I've written on here a couple of times before. Think it just helps me to write things down so sorry if I'm rambling. I have a two (nearly three) year old who was conceived and born with no fuss in 2015. So when it came to number two I naively just assumed all would be plain sailing. We started trying in April this year and by May I was pregnant all was completely fine until I went to my 12 week scan in July where to our complete shock they confirmed it was a mmc and baby had died at around 7weeks but I had no bleeding or anything. I opted for a d&c but by the time I received the appointment I had unfortunately gone into natural 'labour'. I was in no way prepared for how truly awful and painful it would be I ended up hemmoring and I was rushed to a&e
Anyway after some very dark days and the bleeding had stopped we started ttc again. I didn't want to go back on contraception and I think may way of coping was just to focus on ttc. Anyway I didn't get my period after 6weeks so I took a test in August and turns out i was pregnant.
I was totally paranoid so I went for an early scan when I was 5weejs they could see a sac however lot of bleeding around the sac so they've told me to expect to lose this pregnancy too. I was booked for a viability scan in two weeks to confirm. Roll on two weeks I had been having some bleeding but when I went for the scan on Friday they could see a heartbeat and said all was fine and the bleeding around the sac was a lot smaller (probably due to the bleeding) but it was all really hopefull. I was hysterical crying with joy at the scan, but then on Sunday morning the bleeding was a lot heavier I called the early pregnancy unit and they said not to worry that it was probably normal and that they couldn't do a scan on a Sunday anyway 😔😔 I was unconvinced Msnaged to book a private scan for the same day and it confirmed my fears... no heartbeat. It just seems so cruel I saw my baby's heartbeat two days earlier and now it's all happening again.
I'm just not sure how I'll get through it this time. It was so hard the first time and although it wasn't such a surprise this time in my heart of hearts I just didn't think it would happen again. I know I'm very blessed to have my Little boy, but I'm just so desperate to give him a sibling I know he'd be a fabulous big brother and it breaks my heart that I can't do that for him. Just feeling very sad 😔