Currently miss carrying- had taken MAP. Consumed with guilt

[Momofonemasterofnone]

I really don’t know where to start. I’m 99.9% sure I misscarried last night.
I started what I thought was a late period the 8th jan. Normal bleeding, but much more pain than normal. Then last night I was in the bath, the pain was excruciating- then a very large amount of sac like tissue, filled with blood and clots floated past me. I called the OH to come look but he just didn’t know what to say. I’ve been in excruciating pain all day today, it’s making me feel light headed and nauseous. Although I don’t know if that’s down to anxiety over it all. I took a pregnancy test after the episode last night and it was positive.

I had taken a pregnancy test previously as I had a feeling I was pregnant, but it was negative. Although it was an early predictor test and on the first day of my missed period, so not sure if I just tested too early.

I know the date of conception as I track everything still, and intercourse is very infrequent for me and my partner. We knew when I checked my tracker app that there was a chance we could have conceived, and agreed that we should take the morning after pill, and wait until current circumstances were more ideal before having another child. Although we had spoken and agreed that we both did want another child. So in all honesty I think it was half hearted decision to take it, with the look of ‘if it works it works, if not then what will be will be’ - I didn’t take it until 72hours post intercourse (when the uk had all the heavy snow, delivery was delayed. I ordered it online as I was too ashamed and embarrassed to ask at the chemist for it)
I googled and googled and read back to front the instructions before taking it. It said that if I was already pregnant, no harm would be caused to the fetus, it would just simply not prevent pregnancy. This was a huge concern before I took it, as I knew there was a chance I could already be and didn’t want to do anything to harm it.

Since I took that first pregnancy test I knew in my head that I was pregnant. My body felt everything I had previously felt early in pregnancy with my little girl, but I just put it to the back of my mind. I work in a very physically demanding job, and on the 7th I had an accident at work (nothing overly serious) so I guess I’m just filled with guilt over; I knew in my heart I was pregnant, I shouldn’t have took the MAP. Did that cause this? I should have took it more easy at work, I wouldn’t have had the accident, did that cause this? I should have took another test then I would have known and taken more care of myself. I feel stupid and like it’s karma, for putting myself in the situation with the unprotected sex in the first place, so why am I moaning, it’s karma that I feel this way. I feel like I’m wrong for feeling so upset about it, cause I took the MAP, therefore obviously I didn’t want it, else I wouldn’t have taken it, so I’m not allowed to feel like this.

I cried myself to sleep last night, with comforting words from my OH of ‘what’s a matter and why are you upset’ - no malice, just a ‘typical bloke’
My closest friend has had 6 MC, and has no children. She is desperate for a family. I have my LG and I know and I’m so grateful for her. I really shouldn’t be upset about it. We’ve lost family members over the new year, and now I feel even more awful, knowing I was pregnant, they’ve died, n I could’ve bought another wonderful human being into the world and into our family, had I not been stupid with the MAP or work.

My close friend is telling me how much I really should go to the doctors to get it confirmed that it’s all coming away naturally and that I don’t get an infection - but I just can’t face that. I can’t bring myself to go to the doctor and say what I’ve just typed, or get it confirmed. Is there even a chance that it’s not a miscarriage and I take a pregnancy test in a couple weeks and it’s a strong blue line and healthy and normal and just all in my head exaggerating on bleeding?

I guess I’m asking mostly for advice on whether I really really HAVE to go to the doctors, and would it be the MAP or an accident at work that could have caused it? If it is a MC at all?

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read what I’ve just written.

Signed a very guilt consumed mum

What date was the first day of last period?

Oh my love. Do not feel guilty. It is what it is - one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, possibly more if we counted women who miscarry before they miss their period. It happens sometimes, and 99% of the time there's nothing anyone could have done. That's straight from my GP by the way, if that makes you feel any better.

I highly doubt the MAP would have affected a 'good' pregnancy, and neither would some heavy lifting. If that was the case, the human race would have died out long ago - my grandmother was working on the docks til 8 months with all 6 of hers!

