How much support/information were you offered when miscarrying?

[WigglyWigglyWooo]

I am currently in the process of miscarrying although I feel that I may be through the worst of it now (I hope).

I haven't felt very supported by the health services I have been in contact with and I'm just wondering if this is a common thread or if I was just unfortunate. I want to be clear that this post is not to slag of the NHS in any way. I appreciate that they are already overworked and underpaid and I am actually very grateful for all they do.

Here is my experience:
I had some spotting and was sent for an early scan. I was 9+2 but I was told I was measuring 6 weeks. I knew in my heart what had happened but they couldn't confirm anything until another scan next week. I was very emotional. The next day I had very heavy bleeding and was rushed to A&E. I was told that I was miscarrying and to expect it to get worse over the coming days as my cervix was only beginning to open. They told me to go home and to come back if I couldn't manage. That was all the information they gave me.

That was it. I was on my way home. I had no idea how horrific and traumatic the coming days would be and if it wasn't for the lovely people I spoke to on Mumsnet I would have felt so alone. I wasn't told about a follow up appointment, I wasn't given a leaflet or told about a charity I could talk to. Nothing. I felt incredibly let down and afraid.

Luckily I have an incredibly supportive partner who has helped me through this difficult time.

I'm just wondering if this is a common theme or if I was just unfortunate? I feel that more should be done to support women and their partners during these very difficult times.

Thanks.

With my first one, I went for my scan and was taken into a little room with a doctor to tell me there was no heartbeat and I would miscarry. I was offered the choice of a surgical removal or wait for it to come out naturally - i was in denial and was convinced they were wrong, so refused the D&C. A few days later I started to bleed. I went to the walk in centre when it became really heavy, and was transferred to the maternity hospital.

I felt that I was dealt with sensitively and kindly, but not given any indication of why it had happened (it was a late mc) or whether there would be any follow up. I ended up having a D&C when I was admitted to hospital.

After the third one I was sent to the reproductive unit for tests and felt as though I was more informed and involved with my care. It was a long time ago though so things may have changed.

I'm sorry to hear of your experience OP. Sadly mine was very similar, no support or empathy at all. So hard isn't it?

It really is! I got the feeling that it's a common thing so I should just get on with it. But the physical aspects of miscarrying are incredibly hard, not to mention frightening!

I just wish there was something I could do for someone else. I would hate for them to feel as I did or not have the support network that I have been fortunate to have.

Bump

I didn’t know I was pregnant but would have been 7-9 weeks pregnant most likely. Had been spotting for two days, then all of a sudden passed a big clot at work and bled a lot. Held it together for the next couple of hours as was at work on my own, kept the clot in tissue in my pocket as I guessed what was going on. Got home, called nhs direct and was advised to go to OOH. The OOH gp was so unkind and dismissive, said there was no way of telling, that I was probably miscarrying and there was nothing he could do and no point discussing it further. I went home and bled for three weeks, miserable, uninformed and feeling like it was inconsequential.

The first time I miscarried I was 12 weeks, the OOH gp told me to rest over the phone but was fairly blunt in saying that if I was miscarrying nothing could be done. I then went through tremendous pain and passed clots but still thought it would be ok as I was no longer in pain. Subsequently went to hospital who weren’t able to scan at the weekend then had to back again (thinking it was ok as no longer in pain) for the scan. I remember very clearly the ultra sound person just saying “theres no baby” no softening the blow, just thats it no baby. We were put in a room and eventually someone saw us but their attitude again was very practical and business like. This was about 8 years ago.

The second and third time I miscarried I’d had ivf and new I had two embryos emplanted. I woke up to a gush of blood with clots and new it was over, because we were in the ivf cycle we went to a private clinic who did a scan and confirmed that one had been lost but we saw the heart beat of the other embryo. We went back to the clinic a week later and then they confirmed that the surviving embryo had died. It was a bank holiday weekend and they just gave us so much time to get ourselves together before we left. There was no rushing. It didn’t feel like a conveyor belt. And they took us out away from the other pregnant women. I had to go to EPU at my local hospital to kick start the process of the d and c but by then I was so numb it was awful. They gave us miscarriage support group leaflets.

My latest miscarriage, I went along for my 20 week scan and the silence in the scan room was defeaning I knew something was wrong. The oerson again was so blunt, there is no heart beat baby had died. I think this is down to personality as the second collegue he brought into confirm the death seemed a lot more softer in her approach and gave me tissues etc and put us in a quiet room away from the pregnant women. We were given access to a bereavement midwife who spent a lot of time with us and organised the medical miscarriage and came to see us after I had delivered the baby. She also gave a charity support box. In terms of pain relief while in hospital I was given morphine to handle things. We were given a lot more support at 20 weeks than previous miscarriages.

I think there is an attitude that before 12 weeks miscarriage is normal and there is no desire to help women.

New = knew

I had an early miscarriage in 2007 and a threatened one at 15 weeks in 2012 (turned out fine fortunately) both times in two diff nhs trusts (was visiting relatives on the threatened mc) I was admitted to hospital and kept overnight and the nurses and doctors were really sympathetic and kind. In hindsight I'm quite surprised I was admitted with the early one as there was nothing they could do and it was only 6 weeks...was more painful the few days after back at home. I was given lots of info about support available and also the option of a kind of funeral though I didn't take up any of these services
With the threatened there was a lot of bleeding and they were concerned I would miscArry plus they couldn't scan till the next day and as was further along I can understand why I was admitted then.