Struggling to cope with miscarriage at 13 weeks

[rachsl8]

Hi all

I’m new here but feel I need to post to share my experience and get some support as I’m finding it so hard

Last Sunday I miscarried at 13 weeks, I’d be having trouble since about 8 weeks, bleeds on and off etc, I’d had a total of 6 scans in that time and every time everything was ok with the baby, I’d almost become immune to thinking anything bad would happen this far along now. Before the miscarriage I’d only seen my baby on the scan screen the Thursday before being very active and there really is no explanation for this.
It feels all the more raw because I’d had so many scans and seen the baby so much, I feel like I really bonded and now just feel empty. My emotions are all over the place one minute I’m ok and then a couple of hours later I’m sobbing my heart out

The actual miscarriage was really awful, without writing an essay I basically went into labour naturally without realising, my husband took me to the hospital when the pain got really bad and he could see it coming in waves, at the hospital they basically explained what was happening and I delivered the baby a few hours later, there was some trouble getting the placenta out so I was having contractions for hours after until that came, I lost a lot of blood and it was all horrible. I had to be on a drip and was given some tablets to make the contractions stronger so the placenta came out quicker.
The hospital were very good and my husband was with me the whole time, he’s been amazing. The pain for me so was bad that I kept throwing up the morphine they gave me, I can’t exactly remember the whole ordeal and just get flashbacks more than anything else, I remember seeing the baby and remember screaming at my husband not to look, I can’t get that out of my head. I feel bad for hubby because he was completely coherent and had to see me in so much pain as well as losing his child also

I just don’t really know how I feel just a huge emptiness, I'm signed off work for another week yet but right now I don't feel like I can ever regain normal life

I’ve been reading a few threads and it’s comforting in a way to know I’m not alone

Just wanted to tell you that I heard you.

I’ve been through a similar experience and I know that feeling of shock and emptiness can be incredibly overwhelming in the days and weeks after the miscarriage happened.

Miscarriage can be incredibly traumatic and the pain is like nothing I experienced before. I remember being incredibly shellshocked and having flashbacks to the experience.

I ended up going to see a therapist a few months after and I wish I recognised I needed to talk to someone earlier.

To me miscarriage was like a bereavement. Someone died. They weren’t a fully formed person but to me the baby I lost carried so many hopes and dreams it was like a losing a loved one. Recognise it and be kind to yourself. And don’t be afraid to talk about it. It does get easier.

You may want to plant a little tree or a plant somewhere for the baby. I did. It helped me measure passage of time.

Just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear you lost your baby 💐 I suffered two miscarriages and too was devastated. You are grieving that loss be kind to yourself OP much love xx

I've just been through this too...at 11 weeks. Baby only measured 7.5 weeks and I had natural miscarriage at home which I was prepared for. The passing of the fetus was actually ok...my husband was with me and we knew what to expect (as much as you can) but I wasn't prepared for the agonising pain that came afterwards. Like you I started having terrible contractions and had to be rushed to hospital by my poor DH, I was almost passing out from the pain in the car. Worst 40 mins of my life! Then they gave me pethidine which helped a bit and other painkillers. Now, almost two weeks later in still off work as a scan showed that I hadn't passed everything so I'm taking antibiotics and cytotec and seeing if I finish passing everything. I'll find out on Monday if I need a D +C...

I'm fine emotionally, just a bit bored at this stage being at home doing nothing, but I feel very sorry for what my poor DH had to go through. He was amazing though it all but I think he was a bit traumatised by it. I got an awful lot of sympathy and attention but he had to go through a lot on his own. It's hard. Big big hugs to you and your DH.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a very similar experience, I had an mmc at 12 weeks in July but unlike you I had no idea anything was wrong, no pains no bleeding or anything but everything else is pretty much like reading my own story! People thinks it's crazy to say you've seen the baby but it's an image that stays with you forever I think. Even after passing the baby I then had to have a d&c. It gets easier with time but I still have days where I cry a lot and we've been ttc ever since with no joy. We planted a tree in the garden to remember the baby in a really quiet section so we just sit by the tree when we have a bad day. I hope you're okay considering and I hope seeing similar stories from other people makes you feel less alone x

Thank you for writing back, so sorry for your losses. I'm starting to realise I will have good and bad days. Had a day this week where I didn't get dressed and just cried all day, for the life of me I couldn't pull myself together but then yesterday I went out to a local Christmas festival thing with a friend and that was ok.
your suggestions of a tree were really good and I've recognised that I need something. I have a charm bracelet that my DH bought me on my birthday many moons ago and all the charms I have mean something such as bought a house etc etc so I think I'm going to get one in memory of this baby.
Sending you all lots of love x

@rachsl8 I have a charm bracelet and bought a bead based on the birthstone for my due date. It brings me a lot of comfort. I wear it on its own at the moment but at some point I’ll add it to the other charms.

I hope you’re doing okay. I’m so sorry for your loss. X

Thanks @Zoo33 I'm glad it brings you comfort and hope it will for me too in time to come. xxx