To feel worse instead of better

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I had a miscarriage in July. It was a bit of a horror story that I won't go into too much (failed medical management and resultant d&c)

I was back at work a couple of days after medical management and then back again a couple of days after d&c. At the time I was very jolly and just got on with it. Stiff upper lip I suppose. I have a DS who is 4 and I just kept telling myself how bloody lucky I am to have him. I rarely got upset and just pushed it to the back of my mind telling myself that these things happen, right?

Now two months on I am crying in the shower And pretty much anywhere that I'm alone. I think since I kept it going and carried on, people have forgotten and just assume I'm fine when I now feel worse than ever. I'm not sure if it's delayed shock?

I am obsessing about age gaps between children and I am wondering if now DS is 4 if I've left it too late? I'm terrified I won't fall pregnant again?

About 4 people have announced they're pregnant and are due within a week of when I'd have been due and I am trying so hard to be really upbeat with them and inside I am crumbling.

Has this happened to anyone else?

I should add that I'm physically fine. Periods were back to normal within 3 weeks of d&c.

Yes. I have lost 4 pregnancies (2 ectopics and 2 missed miscarriages). There is always, for me, a degree of grief that comes later - sometimes months later, particularly when I was desperate to get pregnant again. It's awful, but it will get better. I think it's just that for the first weeks I was just so busy dealing with the shock and being fine that I didn't deal with the disappointment, and that came back to bite me later. for you.

I think you've right polly

The realisation that February will come and all these babies will be born and mine won't is starting to hit home.

How do I cope in February?

I had a missed miscarriage in July, too. I was due 27th December. I was fine up until a couple of weeks ago, when I've started finding things hard. We have started trying again and in the run up to my AF this weekend I felt so angry, however now I've come on I feel more positive, weirdly enough.
I keep thinking about how I'm going to cope with Christmas and knowing we should have a baby here with us. The loss feels unbearable some days.
I think you just have to keep going, acknowledge that it hurts, don't try to fight it. It was only two months ago, it's not very long at all.
It is such a lonely time, but you're not alone.

I have the same worries lifetime. I had a missed miscarriage in June, baby would have been born in January. So many of my friends have since announced babies due in Jan/Feb which was hard, but made better by the fact I got pregnant again quickly and would have been due not long after, in April. It was almost a replacement baby, which sounds awful. I have just had another missed miscarriage, exactly the same as before. I'm devastated and just don't know how I'm going to cope when all these babies are born. I feel like I'm mourning the loss of both babies now, because I 'replaced' the first one so quickly I probably didn't deal with it fully. Not sure if that even makes sense

Oh ladies my heart breaks for all of you. It just comes in waves and it's so painful. So bloody painful