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Message to ex-colleague who lost her baby
14

HopeAndJoy16 · 07/12/2017 11:11

Sorry I wasn't sure how to phrase the title. An ex colleague of mine had a term stillbirth earlier in the year. I sent her a card at the time but haven't really make any further contact as I had had my own baby a couple of months before and didn't want to cause her any pain or upset. It's coming up to Christmas and I just feel like I should send her a message saying that I'm thinking of her, her partner and their baby. I don't want her thinking people have forgotten about them, I think of them often and I imagine Christmas is going to be hard for them. Is this a good idea? What should I say? . Any advice appreciated

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Lifeofpies · 07/12/2017 12:40

Definitely a good idea, I’m sure they will appreciate you thinking of them and their baby. Maybe a card? What you’ve said in your message is good - you’re thinking of them? I’m sure you’ll get the tone right.

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blue2014 · 07/12/2017 12:59

That sounds lovely - just send that x

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GU24Mum · 07/12/2017 13:38

It's a lovely idea. I'm sure you're going to anyway, but I'd just sign it from you, rather than from you, OH and your baby.

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Miami81 · 07/12/2017 16:44

I agree with pp re popping message in a card. You have the sentiment exactly right. We lost our little girl this year and just got our first Christmas card this year and it doesn't mention her (or the situation) which makes me irrationally want to dump it in the bin.

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gingerbreadmam · 07/12/2017 16:49

Great idea. Christmas is very tough once you have suffered this kind of loss.

I lost my son two years ago when he was stillborn and I would really appreciate that.

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Lifeofpies · 07/12/2017 18:29

Sorry to derail, but Miami I remember you from the pg after miscarriage thread, I think? I am so terribly sorry to hear about your daughter.

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Miami81 · 07/12/2017 19:04

Hi @Lifeofpies yep that's me. We lost Eilidh at 27 weeks. Just utterly devastated. Hope everything is well with you.

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Lifeofpies · 07/12/2017 20:06

Oh Miami, how utterly awful. I am truly sorry (and of course for everyone else on the thread who has lost a child). I hope most people remember Elildh this Christmas. I’ll light a candle for her tonight.

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HopeAndJoy16 · 08/12/2017 18:20

I'm so sorry for your loss Miami, Eilidh is such a beautiful name Flowers Thanks for all the advice x

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user1485778793 · 09/12/2017 20:58

I lost my baby at the end of August. I haven't been back to work yet. Not one colleague has contacted me. And I dislike them for it.

I think it's a lovely idea Flowers there's not much worse than losing a baby and feeling like everyone has forgotten you

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Miami81 · 09/12/2017 22:00

User
I am so sorry for your loss. This world of baby loss is so lonely. People really struggle with it, but that's no excuse for no contact at all. Poor you. I got some lovely cards but possibly because there has been a lot of bereavement in my work of late (including the big boss whose grown up son died tragically) and think people are a little bit more engaged with it, if that makes sense at all.
Did you have a boy or girl? How is everyone else (friends & family) being? I hope you have some close support. All the best.

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Ethelswith · 09/12/2017 22:03

I think your instincts are spot on.

Write the card to the couple. Include a letter about their baby (using their name) and how much you think of them.

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Ceebs85 · 09/12/2017 22:34

I know everyones exerience is different but there was a lady on This Morning this week that said the worst thing about christmas cards is when they don't mention the child who has passed away. She said she wished it woulr just say something like 'and remembering ..........' then its acknowledging that they existed.

Sending a card is a lovely sentiment and I'm sure she'll appreciate it x

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user1485778793 · 09/12/2017 23:54

Miami81 thankyou, we had a boy, he was 2 1/2 months old when he died. We knew from 20 week scan he was very poorly.

I'm pregnant again Smile 9 weeks.

I agree with the card writing the babies name, it is hurtful receiving cards and they aren't acknowledged

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