it comes out of nowhere and takes over my body- suddenly I feel like I can’t breath, feel hot and sick and tears come from no where. I’m not an overly emotional person or someone who reacts badly to things, I think I’m pretty logical and levelheaded, but these intense waves are just something I’ve never experienced before. I didn’t mean to come on to your post and just complain about myself, it’s just what you’ve explained sounds so similar to me and just wanted you to know your not alone. As hard as it is I think we’ve got to ride it out, let the emotions and break downs come until eventually, hopefully, they start to subside. I don’t really ever focus on myself or take time out- it doesn’t come naturally, having to try and do it even makes me feel frustrated and weak! But I know it’s something I’ve got to try and learn to do. Sending hugs xx

Thanks both for your replies. It helps to know I'm not alone in feeling how I do. Im so sorry for your loses. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. @Emelyeb I'm so sorry for what you're going through

I finally got a GP appointment today; sat in the waiting room with a newborn which didnt help, but I need to get a grip and realise there's other people on the planet.. i just broke down in the consultation. I find actually saying the words so difficult. The only person I can talk to calmly IRL is my partner. The doctor was great, said she didn't think there was any need for a scan which i was dreading, and signed me off for 2 weeks. I guess it's just a weight off my mind not worrying about work. I know if I went back and had a client being arsey because a report was late I'd lose it, and that doesn't help anyone least of all me.

I think actually having spoke to an actual doctor who assured me what I'm feeling is normal and that I'm not being dramatic has helped. I think for now I just need to let myself feel what i feel and take each day as it comes. But being out in public is still really upsetting me for some reason. Maybe its just seeing that life goes on? I dont know.

Thanks for taking the time to reply and also for sharing your experiences. It's not easy but hopefully we will learn that time is a healer xxx

I’m glad you’ve seen your doctor and got some time off. You definitely need it.
Do what you need to do to get back to feeling you again. I know some women hate being told how common this is, but I find comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in how I’m feeling. It makes me feel more confident in speaking about what has happened to me.
Hugs to you both today

First of all you are not a failure. You are grieving the loss of a baby, regardless to how far gone you are, I lost 2 babies to missed miscarriages, one at 9 weeks, the second at 8 weeks and 6 days.

It was nothing I did or didn’t do, in fact I ate healthy. Followed all guidelines. No heavy lifting etc with both my miscarriages yet with my son I ate what I wanted, didn’t stop doing anything I had been doing and was covered in bruises the morning I found out I was pregnant with him.

Sometimes as cruel as it is, there just aren’t any answers. It took me a long time to get over both my miscarriages, and I have found that naming them and letting off balloons on their due dates helps immensely, but that of course is a personal thing.

Take all the time you need.

Im on the floor. I had an ectopic back in July and went for early scan only to be told to come back after week cause was small. Went home oblivious worried but did not expect to be told that there was no heartbeat a week later. A girl in work announced her pregnancy today. Im not due back until next week. Sorry to hear about all your losses too. I feel all your pain. How do you get up and do normal stuff?

So sorry to hear about your loss @NoelGallaghersPlectrum... totally understand your reaction seeing a newborn... my heart breaks for all of the stories..
I had a miscarriage while on holiday in New York (11 weeks) had the same reaction when I saw expectant moms waiting for their scans...
it’s been a month but I breakdown in random places- today was at my osteopath when I went in for my back...
it’s hard to be back to normal and I feel waves of guilt when I forget for a few minutes and actually feel normal- like I am not mourning enough...
Sending love and positive thoughts to everyone! Xx