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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

MMC - think i just need to vent/cry/something

22 replies

Alwaysatyke · 12/08/2017 13:37

Hi, have been lurking/rarely posting for a while but am here under a new username (forgot the old one)

Found out I was pregnant about 2 months ago, very much planned second child (dd is 4 and about to start school). Have changed my work hours around the expectation that I'll be on mat leave next year, lots of forward planning and so on.

Then - had very small amount of bloody discharge and cramping on wed night. Called epu, went in on fri to be checked over and they found baby stopped growing two weeks ago and no heartbeat.

I'm devastated, obviously. Going in on wed for surgical management. Wed should have been my 12 week scan. I'm trying to keep it together so life is as normal for dd (who doesn't know anything) but i feel bereft that I don't get to tell her she's going to be a big sister. DH is struggling as he doesn't have many people irl to talk to about it, none of his friends knew.

Don't know what I'm expecting from anyone really - maybe reassurance that it's not the end of our second child plans? We hope to try again when we can but i know I'll struggle to enjoy any future pregnancy. I'm nearing the end of CBT to treat anxiety/overthinking/always imagining worst case etc and clearly this isn't going to help.

If anyone has been in similar shoes and can offer any insight I'd be really grateful

OP posts:

TheUnseenAcademic · 12/08/2017 13:46

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I had two MMC before two healthy pregnancies and it was just awful. Both babies stopped growing around 9-10 weeks. I went into my 12 week scan for my 3rd pregnancy having fasted all day in case I needed an erpc, so convinced I was that it would be another MMC. A relative had two MMC between her two healthy pregnancies. There's not really anything that will make it better, but please try to be kind to yourself.
It made me feel a bit better to recognise just how common it is- the number of people who then came out and disclosed their own miscarriages after I spoke about mine surprised me- but we all react differently and that may be no comfort to you. The feeling of loss and disappointment is heartbreaking but there very very much more than likely will come a day when you can tell your daughter that she's going to be a big sister.
I had surgical management both times and appreciated that it was over very quickly- I had GA for the procedure and recovery was fast. I was pregnant again about 4 months later each time (having waited about 1-2 months before ttc). Friends who have had miscarriages have conceived again between 1-6 months later.

Original poster

Alwaysatyke · 12/08/2017 13:59

Thank you, it's always helpful to hear from people with similar experiences. DD was conceived very soon after trying but this time took about nine months so it already seems like a long road. In a way I'm glad it was now rather than a few weeks on after we've told everyone but it still hurts and in some ways it's hard because it's sort of like a "secret"

Hopefully after next week I can start to put this behind me and move on

OP posts:

Cocoabean25 · 12/08/2017 19:53

So sorry for your loss. I haven't gone on to try again so can't offer you any advice but wanted to say how sorry I am that you lost your baby. Take some time to yourself and give yourself the time you need to grieve xxx

K0013 · 13/08/2017 00:57

I am so sorry you are going through this and struggling with anxiety / overthinking is so hard as well I totally understand that as I am the same. Take your time to deal with this however works for you and use this board as a support network if you need it, it really helps xx

Original poster

Alwaysatyke · 13/08/2017 07:22

Thank you all for your support. Feeling a bit sick this morning as my body is having a go at dealing with this naturally - have had a bit more bleeding and some mild contraction-like pains. Don't think I'm mentally prepared to deal with this at home, the surgical option appealed as it means I don't have to "confront" it iykwim.

Feck, this whole thing is horrible. I feel sick and empty and robbed

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Troika · 13/08/2017 07:50

Hi always. Don't have any advice but wanted you to know that you are not alone and that I am going through the same thing.

I am booked in for an erpc on Tuesday which would have been my 12 week scan (at 13+6)

Bleeding has ramped up since last night though so I suspect it will happen naturally before then.

This is my 2nd miscarriage but my first mmc. It's so cruel. The foetal pole was only 7 weeks and I had awful morning sickness between 7 and 10 weeks.

Original poster

Alwaysatyke · 13/08/2017 08:12

Oh Troika, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope it goes as well as it possibly can

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Troika · 14/08/2017 15:02

How are you doing always? Have you had much more bleeding?

Original poster

Alwaysatyke · 14/08/2017 15:16

Bleeding is steadily increasing, like a normal period now. I had cramps and waves of high temp a couple of nights ago but now just occasional twinges. How are you getting on? I'm impatient for Wednesday now as I just can't bear waiting for the inevitable

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Troika · 14/08/2017 15:50

My bleeding has also increased but only seems to be coming out when I go to the loo, hardly anything on my pads. Haven't seen any real clots or anything yet so don't think it is fully happening. Had some painful cramps last night but even then there wasn't much blood. Such a different experience to my previous mc.

Original poster

Alwaysatyke · 15/08/2017 07:26

@Troika, I hope all goes well for you today xx

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Troika · 16/08/2017 07:48

Thank you always. Good luck for today

Don't read on if you'll find it disturbing or upsetting, I just need to let it out

I had a bad night on Monday, lots of very painful cramps. Equal to if not worse than labour pains. I took paracetamol and ibuprofen early on but didnt want to take anything stronger or another dose as i wasn't sure about interactions with the GA. DP got me a hot wheat bag after a couple of hours and the pains eased off a bit and I eventually slept around midnight. Got up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and could feel a gush of blood coming out of me. Went to the loo, blood had saturated the pad and was overflowing. The foetus and sac were clearly visible too. Pains stopped after that and blood loss reduced but was still like a heavy period.

