Not again!

[SchnitzelVonCrummsTum]

I'm not sure why I'm posting other than to vent - sorry.

I had 3 horrible miscarriages before having my daughter. I went on to have 2 more healthy children.

I have just found out that my hcg levels aren't going up as they should so miscarriage number 4 is on the way.

I think I vainly hoped that my body might have 'fixed' itself after the successful pregnancies.

I have no idea what my risk of further losses is. I have no idea whether to see whether they'll repeat the recurrent loss blood tests or whether the best course of action is just to try again.

I'm not sure if I have the energy to try again. Perhaps I've pushed my luck enough and I should hang up my ovaries gracefully and appreciate the amazing children I already have.

I really thought I was more resilient / cynical about pregnancy than this, but today I can't stop bursting into tears without warning. It turns out that a bit of hope is a very dangerous thing.

I'm really sorry Schnitzel . I'm on loss number 3. It's just so shit. There is research showing fertility and live birth rates are higher after a miscarriage. Well that's the hope I'm clinging to. Feel free to rant. Take care.

So sorry you are going through this again @GreyCloudsToday, and I really appreciate you replying with everything you're currently going through.

Have you had any testing or is that something you might do now?

My hcg levels went:

61 (13dpo)
153 (15dpo) - 36 hours doubling time
538 (18dpo) - 39 hours doubling time
1577 (22dpo) - 63 hours doubling time
1677 (25dpo) - not worth calculating!

I have managed to get an appointment at the early pregnancy assessment unit on Saturday afternoon (I assume they will scan to rule out ectopic) and I will get 2 more hcg readings at my GP on Weds (27dpo) and Fri (29dpo) to see if it is going down. So I feel like the practical side of things has been taken care of well but obviously there's basically nothing out there on the psychological side really.

Do you have any living children Grey? xxx