Trying so hard to move on but not sure I can without another baby

[tankflybosswalkjamnittygritty]

After a miscarriage in March/April at 11 weeks we decided not to try again. The baby would have been dc3 and our 2 wonderful ds are 5 and 7. It took years to decide to give it a shot for a 3rd.
The miscarriage was complicated and long. It required two Erpc and resulted in two infections.. really took it out of us.
We decided to count our blessings and move on and I'm trying so hard to, so much so I start a new job in Sept.
The thing is, I can't get over it. I spend my day smiling through it, trying to be happy and count my blessings but underneath I feel so sad.
I'm finishing work soon for the new job but can't stop thinking it should be for maternity leave.
Every other baby born ( of which there are many) breaks my heart a little bit.
My dh does not want to try again and I understand, plus it not an option now I'm serving notice, but why can't I get over it? Please tell me it gets better?

I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. Before you try to figure out how to accept it, I would ask if there is definitely no way that you may decide to try again, even once you've been in your new job for 6 months or so? It sounds to me like that's what would make you happy.

Thanks for replying bee. I think I'd probably be pushing to go again if it wasn't for the new job but I know dh does not want to risk going through all that again. I could wait 18 months and see how we feel but I worry about my age (37) and age gaps.

I don't think a larger age gap is necessarily a problem. My brother is 6.5 years younger than I am and we've had a really good relationship when we were kids (and still do). He really looked up to me and I enjoyed teaching him things, looking out for him etc. Incidentally my mom was 40 when she had him.

Thanks Double, thats really encouraging to hear.
I guess in hindsight I was too hasty making decisions after the miscarriage and now regret that but I was so desperate to move on from the pain at the time.
We found it hard to decide if to go for number 3 or not and changed our minds a lot along the way.
In the end we decided to ttc for a few months and let fate decide. I felt like fate had decided number 3 wasn't meant to be at the time of the miscarriage but now I'm not so sure.

Is there any particular reason to think you may have another miscarriage? I know it can happen at any time, but are you any more at risk than you were with pregnancy numbers 1, 2 and 3? If not, I don't understand why your husband thinks it's such a risk.

I had an mmc aged 40, and we didn't actually discuss whether we would try again or not, in fact DH didn't discuss what happened and it didn't really affect him at all. He didn't appreciate how much heartache it caused me. I struggled to move on too, as we'd always planned 3 children and I just felt our family wasn't complete.

Two years later I got pregnant again. Not actively trying , but not using contraception. I can't say our marriage was in a good place then, and still now is a work in progress, but dc3 is absolutely adored by us all. Ds1 and dd were 7&5 when he was born. He loves them as much as they love him.

The pregnancy was fine and healthy, although I have to admit, the innocence and joy of pregnancy, especially the first few months was gone for me. I did worry and couldn't believe it would all be ok. I did have a couple of bleeds in the third trimester, and he arrived 3.5 weeks early, but easy labour and all good. I was 43 when I had him.

I'd give yourself a bit of time to think about it and to discuss it more with your DH. I don't think any of the reasons you've given should stop you having another child if you'd like to, but of course you have to consider everything to decide what's right for you and your family.

In terms of your new job, if you were to get pregnant after 6 months or so, you'd have been working there a year or so before you actually go on maternity leave which is perfectly acceptable, I know people who have gone on maternity leave sooner! You have a right to progress in your career and change jobs and still have a family.