Still not over it.

[kirinm]

I have had an ectopic and 4 miscarriages with 1 being at 11 weeks. Tests have come back all clear but I'm afraid I don't believe 5 failed pregnancies is just bad luck.

Anyway, last year DPs brother announced they were having a baby and I basically just cried and couldn't find it in myself to be happy for them. His brother is a massive dick and has been particularly unpleasant this year so I don't enjoy spending anytime with him.

DP's other brother has also announced they're pregnant. I know they've had several miscarriages but their tests did show an issue with clotting which has obviously been resolved.

I'm absolutely gutted. DP sees my reaction as jealously and envy and gets pretty shitty with me. All I can envisage is being forced to spend Christmas with a new baby and a heavily pregnant lady. The thought of it makes me cry.

My last miscarriage was 3 years ago - have been too scared to try again - but it pregnancy announcements still hurt.

I don't know what there is to say really. Probably not much. 😪

The idea of "getting over it" is what's wrong here. It's not just semantics - there is an ongoing sense of loss and uncertainty. You've suffered several losses, you've not yet successfully conceived and I thinks it's totally understandable that it's difficult for you. Do try to be less harsh on yourself.

You never "get over" losing a much wanted baby regardless how many weeks along you are when the miscarriage happens. You have to find a way to live with the losses you have suffered. Please stop being so hard on yourself, feeling jealous and envious of pregnancy announcements is understandable because they have what you want. Remember you don't have to spend Christmas with your partners family, I think they would understand if you didn't especially the ones who also had multiple miscarriages.

Oh OP, I feel your pain. I've also had an ectopic and 3 miscarriages in the last 3 years, no living DC. None of our tests have shown anything wrong either, we've just been told to 'keep trying' . I too struggle with the idea of it being bad luck and not sure how many times I can keep trying and losing... I find other people's pregnancies and babies hard to deal with as well, and Christmas is always a particularly difficult time of year. Last year DH and I rented a little cottage in the middle of nowhere and escaped for a few days over the Christmas period - we went for long walks, played board games and ate Indian takeaway! It was actually really good to get away from everyone and have some time to ourselves without feeling we were being miserable and spoiling other people's Christmas. Could you do something similar? Be kind to yourself xx