2nd miscarriage at 42. Am i being stubborn?

[Sabzh29]

I'm 42 and as I am writting this i am going through a miscarriage. It's the second time, last one was in May 17 when I was told at 11 weeks that the pregnancy sack was empty.
So many emotions and thoughts are running through my mind.
I feel so lonely the only person who knew is my partner and he has completely shut down. I know he finds it really difficult as he really wants children, it would be his first.
I feel I can't speak to my friends as none of them knew we were trying again and it all happened so quickly. I only had confirmation I was pregnant on Monday when I missed my period.
At least it is happening now as a heartbeat would not have had time to start.
What I feel I am losing right now though is the dream of a second child.
It took me a long time to meet the man I want to have a child with after I separated from my daughter's dad 9 years ago. I have met him now but i'm scared it's too late.
I want to keep trying. Am I just being stubborn?
If it's too late, do I also have to let go of this beautiful man? He has not got children and really want to be a father. Should I let him go to give him a chance to have children with someone younger?
I have to get out of bed now, put a smile on and carry on with the plans I had with my amazing daugter. She will be 10 at the end of the month and last week was saying she would really like a brother or a sister.
The miscarriage feels like a bad period at least for now. I am only bleeding and cramping. I have not pass any tissues yet.
I can't miss work tomorrow...i don't want anyone to know at work. I hated it last time when i returned to work after last miscarriage.
I want to carry on as normal is that wrong?
I don't want anyone to know i feel ashamed and like a failure.
I know i shouldn't feel like that but it's hard not too.
Does anyone out there can relate?

I’m mid-miscarriage too (6wks) i’m pretty certain, cramps and bleeding. I feel the same as you, and even though rationally I know I shouldn’t I feel I’ve let people down and also worried about work as I’m supposed to fly tomorrow and lead a multi-national inspection. I’ll have no choice but to let boss know and I just want to bury my head in work but I don’t know if I even can fly or not if I start clotting.

HI lynzpinz,

I'm.sorry to hear about your loss. Firstly let me send you some love 😘
I know that my first responsibility is to look after myself and hence take time off work to give myself the time to heal however this time I don't want the sad looks from my colleagues and the clumsy words of encouragments.
It sucks! That's all there is...
Emotionally I know i'll be able to hold it down so I'll just have to see how I feel physically. As it's so early, i'm hoping it will just be like a period.
My job is office based so it should be ok. If I had to travel like you, i would not be so sure. Deep down, i'm sure you know what's the right thing for you. I just hope you work in supportive.
Disclosing what feels like a failure is already hard enough...
Today for me, it's watching movie in bed with my daughter, hot water bottle, lots of fruits and water. Let's not forget chocolate.
Take good care of yourself.

Sending hugs to you too ❤️

I know, it’s do you tell people so they know why you’re down, but then have to deal with all the looks and we’ll-meaning ‘so sorrys’ that you’re just not in the place to deal with.

NHS24 and local midwifery service have been useless, this is why people go to A&E instead as these services are so under-resourced. 3 hours and still not called me back. I’m going to have to go to A&E so I can let my boss know the verdict for tomorrow (which I think I know already).

It’s hard to talk about it, but it’s also good to know you’re not alone in everything you’re experiencing and feeling - everything you’ve said resonates completely.

Hope the chocolate helps, it’s definately well deserved. And daughter cuddles sound the perfect way to prepare to face the rest of the world tomorrow! Best of luck.

I hope you get the most carring and gentle team in A&E.
I'll call my GP tomorrow and see what they say.
I'll send you little prayers throughout the day, you're not alone. Xx

Hello Sabzh29.

I understand and sympathize so much - I am sorry you are going through this. I don't think it's stubborn to keep trying, nobody would judge you for that. It depends so much on how much you think you can take should it go wrong again.

I have had two TFMRs and am older than you and have still not quite given up. Having said that, I am very aware that my mental health is and may continue to suffer as a result.

Good luck whatever you decide, life can be so unfair sometimes.

Hello Sabah29,
This is my first post here. I am also 42 and have just had a second loss. I’m a complete mess after having a MMC and SMM yesterday. I had 12 week scan Monday and my baby died at 9 weeks. I decided on surgery as I had blighted ovum (empty sac) last year, that lasted over 6 weeks naturally and ended in surgery anyway. Just wanted this over. I am also 42 and I have 2 small children aged 5 and 2. I had them at 36 and 39. I know am I lucky to have my boys but something inside makes me want another. Am I too old? My mum said my body is trying to tell me something! Not sure I can put the other half through this again, he’s been supportive but not so sure he’s keen on another. Not sure I can try again as last 12 weeks I expected the worst but had normal symptoms no bleeding so was trying v hard to be positive. Can’t believe this has gone wrong.
Just now I have completely given up and feel trying again is selfish. Feeling like a failure, how to explain my absence to work, feel everyone will judge me as being too old.
I wish everyone the best and hope you know you are not alone.

Hello, this is my first time posting and I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I also am 42 and am 1 month after my second miscarriage. I miscarried at 6 weeks, same as first mc. I have 2 older children from my previous marriage and when I got married a second time we tried for kids of our own. At 36 I fell pregnant within 3 months and had a beautiful girl. We have been trying since I was 40 to have another but have only fallen pregnant twice in a year and a half both ending in 6 week miscarriages. Does it get better than this? I so want one more from this marriage as he is the best husband and dad. I want to keep trying but feeling really low about the whole situation at the moment.