The next step Dealing & healing MC

[LJFM2B]

Yesterday i had my 3rd internal scan after 2 weeks of going through my MC which confirmed i have come to the end of the MC.. the first full week i cried majority of the time thinking 'why me' i feel so stupid for being so happy for 5 weeks of knowing and what did i do wrong etc... then i felt a bit stronger but almost didnt want to believe i wasnt not pregnant anymore - denial if you like... and then was forward thinking and really just wanting it to be over so i could stand a chance of moving forward. And this weekend i have shed no tears and am feeling very strong, i still dont want to hear the cliches that everybody says to you like everything happens for a reason and well at least you can conceive (the things that doesnt mean anything while your going through the pain of losing your unborn baby who you already love so much) ...

Today is my first day back at work and has been the next big hurdle for me, i now want to have an idea of when to expect my period, and when should i have sex etc ... the doctor said its when ever i feel right so i suppose iv got to wait for that.

Iv decided to let people tell people (if that makes sense) im hoping it will stop people asking 'when are you 2 going to have a baby' ... being a year into my marriage its something we get ALOT.... its annoying when your trying but even worse after a miscarriage, so hoping being open will stop that from happening. i suppose im looking for advice on this firstly.

Has anybody got any tips on how to move forward and when to try again etc? xx

Hi LJFM2B. So sorry you are in this position, there are no words that can heal the pain you're feeling. People are so desperate to provide comfort, that they don't always realise their well-meaning words can sometime cause hurt too.

I'm seven months post miscarriage. Recovering well, but some days you get a curve ball that you just don't expect.

I took the same strategy as telling those closest to me I had miscarried. There is no shame, no one did anything wrong - it just wasn't to be this time. I definitely found telling people easier than trying to keep up the pretense. Those I didn't tell, it was definitely more difficult to avoid awkward conversations.

For me, I've found trying to conceive again a 'purpose' post miscarriage and have thrown myself back on the rollercoaster. No joy yet, but still persevering. But it's not for everyone. Some people need time to adjust.

Just don't be too hard on yourself. You'll have days when you feel almost normal. Days that suck beyond all recognition. Feel free to wallow for a time. Then dust yourself off and start a new day. xox

Thank you @pineapplePrincess for me i didnt find any comfert in the fact so many woman have to go through this - just makes it worse i think and more nerve wracking where as before i was so cool calm and collected about pregnancy and now i think ill be a nervous nancy the whole way through my next time. BUT having said that it is nice to hear from other people in my position or who have been there previously and know my thoughts and feelings are normal.

I have my fingers crossed for both of us for our next pregnancies when ever they may i hope they are both very healthy and successful! good luck

Hello ladies,
I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks, just a couple of weeks ago. I'm doing ok and hope to return to work in 2 weeks but my biggest worry is being "that person" that people want to avoid as they don't know what to say.... I work in a big office and everyone knew I was pregnant. To be honest I don't know what to say to them really... I don't mind talking about it to them but don't want people to feel awkward around me.
Any tips!? :)

@weasledee - I'm so sorry for your loss. Hope you are bearing up okay.

I had to announce early, as I had really bad morning sickness and people were starting to suspect. I found it easier to tell people I had miscarried via Facebook, emails and text messages. It took the pressure of having to tell people out loud and the emotions of having to impart those words.

It's a double edged sword, as you are trying to contain your emotions, but also having to detail with how the other person reacts. With me electronic messaging took the initial shock factor out of it for me. I could cry at the other end of the message if I wanted and people were none the wiser. Likewise, the other person could react in private and had time before having to reply or face me in person, that way their response was, in general, more measured and considered.

Doing this made it easier for me to return to work. I was happy to talk about the miscarriage and said so in my messages; but was prepared for the conversation.

Personally I found it more difficult where people didn't deal with the conversation head on. It can become like the elephant in the room, everyone skirting round it. Easier to face, deal with it and move on.

Several months on I'm still in recovery mode. I hate how people expect you to forget or not mention it.

Thanks pineapple, I too announced early due to HG. I think once I get back to work, the fear will be worse than the reality!