We sometimes forget how hardy embryos and foetuses are. They have to be, to ensure humans can reproduce. Think of all the women who don't know they're pregnant and carry on completely as normal, drinking, smoking, scuba diving, bungee jumping. I know women who've done all these things in early pregnancy and have had healthy babies. It's just plain old luck of the draw most of the time.

Please do see your GP, to check everything is OK. Your friend is right about infections etc. Is there a GP at your surgery you like? I always request one of our doctors who's very non judgemental and easy to talk to. It helps. If you feel you can, it might also help to ask about counselling. You sound so down and guilty and you don't deserve to, and it might help to talk things through with a professional, especially as it doesn't sound like your partner is being that supportive.

I did not really understand the chronology of what happened, but I wanted to tell you that I took the morning after pill many years ago. I did it to reassure my partner who thought the condom had leaked. It had not AND I knew it was not the right moment in my cycle, so I agreed to take it (I would never have taken the risk to prevent the implantation of a fertilized egg otherwise).
Anyway, after taking the MAP, my period was very late, very heavy and very painful. I am 100% sure there had been no conception, let alone a pregnancy.

29th November, why?

Trying to understand the timeline of when you conceived, when you took the MAP and how far pregnant u were

The MAP only works by preventing conception and implantation, not by ending an existing pregnancy.

I'm slightly confused by your timeline, so you had a period in November, then had sex and took EC on the 29th November? Did you not have a period in December? Sometimes the first period after using EC can be heavier and later than usual.

Timeline..
Last period started 29th Nov.
Ovulation/conception 11th Dec.
MAP 14th Dec.
Blood loss started 8th jan.
The tissue etc I can’t describe it - not a blood clot, I do have a picture but I’m pretty sure it would be TMI to upload it, last night.
Works out to 6 weeks pregnant. I only did a clear blue pregnancy test last night, not a digital clear blue - but if there was a drop in hcg it wouldn’t show accurately how many weeks anyway

Guess I’ll just have to face the gp

The MAP wouldn't have had anything to do with it - it was too late.

Sorry I take that back - I read the dates wrong but MAP wouldn't have caused a MC

First of all, sorry for your loss darling. Second of all try not to beat yourself up about this, your hormones will be haywire right now which will be contributing to your feelings of guilt and strong emotions. You have done nothing wrong. Miscarriages are super common, there is no way of knowing whether the MAP affected this or not. I miscarried last month at a similar point to you between 5 and 6 weeks and it was exactly as you describe. Unless you have any further symptoms or problems there is no need to ho to your GP unless you want too as chances are that early in it was all expelled. I went to GP and she simply told me to test again a week later to check hormones where leaving my system as they should. Don't feel ashamed about the MAP either, I literally don't know a single woman who has not made that choice at some point. Give yourself permission to grieve and be upset as it is normal. Wishing you a swift and healthy recovery. Xx

Hi there,
To start with, do not feel guilty at all! You are of course entitled to feel however you do, whether you wanted a child or not but the MAP cannot cause a miscarriage.
The MAP will not affect an already established pregnancy it will just prevent one from occurring. It can however delay ovulation which is why it often has the side effect of delaying a period. It also does not cover you for the remainder of that cycle.
If you had a positive pregnancy test, then at some point either before or after taking the MAP you became pregnant. Unfortunately it sounds like you should go to the GP just to check everything is OK.
I am sorry for your loss and I hope that in time you will at the very least stop feeling guilty as there is nothing to feel guilty for.

Oh op please don't blame yourself. As a pp said 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. It's sad but it happens.

I think it is human nature to need an answer so we automatically look at what we have done to cause it (the week before mine I had acidentally banged myself in the stomach in tescos because I was not paying attention and moved a heavy bookcase at work because I didn't want to tell anyone I was pregnant. I beat myself up about it for a long time ).

It took another miscarriage where I literally did everything right for me to accept that maybe it was just bad luck.

Go to the doctor, you should get it on your record just in case. The only person blaming you is you and its not your fault. Take care of yourself, you are entitled to feel very upset and sad right now.