When to stop trying

[Greymoon2016]

Hello all I had the medical management for my mmc yesterday but didn't pass everything till early hours of today. I feel different this time to last time I had MMC kind of numb like I'm trying not to feel it as last time I fell apart.
I would love to be a mum again I've got two children I wanted three but it hurts losing but the want remains how do you know when to stop and enjoy what you have ? I feel like I'm being greedy I was told at 26 I'd never have children I've been pregnant 4 times naturally something I was told was unlikely to happen.
I have this yearning to want to hold a baby I made to watch their firsts I can't explain the feeling but it's still here today even though yesterday/ today I felt like I was dying in pain.
My sensible head says stop don't do this to yourself but then this yearning kicks in sorry for the ramble I'm just trying to understand how I can keep trying when life throws me a curve ball x

I think you will just know when you can't take anymore. If you don't feel like that right now and you are coping with the loss ok then I would carry on.

I had an mmc / stillborn / mmc and have no live children. I'm not ready to stop just yet but do think if I have any more trouble will I accept it just isn't meant to be? I don't think I will ever know unless I get to that point though. I do think after everything as someone who always wanted a huge family k would settle at just one. But I suspect that will change if I have one.

Very sorry for your loss. So tough.

Oh I'm so sorry you've had the losses you've had big hugs I knew I had fertility problems before I was told and as such I convinced myself I didn't want children.
I had if I have one I may stop but it fills you with this sense that you can have a baby so maybe docs are wrong. I found my first MMC so devastating I didn't cope well at all I became mentally unwell for sometime and then when I got pregnant again I was totally detached from it I ended up with a cpn as my midwife was worried I wasn't coping that was very stressful but I got through that pregnancy pretty well.
I wish you all the luck going forward big hugs X

I was like that. my first mmc I was devastated. I was so naieve and it was traumatic how it happened. In my second pregnancy I felt so lucky to conceive straight away and the first 20 weeks were great but things went downhill then. My second mmc I was and still am very blasé about. It didn't bother me all that much apart from the fact I really want a child and it was a shock as I had got to 14 weeks so passed the magical 12.

Is this mmc after having children and the first one before? I think I would have another shot of you have coped ok with the second mmc.

My very first pregnancy in 2012 I had first trimester bleeding my HCG numbers didn't look right but she hung in there and was two weeks late now five and like a teenager I started trying again when she was seven months old took till march 15 I started bleeding in my ninth week and a scan showed baby only grew to 8 weeks 1 day.
I opted for natural miscarriage I saw the baby as they came out intach in the sac I buried the baby under a little apple tree so we named that baby pip. I fell pregnant again in march 16 that pregnancy had no issues what so ever I have a little one year old now then I fell again in October we had been trying as soon as possible I'm 35 and with my fertility being all over the place. Weirdly this last pregnancy I had no bleeding and really strong symptoms so assumed maybe my anxieties about it going wrong may have been off.
I too feel some what indifferent about this loss I think I'm distancing myself from it I don't want to tell anyone because people are insensitive and I've even had someone joke about my last MMC so this one isn't open to discussion.
Are you having any tests done? I'm seeing a gynaecologist next week to see if because of my age they may test sooner than the standard three losses I'm informed it's unlikely due to two healthy children. I just don't want to enter another pregnancy and lose that one if it's something a simple blood test can help prevent X

My consultant decided in the end that because the two we had tested were in no way linked it is just bad luck and due to getting so far along its unlikely I have a problem with recurrent MC.

I think everything is in your favour by the sounds of things. Mc is so so very common and I think there is nothing to say your next one will not be successful.

Are you taking all the vitamins? It might be worth taking baby aspirin and I've seen people have success with vitamin d.

They're all on my hitlist for the next time but I need to loose weight first.

Snap on losing weight I have an under active thyroid so weight lose can be hard and I lose hope and often give up.
now vitamin d is something I wondered about with this loss for some reason being hypothyroid puts you at risk of low b12 low vitamin d and low iron. I took pregnancy vitamins only so I'm wondering if they were just to low for me I'm asking the doc on Wednesday I want to be proactive I've ordered some folate I've started taking my normal vit d spray again and my b12 lozenges and I swapped back to my liquid iron hopefully the doctor can point me in the right direction.

