No one can help, just wanted to write it down.

[SleepFreeZone]

So had a TFMR last Wednesday. The procedure actually went really well. Hardly any bleeding afterwards, I was expecting 2 weeks as this has been the norm for all my other MCs but no, my body has bounced back, intact you would never know I'd been nearly 20 weeks!!

Mentally I am superficially fine, but oh god I cannot be around pregnant people at the moment and if course, they are everywhere.

My son has just started school and one of the Reception mums is further on than I would have been, but really wanting to discuss her pregnancy (I think she's struggling with symptoms but I just can't deal with hearing about them right now). My friend keeps trying to draw me into a conversation with her for some reason - she's one of the few people who knew I was pregnant. I'm reacting weirdly, I know that, rudely truth to be told, but I think I'm trying to protect myself. I know that time is a great healer and it's hardly been any time at all but my god it hurts and I feel so bitter.

I'm lucky enough to have a 19 month old and a nearly 5 year old. But due to my age this baby really was my last shot at it. I know lots of people who had their last baby at my age but I'm always falling into the bad stats, so obviously that's not going to be my story. I was so deliriously happy when DS2 was born but now I've been catapulted back to my dark days. I'm so cross with myself and just want to get over it already.

There's no such thing as reacting badly or weirdly. You've been through a trauma and it will take a lot of time to be able to be around pregnant women and small babies.

I don't have any advice but I hope that the pain dims a little soon for you.

Thanks for the reply 💐💐

Hi sleep
I am so sorry for your loss. I too am on the plus side of 40 and had a loss at 13 weeks. I am going to try again but my eyes are wide open with regards to what can go wrong. I can empathise with the emotional pain and not wanting to see pregnant people. Some days I literally feel like someone is crushing my heart. I just wanted to say my thoughts are with you. Take care 💐

I am truly sorry for your loss op. I had a tfmr last year at over 20 weeks and had to return to work when I would've been due to go on mat leave. A few colleagues were just going off on their maternity leave on my return and as everyone knows , schools are full of playground mums with lovely newborns (I'm support staff). It all stung as even a crying baby on the bus made me want to run away/burst into tears.

It's a tremendously shit thing to go through so anything you feel right now is valid. Hate , jealousy , sadness , relief...whatever. it's all valid.

Be kind to yourself op and feel free to avoid the baby talk as you recover. You don't have to listen to it if it hurts too much.

Take care.