Second miscarriage

[anxiouscrazycatlady]

I had a scan this morning and they've confirmed that I've had another miscarriage. I'm meant to be around 9+4 but they said it stopped growing around the 7 week mark, which is the same point as my previous miscarriage in February. I'm booked in for an ERPC tomorrow and hope to be able to move past it then.

But I just don't know what to do, I don't feel I can put my body (and mind) through all of this again. I've had a look at private tests but they seem so expensive and lengthy and I just don't feel I can do that right now. The idea of adoption keeps popping up as well. Or maybe we're just not meant to have children? I just don't know. Why are some people able to have babies with no problems at all and others struggle so much?

I'm so sorry for your losses. I suffered two miscarriages before successfully having my daughter (now 6 months). I was convinced I would never be able to carry a baby. People used to say "at least you know you can get pregnant" which enraged me and I wanted to scream - "but what difference does that make when I have no baby afterwards?" What I'm trying to say is that I understand. It's painful and the not knowing is hideous.

Have you discussed it with your GP? Because of my age (37) my GP agreed to do a few initial tests to check for one or two most common problems. I can't actually remember what they were now () but they all came back negative and we just continued trying.

Speak to your GP. If you can, try to find one who either has gynae experience or is very sympathetic. I also found the miscarriage association very helpful when I called them to ask for advice.

Best of luck. Never give up hope.

Thank you so much for your reply alltalknobaby I was thinking about booking in with my GP this week, so think I will go ahead and do that after tomorrow.

The whole "at least you know you can get pregnant" is the worst, people just don't get it. And a lot of my friends are currently pregnant with their second (with no problems!) and I just feel that life is so cruel sometimes.

I'm really sorry for your losses. It's so hard both physically and emotionally. I had one, then my dc and since then 3 in a row. We are desperate for another child but because we can't take the emotional turmoil have decided to have a break from trying, at least for a while. I am feeling the benefits of not trying and getting on with life for a while. I know it's very different for me with a child already but I understand the emotional highs and lows of finding you're pregnant, only to lose it. It's devastating.

What this process has taught me though is that miscarriage is very common. Because I've now had 4 miscarriages I have had various tests done but with me they have found nothing wrong. It's just been bad luck my consultant says. The reason the nhs don't offer any tasting after 2 miscarriages is because it is more than likely you will have a healthy pregnancy. If they thought you were more likely to miscarriage again they would monitor you because it would be more cost efficient. I was monitored for my last pregnancy because I am now in a high risk pregnancy group and had early scans but it did not change the outcome. They just recommended high dose folic acid, baby aspirin and progesterone but that baby was also just not meant to be either despite all that.

Some people will never know the pain of miscarriage. They are just lucky. Others are unlucky and then some. It's not a widely talked about topic and I bet there are people in your life who've had them but you don't know. I think I always assumed people either fell in to the can't have children or can have children category. It never occured to me that people with children might have had a hard time some where a long the way.

My advice is come to terms with this then do what feels right which might be a break from trying for a little while. It doesn't mean you're giving up it just means you're looking after your mental health.

In a small number of cases there is a reason for recurrent miscarriage, but this is rare. Most miscarriage is not explained.

I hope this helps in some small way. It is so very hard when it happens again and people who've not been through it can be incredibly misinformed and unhelpful. My mil burst into tears then told me I needed to resign from my stressful job convinced that was the cause! She then proceeded tod grill me about my pregnancy diet and whether I eat enough kale! My own mum gave me a hug and wasn't at all surprised. Mil has never had a miscarriage. My own mother had 4. Says it all really!