I really admire your dedication to this it must be so heart breaking and nerve wracking to keep going but so understanding that strong want for children nothing else matters. Me and my husband have come close to splitting up because of the strain it has put on us he actually would happily stop now it's me driving the we should continue. Has it effected your relationship ?
It's good chatting to someone who understands so thank you for that hugs x

I started on b12 but slacked a bit because I knew at my weight I really shouldn't try just yet but I'm going to start it all back up at new year along with a diet.

Thyroid issues can cause MC. I wonder if they have your medication right. You can tell I have frequented all the MC boards haha!

It does put a huge strain on your relationship. After my last pregnancy I couldn't physically face being in that position again because of how hard it had been but tbh a lot of that was to do with dps general behaviour. He is a big drinker and a horrible drunk so I would get 4 days normall-ish then 3 days in hell coping with his drinking and hangovers.

He never told his work about the pregnancy or when it ended to the point that he couldn't wouldnt take a day off work to take me for surgical management. He was an absolute arsehole. Loosing another baby never seemed to bother him at all and he thinks it's easy to just go through it all again which I suppose he will as it didn't affect him at all the last time.

I didn't leave as we've been through an awful lot together. Silly as it sounds. Our life's are just starting to take a turn. He has a DVT so can't drink anymore, well not to the extent he did anyway so I'm hoping the next time will be much much better.

Did you see the studies about vitamin b3 / niacin? I'm debating that next time too.

Hello I'm sorry you've been through all of that but pleased everything is changing for the better. Men can be insensitive and thoughtless my husband is really supportive but even he is pretty cold about the losses I suppose nothing changes for them until baby arrives.
My thyroid meds were higher and my tsh was 0.8 so really good so I can't imagine it's that but I could be wrong X
I know nothing about b3 and its connection I know it can cause flushing of the skin but that's about it?
Last year before I got pregnant I was taking a b complex and b12 and vit d so maybe that's why I had success then and not now as due to breastfeeding I'm not taking the b complex I was. I take floravital liquid iron which does have a b complex but probably much lower.

How do you plan to lose weight ? I've tried slimming world and weight watchers I had most success with calorie counting but my god it's hard work. I don't know what to try and exercise is a but more difficult now due to a prolapse my last pregnancy caused X

I did weight watchers last year and found it easy, had done slimming world previously and found that too faffy having to cook from scratch all the time so I'm thinking fruit and yoghurt for brekkie. Salad and chicken for lunch then a healthy meal for tea probably following a slimming world recipe. Going to get out walking much more and might do squats etc at home. I don't want to do anything too physically demanding incase I fall pregnant and cause problems that way. It's all such a worry.

Sounds like your thyroid is well under control which is great. The b3 was trialled on mice to stop birth defects I think. The evidence is not conclusive but they had great results.

I'm going to put a list together of questions for the Dr next week and maybe ask for b12 vit d levels checked don't know what relevance it may have had but my potassium levels were low in my last blood test will ask about that too
Your diet plan sounds good I understand about exercise being a worry and falling pregnant. I'm going to ask hubby to wear condoms for a while so I can get a bit of weight off and give my body a nutritional boost before I try again fingers crossed for us both X

That's a great starting point. I use ovia fertility app and withdrawal method at the mo and if I did fall pregnant I would be happy but if anything went wrong again I would question my weight so would rather it not happen until I have lost some.

I do tell myself all the time though that I forever see new mums who are over weight and some much much bigger than me and they obviously managed just fine. I know theres lots of research which suggests weight can affect a pregnancy but I have never seen or been told why it does if that makes sense?

I know I often wondered what it is that weights affects I know for myself it affects my hormones and I have higher testosterone due to pcos and that then stops me ovulating regularly.
The two pregnancies I've kept I was exercising more losing weight etc the two I lost I wasn't trying to lose weight or be fit so it must effect things it's a confusing time when you just want a baby

Oh well that in itself seems like evidence. Maybe when you start eating healthier you will have a better time of it. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!