Midwife in epac had told me to go for my appointment anyway if this happened and they would send me for a scan and decide what to do. Turned up and told them and they seemed a bit pissed off but arranged scan for me. Had to wait nearly 2 hours for the scan, sonogropher was annoyed as she had to slot me in between other patients but (luckily??) took it out on the nurse accompanying me rather than on me. It was an internal scan which I wasn't really expecting but it was fine. Scan showed no sac and foetus but still retained products and womb lining of 4mm. They said it was up to me but I decided to continue with the erpc as advised by the dr as at least then I knew it would all be gone.

Had missed my slot so had to wait. Feelung awful due to being nil by mouth. Surgeon made me his first afternoon slot rather than making me wait til the end of surgery as would be the normal protocol though. He said it was a bad enough day for me already. I didn't need the pre op meds to soften the cervix as scan had showed it was already open/soft (due to the contractions the previous night).

GA was fine, knew nothing of the surgery. Woke up in recovery feeling fine physically but very restless. Had to stay in bed for about an hour but did get tea and biscuits. Was able to get up, have a wee, get dressed, and come home after another hour. Had a small dinner then was in bed by 8. Slept solidly til about 1 am then was a bit more restless after that (I guess the GA had started to wear off more).

Today, I feel fine physically just a bit wobbly. Mentally I am relieved but sad and very conscious of my empty womb. Upset for the child we thought we were having and robbed of that chance...

OhTheRoses · 16/08/2017 07:57

Oh, you poor loves. It's absolutely rotten. I remember it well and my youngest is 19. It was a tough old journey getting to her and an anxious pregnancy afterwards but it was all ok in the end.

I'm glad there are forums now where you can support each other and ask the questions that are hard to ask in real life.

Be kind to yourselves.

Troika · 16/08/2017 10:56

Just to rub it in I just had a call from the midwife telling me I had just missed my appointment today and asking if I'd forgotten. Not her fault and she was lovely but still. I had asked if I needed to cancel my appointments etc and they said no they'd take care of all that for me. I know it probably just hasn't filtered through yet but it has still upset me.

Original poster

Alwaysatyke · 16/08/2017 21:12

Troika, I'm so sorry to hear about your experience but glad it's behind you now and hopefully you can grieve and move on. Thank you for sharing your story, it really helped me to hear what others are going through.

I'm back from hospital now after erpc today, all went well although the waiting around was horrible. I've been really sad today and think it's done me good to grieve a bit.

Thank you to everyone who's offered support, it's genuinely helped me to have a outlet xx

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Troika · 17/08/2017 06:40

Hugs to you always. Glad the surgery went well for you. I hope you are able to grieve and that it doesn't overshadow any future pregnancy for you too much.

chocolatesa · 17/08/2017 06:47

I had a MMC in my first pregnancy. I find it so cruel that you think you are pregnant all this time and really your baby died weeks ago. Don't give up though, I got pregnant again fairly quickly after my MMC and my daughter is currently 4 months old xx

lovemybabies3 · 17/08/2017 06:55

Hope your doing as well as you can be! i had a missed miscarriage with my 3rd pregnancy! was meant to be 11 wks 4 days and due to have my scan the thursday! and on the sunday started bleeding heavily! obviously i new straight away what was happening! i went to hospital and as it was the weekend they couldnt scan me so had to wait till tuesday to find no heartbeat and it had stopped growing at 7 weeks and id been walking around thinking everything was fine and planning! after all had passed it took my body a few months to get back to normal and then 7 months later got pregnant again! i was a nervous wreck but everything was fine! give yourself time, then try again!

Janus · 17/08/2017 07:07

You poor things, it really is awful.
My third pregnancy was a MMC that i discovered at my 12 week scan (although I was 13 weeks). I'd stupidly started telling people too as I'd got to the magic 12 weeks. I had no signs at all, no bleeding etc, I didn't even know there was such a thing as a MMC. I felt devastated at the time, I didn't get out of bed for 2 days, it was a very real grief. People said 'you can try again' but I wanted that baby. But time does heal. I did struggle to conceive for a while but went on to have 2 more children in the end! Pregnancy was not the same though, very nervous but midwives were great and I went for an early scan (about 8 weeks) for my own peace of mind (we had to pay). This really helped me.
Give yourself time to grieve and tell your closest friend/s as it definitely helped me.

Troika · 17/08/2017 09:07

Thank you for the kind words everyone

Troika · 21/08/2017 07:49

Hope you are recovering well and doing ok always

Original poster

Alwaysatyke · 21/08/2017 14:13

Thank you - went back to work today but I'm exhausted and am probably just going to manage half days this week. Not sure how much is physical and how much psychological but I'm definitely not back to full strength yet.

I hope you're coping ok Troika, it's such a traumatic experience to go through and especially so when you have to put on your professional face and keep it to yourself

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