Depression after miscarriage

[BeckyE4848]

Hello everyone and my condolences to everybody who is here. This is my first post on MN, I didn’t really know where to turn to ask for help. I had a miscarriage that started on the 18th of November, I was 8 weeks pregnant and was waiting for it to start as an early scan showed no heartbeat on the 15th. I found the miscarriage traumatic and spent 3 days in hospital with blood loss, the bleeding eventually stopped last week. I went through this alone as my partner of nearly 3 years didn’t want the baby and provided no support during the miscarriage. The relationship is now over. The problem is I’m very emotional still, I cry at least once a day, I’ve totally lost interest in everything, I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t know what to do. Is it normal to feel this sad a month afterwards, I feel like I’m grieving for something that didn’t even exist and I’m struggling to cope with the fact that my ex wasn’t there for me, I simply can’t believe he has behaved this way. I don’t want to go out and I have no interest in Christmas or anything else, I’m not eating and hardly sleeping, I know I need to pull myself together but I simply can’t.

Hello, I’ve only 2 mins but could not read and run.

I’m so sorry you’ve been through this; miscarriages are shitty and fuck with your body and head. Factor in the collapse of a relationship it’s nonqonder you’re feeling blue.

Have you spoken to your GP about what happened and how you feel?

You’re processing two losses. I’m so sorry my love. Xx

Hi OP. I'm sorry for your loss. I miscarried a few days before you. Hands down it is the saddest experience of my life. I go through moments of trying to pull myself together and feeling ok, and then soon afterwards feel raw, painful, hopeless, panicked, afraid and so so devastated. I sobbed myself to sleep last night for instance.

I don't think you should be feeling like you are "over it" by now. Is there anyone you can talk to in real life, do you have any support? I'm told it gets easier.

You poor thing, you've been through so much. It's no surprise you're feeling like this, it's a perfectly natural reaction. A month is still VERY early days. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. xxx

Thank you for your replies, your both very kind which has set me off again!

TheLegendofBeans......no I haven’t been to my gp about how I feel, I’m slightly nervous about talking to anybody in real life about it as I’m sole carer for my disabled son, I’m scared I will be seen as not coping which in all honesty I’m not right now. That’s exactly what it feels like.....2 losses. My ex simply turned his back and we haven’t actually spoken since I came out of hospital, there has been plenty of texting until last weekend when I decided to go no contact and changed my number.

DownNotOutt...... thank you and I’m sorry for your loss too, it truly is a god awful experience, I had no idea that miscarriages could be such a blow. You have hit the nail on the head with what you have said, I feel so empty and slightly detached from everyday life, like I’m just running on autopilot then break down as soon as I’m alone. Yes, I have fantastic parents who have supported me through this but they can’t understand why I haven’t bounced back to my usual self. I’m so sorry you are having a hard time too, it seems to come over me in waves, I was baking earlier and just broke down. Maybe we are just grieving and hopefully it gets easier sooner rather than later.

Thank you purpleflower, the funny thing is that I’ve coped with what would be considered far worse in the last few years and breezed through it, this for some reason has knocked me for six.

Hi BeckyE4848 I’m so sorry about your loss. Miscarriage really does knock you for six doesn’t it?

I had a miscarriage in October and was doing really well. Up until now! Think with Christmas coming up and what would have been my 20 week scan next week, finding this really tough!

Having the miscarriage and the relationship breakdown must be really hard for you.

I don’t really have much advice other than give yourself time to grieve, cry when you need to and be kind to yourself. The hormones really are all over the place!
I went to see my GP last month and she was amazing. I gave myself a hard time about my diet & work stress etc but she listened and told me to give myself a break and explained more about reasons for miscarriage. I just felt better off loading to someone outside my circle without judgment and bias.

Big hugs to you. Life really is cruel sometimes and thank god for networks like this!

I really hope you feel better soon xox

Hi Worriedscot2207
Thank you for your reply, I agree that with it being Christmas it’s much harder, my 12 week scan was supposed to be today. I too have blamed myself although the EPU that treated me tried to put my mind at rest that it wasn’t my fault, it’s not our fault that we have miscarried, there’s often something wrong with the baby and it’s nature taking care of business so to speak. It doesn’t make it any easier though!
This morning I’m feeling anger at my ex for the way he has behaved, I’m by no means an angry person by nature but I’m raging today which I guess is the next emotion to go through.
Big hugs to you too and I hope you have the best Christmas that you possibly can.
I’m going to see if I can get a gp’s appointment today, I don’t think I’m going to be able to pull myself out of this low without some help, how I am right now is not fair on my son, he deserves a happy Christmas and not with a mother who’s always in tears!

Thanks BeckyE4848. Yeah you have every right to feel how you want to, I think it’s all part of the process.

Yeah something about Christmas makes it all more emotional or something like that? Yeah the nurses at the EPU were really good with me too and after my scan one nurse in particular told me about her personal experiences with miscarriages that I was shocked how common it is. 1 in 4 of us will miscarry.

I really hope you get an appt at your GP, I had to wait 2 weeks but glad I did go and felt better I was doing something.

Let us know how you get on. And if you need to rant or just chat remember you can do it on here too!

Yeah, I hope you have a really good Christmas too with your son! Sometimes good really does come out of the bad and we appreciate what we’ve got more than ever.

Take care xox

Hi all,
Just to reiterate that you must give yourself time. And dont beat yourself up for not 'getting over it'.
I miscarried in August and was fine straight away but after a couple of weeks it just kept hitting at the most random times. It wasnt until October that I realised i wasnt coping at all. I think that if i had acknowledged it straight away i would be better now.

We got this!

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks in the 8th of December.there was no heart beat and fetus was 8 weeks.i have no support from anyone or any consolation as husband didn’t want this baby.only my 4.5 year old daughter is my support